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Inti Chavez Perez - Respect: Everything a Guy Needs to Know about Sex, Love, and Consent

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Inti Chavez Perez Respect: Everything a Guy Needs to Know about Sex, Love, and Consent
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Respect: Everything a Guy Needs to Know about Sex, Love, and Consent: summary, description and annotation

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An all-encompassing guide to help guys navigate sex, relationships, and consent in the post-#MeToo world.The world has changed, and the revelations of the #MeToo movement have raised serious questions about how men are raised to understand consent and their own sexuality. Respect is the first guide to sexual health and relationships built around consent. Inti Chavez Perez draws on his vast experience as a sex educator to lay out how to build positive, respectful relationships with friends and partners, and how consent factors in at every stage from introducing yourself to having healthy sexual relationships with others, all with the same frankness that guys have talking about sex with their friends. From gender identity and sexual orientation to body image and sexual health and more, Respect tells you everything you should know, and everything you would want to knowa book for guys to learn from and then go back to.

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PENGUIN BOOKS RESPECT Inti Chavez Perez is a writer and sex educator from - photo 1

PENGUIN BOOKS

RESPECT

Inti Chavez Perez is a writer and sex educator from Gothenburg, Sweden. He left a career as a journalist to focus full time on issues concerning equality, sex, and sexuality. He regularly teaches sex education to teenagers in schools and lectures on education to midwives, teachers, and government officials. Chavez Perez has been appointed by the Swedish government as an expert on matters regarding the sexual violence of boys, LGBTQ+ issues, honor violence, and other issues; in addition, he serves as a member of their advisory council for the Swedish Agency for Youth and Civil Society.

PENGUIN BOOKS An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC penguinrandomhousecom - photo 2

PENGUIN BOOKS

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

penguinrandomhouse.com

Copyright 2010, 2018 by Inti Chavez Perez

Translation copyright 2019 by Stuart Tudball

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

First published in Swedish as Respekt: en sexbok fr killar by Alfabeta Bokfrlag AB, Stockholm

ISBN 9780143134251 (paperback)

ISBN 9780525506027 (ebook)

All names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

Neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

Version_1

CONTENTS
THANKS

I would like to thank the people who read and commented on the book before it went to print:

Sandra Dahln,

Mina Gredal,

Johanna Hedlund,

Hilda Jacobsson,

Baris Kayhan,

Moa Keskikangas

and Luis Lineo.

Thank you to everyone who is quoted in the book. Almost all the names have been changed. Thanks also to RFSU, RFSL UNGDOM, and RFSL.

And finally, thank you Patrick Nolan, Matthew Klise, and the rest of the team at Penguin Books for making this book possible.

FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT

I sometimes teach sex ed in schools. When I do, guys often want to know how to make sex feel good for both people. My answer is that respect is the basis for good sex and good love. A respectful union makes the sex on both partners termsand both get to enjoy it.

How that is done practically youll learn later on in the book.

This book is aimed primarily at teenage boys. Your teenage years are a long time when a lot is going on. Thats why Im writing to guys who have never kissed anyone and to those who have already had a fair amount of sex. If something feels too advanced, just skip ahead and save it for later.

Good luck with love, and with sex.

Inti

1
YOU
BELOW THE BELT
Is my dick normal?

Is my dick normal? is the most common question guys ask when they go to the youth clinic. They look at their penis and compare it with the others in the locker room. Then they worry that maybe theirs looks odd. And theyre right; every penis looks odd because no two are exactly the same.

In most cases, guys are relieved to find out that their penis is perfectly OK. If youre concerned about your penis, you can go to the youth clinic and get checked out by a professional. But right now were going to have an initial run-through of what a normal penis may look like.

Dick check

Pull down your shorts and well go through the different parts of the genitals, starting with the penis. If youre not circumcised, youll have a foreskin covering the glans (head), but the amount of foreskin varies. In some guys the foreskin goes beyond the tip to form what looks like a trunk. Others have a shorter foreskin, so you can see the tip of the glans. The length of the foreskin makes no difference in any regard.

Some guys have a tight foreskin that hurts if drawn back. In such an instance it is worth having a doctor examine you. Sometimes a tight foreskin is due to ageyou just have some growing left to do. In other cases, the foreskin may need a bit of help in the form of a special cream, for example.

Think about something that turns you on. This causes blood to flow down, making the penis grow in width and length; it gets harder, rises up, and gets warmer. It may also become redder.

If you hold your erect penis in your fist, you can feel that its harder on the top, the side nearest your stomach. The underside and the glans are softer. The urethra runs through these parts, which have to be softer so the tube doesnt get squeezed. You can feel with your fingers that the erection continues all the way into the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus.

When you look at your erection, youll notice that it is curved and off at an angle. The thickness is also uneven. No penis is entirely straight or regular, not even when soft. In the past, mens trousers used to be tailored to the lean. The tailor would ask which way the gentleman dressed, whether the penis hung to the left or the right, and would adjust the trousers accordingly.

On the edge of the glans, by the urethra and the frenulum (banjo string), you might see little bumps that may be white. Over half of guys have these. The bumps tend to appear in puberty and are called penile papules. Some guys are concerned when they find these and think they have some sexually transmitted disease or pimples, but the papules are entirely harmless and cannot be removed with medication or soap.

Odd skin

If you ate a burger and fries every day, fat would collect in the body and it would make your thighs fatter, for example, but your penis wouldnt get thicker, because there is no fat layer under the skin of your dick.

The absence of fatty tissue makes it easier to see things under the skin of the penis. Veins show more clearly. There may also be bumps that stand out. These bumps are either hair follicles or sebaceous glands that lubricate the skin.

The penis has more pigment than many other parts of the body, so it may also be slightly darker. The pigment can be unevenly distributed and make the penis look splotchy.

On the penis there is a kind of ribbon that runs all the way from the banjo string at the top, down along the penis and perineum, ending at the anus. This ribbon can vary in its appearance and is almost invisible on certain guys. The ribbon is whats left of a seam that joined together the genital area when you were in the womb.

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