Jeff Yeager - The Ultimate Cheapskates Road Map to True Riches: A Practical (and Fun) Guide to Enjoying Life More by Spending Less

CONTENTS

To Denise, my pooooor wife

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Saying thank you is a prime example of what this book is all about, something of tremendous value and importance that costs absolutely nothing.

And since publishers traditionally allocate an entire page or two for that purposewhether the author writes six words or six hundredyou can bet Ill maximize the return on my noninvestment.

First, for those most immediately responsible for making me the Ultimate Cheapskate: Jim Bell, Margaret Pergler, Betsy Alexander, Rainy Farrell, and NBCs Today show for giving me my cheap shot; Stacey Glick and Dystel & Goderich Literary Management for taking on Americas cheapest man as their cheapest client; Dan Zak at the Washington Post for writing about me when it counted most; Kelly Knight, Mark Stevens, and Steve Medley at WARWs Stevens & Medley Morning Show for generously sharing their airtime; and Gary Foreman at www.Stretcher.com for publishing the best frugal stuff on the Internet, including some of mine. And, of course, Michelle Singletary of the Washington Post, for both rejecting and accepting methe story of my life, sort ofand the excellent financial advice she provides her readers each week in her nationally syndicated column, The Color of Money.

Im forever indebted to the good folks at Broadway Books for publishing this book, such as it is. Most of all Im beholden to Kristine Puopolo, my omni-excellent editor, for continually reminding me to make it funnier (silly me, I forgot) and teaching me about the proper use of exclamation marks!!!

And to my loyal Miser Advisers and other supporters, many of whom will see themselves (perhaps disguised) in these pages, including Eugene Balaguer, the Bookbinder family, Jerry Dyson, Grace Griffith, Nancy Heisel, Michelle Hillman, Dave Kalter, Tim Kelly, Doug Maas, Denise Owen, Belinda Rollins, Kathy Schmiesing, Marta Tellado, and my Miser Adviser Emeritus, Ralph Huber, for his friendship when the going was rough and for his good humor throughout.

So many people are responsible for my education and career in the nonprofit world, the backbone of this book, including the Three Wise Men of Hostelling International USA: Bill Nelson for his lessons in leadership and storytelling, Bob Beard for his longtime friendship and support, and the late Robert B. Johnson Jr., who taught me a lifetime of lessons about life and nonprofit management during his own too short years.

Most of all, I thank my family: my grandparents, Ellen and Clyde Yeager and Irma and Tex Cooper, for giving me so many of the memories and stories youll hear shortly; my parents, Joyce and Doug, for giving me life and showing me how to truly enjoy it; and my brother, Joel, for all the good times growing up and all the good times to come (you just know we were born to be crusty old men together).

Above all else, I want to thank Denise, my pooooor wife, for always loving and believing in me, even when I was neither lovable nor believable.

One of the greatest luxuries of breaking free of the shekel shackles, as youll learn how to do in the pages ahead, is that youll no longer need to associate with anyone you dont like. In writing this book, I had the free joy of interacting not just with people I really like but only with people I really love.

PREFACE: Who Is the Ultimate Cheapskate?

Its true. Im cheap, and Im a loser.

In fact the best thing thats happened to me over the past few yearsthe highlight of my ostensibly lowlife existenceis that I entered the 2005 Penny Pincher of the Year Contest sponsored by national finance columnist Michelle Singletary, andyou guessed itI lost.

Me, the Titan of Tightwads, the Maestro of Misers, the Commander in Cheap. Not only did Singletary shaft me for the fifty-dollar top prize, but I didnt even get an honorable mention in the long list of my cheapskate brethren whose names and frugal tips appeared in her column.

I was crushed. Id been eyeing a reduced-for-quick-sale rump roast and other ripening delicacies at my local supermarket for a week. Id all but spent that fifty bucks.

I lost all interest in things that I once found enjoyable. Like double-coupon days and checking the coin return at every public pay phone I pass. I was a broken shell of a miser (although BTW, if you find a broken egg in a carton at the store, itll usually give you the whole dozen for free).

Denise, my wife of twenty-two years, became concerned. It was as if my frugal libido had gone limp, as limp as the half-priced asparagus I once gleefully loaded into our shopping cart. Her jaw dropped in disbelief one day when I pulled into the closest gas station to fill up without even circling the block to check the prices of the competition.

Jeff, this has to stop, she said with equal parts concern and mocking disdain in her voice. I know I married the cheapest man in America. What does Michelle Singletary know? Shes not married to you, is she? I detected a distinct wishful inflection in the tone of Denises last rhetorical question.

Its often occurred to me that most good things in my life have happened when Im wearing only underwear.

Two weeks after learning of my defeat in the Post s contest, I was sitting in my underwear one Wednesday morning opening a spamish-sounding e-mail from TODAYshow.com. I should explain that I frequently work in only my underwear, particularly since I concluded my twenty-five-year career as an executive in the nonprofit sector and became, as I like to say, selfishly employed as a freelance writer.

You dont know me, the message began, but first let me say that I think you should have won the $50. The message immediately had my undivided attention.

The producer went on to explain that the Today show was starting a new weeklong Cheapskate Way series. Michelle Singletary was going to be a guest, and Singletary had been asked if she knew of anyone who had a lighthearted take on the subject matter. She passed along my (losing) contest entry to the Today show folks, and within a week I was chatting it up on live TV with Matt Lauer, who aptly branded me the Ultimate Cheapskate and restored my flagging faith in my own frugality.

And so I owe my gig as a guest correspondent on the Today show and my blossoming new career as a writer to my two greatest virtues: Im cheap, and Im a loser.

Now, Im flattered when people think Im funny. Not only is laughter the best medicine, but its the only one drug companies arent ripping us off for.

But the fact is, I actually believe what I say and practice what I preach. Well, at least the parts that arent BS. But Im sure youll be able to recognize those.

OK, so to save time and energy costs, I sometimes soft-boil my morning eggs along with the dirty dishes in the dishwasher (top shelf for runny yolks, bottom shelf for firm), but who doesnt? (True.)

Some cheapskates save the wrapping paper off their Christmas gifts to use again next year. Not me. I save it, put it back on the roll, and return it to Wal-Mart for a refund. Gotcha. Thats BS (although it might not be a bad act of civil disobedience when the last woodlot in your neighborhood is torn down to put up another Wal-Mart).

And I re-cant, as opposed to decant, the wine I proudly serve to my dinner guests, funneling cheap box wine into premium-label bottles Ive collected over the years. And you know what? No one has ever questioned the authenticity of the wines Ive served, which proves either theres no difference in taste or wine snobs live in fear of being exposed as frauds, not daring to question the label on the bottle. (True.)