Marcia Baczynski - Creating Consent Culture: A Handbook for Educators

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CREATING
CONSENT CULTURE

A Handbook for Educators

Marcia Baczynski
and
Erica Scott

First published in Great Britain in 2022 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

An Hachette Company

Copyright Marcia Baczynski and Erica Scott 2022

The right of Marcia Baczynski and Erica Scott to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Hollabacks 5 Ds of Bystander Intervention are reproduced with kind permission of Emily May.

Excerpts from The Guidebook to Indigenous Protocol are reproduced with kind permission of Bob Joseph.

Front cover image source: Shutterstock.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress

ISBN 978 1 83997 102 0

eISBN 978 1 83997 103 7

Jessica Kingsley Publishers policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

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In loving memory of our mothers,

Joanie Baczynski, who always had my back,

and

Anna Grace Scott, who worked tirelessly for a better world.

I would like to acknowledge that I am an uninvited settler living on the unceded and stolen territory of the Sinixt, an Indigenous nation that was specifically targeted for genocide by the Canadian government, and illegally declared extinct in 1956.

Despite this, the Sinixt continue to live on their territory, stewarding and protecting the land, educating the settler community, and fighting for their sovereign rights.

I want to acknowledge that this book was written on my part on the unceded territories of the Ohlone people in the west and the Muscogee Creek people in the east.

We acknowledge that the land on which we gather are the ancestral lands of the Lenni Lenape people, whose presence and resilience in Pennsylvania continues to this day. We take this opportunity to honor the original caretakers of this land and recognize the histories of land theft, violence, erasure, and oppression that has brought our institution and ourselves here.

Imagine a world where no one fears a violation of their boundaries. A world where everyone feels safe in their bodies and confident in asking for what they want. A world where personal agency and autonomy are honored, and people feel free to express their boundaries, preferences, and needs.

What would you feel like, living in such a world?

Can you imagine it?

There is a magic that happens when you know that your boundaries will be respected and your desires wont be laughed at. When it is safe to speak up for what you do and dont want, and when its okay to change your mind. When saying and hearing no feels like valuable information and not rejection. When your body feels, fundamentally and in your bones, safe.

We know because weve experienced this magic, and we want you to too.

How do you make this magic happen? In a word, consent. Earnestly engaging in consent practices is the secret sauce for making interactions fun, enjoyable, and worth repeating.

Consent is practically a buzzword these days, but as consent educators with over 25 years of combined experience, weve witnessed the ripple effects when just one person has an embodied, felt sense of their own bodily autonomy.

When a teenager knows her mom will help her to get out of a questionable situation, she becomes more able to make choices without peer pressure.

When a young man feels in his body that he doesnt owe anyone sex, he becomes an adult who prioritizes intimate encounters that are pleasurable and healthy.

When a young man encourages his boyfriend to take the time he needs, they both build trust and intimacy in their relationship that carries on into relationships afterwards.

When a young woman confidently advocates for the reproductive healthcare she wants, she is able to plan for motherhood in ways that keep her out of poverty.

When a parent is encouraging and supportive of their daughters emotional depth and breadth, she becomes a woman who can feel her own emotions without shame or blame.

When a child feels confident that the adults around them will support their gender explorations, they are less likely to self-harm or attempt suicide.

When a married couple realizes that they can ask before kissing or touching, it becomes an opportunity to flirt and get to know each other all over again.

When an eighth-grader at a new school sees that their peers dont tolerate bullying, they seek out other ways to fit in and belong that serve them for the rest of their life.

When a middle-aged survivor of child sexual abuse discovers the meaning and validity of his boundaries, he leaves his abusive wife and creates a future for himself that is not driven by fear.

We have seen countless examples of personal and relationship transformation like this. But the ripple effects of respect for bodily autonomy are not just internal. They also spread outward, into the community:

When a woman stops tolerating touch she doesnt want, it changes the tone of the world around her. She becomes an example to others who have been tolerating touch and a warning to those who feel entitled to other peoples bodies.

When a college freshman steps in to get a drunk girl home safely, it builds safety on campus, not just for the girl who got home, but for others who witnessed it.

When a student is confident that there is at least one adult who will take their concerns about another adult seriously, then abuse cannot continue to thrive in the darkness.

When one or two bystanders intervene as someone is being harassed on a train, others join in to stop the harasser.

When a man in a wheelchair confidently asserts his needs and boundaries, the people near him learn not just how to interact with him, but how to be respectful to others who use wheelchairs.

Each of us deserves an opportunity to experience what this feels like. Each of us can create pockets of safety for exploration and opportunities for ourselves and others to experience a true respect for bodily autonomy. Each of us can help create a world where the values of Consent Culture lead the way.