Upile Chisala - Nectar

CHISALA There is danger in letting people misname you. n nectar If you are a fire, do not answer when they call you a spark. ectar U P I L E C H I S A L A $16.99 U.S.A. ($22.99 Canada) ISBN: 978-1-4494-9957-0 51699 9 781449 499570 Printed in the U.S.A. Nectar Cover mech.indd 1 6/12/19 8:26 AM soft touch lam nectar Nectar Final Interior.indd 1 7/2/19 9:28 AM Also by Upile Chisala soft magic Nectar Final Interior.indd 2 7/17/19 9:21 AM nectar U P I L E C H I S A L A Nectar Final Interior.indd 3 7/2/19 9:28 AM For the women who unlearned silence and the women who are still coming to terms with their voices, nectar is yours first. Nectar Final Interior.indd 4 7/2/19 9:28 AM For the women who unlearned silence and the women who are still coming to terms with their voices, nectar is yours first.

Nectar Final Interior.indd 5 7/2/19 9:28 AM Nectar Final Interior.indd 6 7/2/19 9:28 AM CONTENTS House of Honey Soil & Roots All That Grew Our Garden Fruit About the Author 167 Nectar Final Interior.indd 7 7/2/19 9:28 AM Nectar Final Interior.indd 8 7/2/19 9:28 AM House of Honey Nectar Final Interior.indd 1 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA There is danger in letting people misname you. If you are a fire, do not answer when they call you a spark. Nectar Final Interior.indd 2 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Daughter, I hope you never have to crawl on your good bones to beg bad love to stay. Nectar Final Interior.indd 3 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA The soft girls. The ones who cry and break and are never afraid to feel. The ones who dont bottle it up anymore.

The ones who pour. Nectar Final Interior.indd 4 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA I have become/I am becoming everything I fought to be. I am magical and deserving of sweetness. Nectar Final Interior.indd 5 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Untie the tongue. Ready your lungs. You are a soft creature, but you will be heard.

Nectar Final Interior.indd 6 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA This is a gentle reminder to tend to yourself. Nectar Final Interior.indd 7 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA There are things that I am that I am trying not to be. There are things that I was that have no claim on me. Nectar Final Interior.indd 8 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Darling, Have you ever not pulled things from the wreckage? Who left the healing up to you? The mending? The restoring? The making things whole again? Are you tired? Do your arms hurt? Who offers you honey when you need it? Who lets you rest? Nectar Final Interior.indd 9 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA The practice of letting go of gone things and saying That wasnt mine, but mine is on the way. Nectar Final Interior.indd 10 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Tell the story. Give it a name and skin of its own.

Nectar Final Interior.indd 11 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Part of growing in your truth and letting God do God things is closing doors you shouldnt have opened in the first place. Nectar Final Interior.indd 12 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Stop risking your sanity for lovers who kiss well but dont have a staying bone in their bodies. Nectar Final Interior.indd 13 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA How beautiful am I that I can leap from challenge to challenge and still find magic in this world? How magical am I that I can leap from challenge to challenge and still find beauty in this world? Nectar Final Interior.indd 14 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA I no longer accept anger that is not meant for me. If you come here heavy with fury that I had no part in, please know that my hands wont take it. I refuse, entirely, to be where you store your rage. Nectar Final Interior.indd 15 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA The big signs are God yelling.

Intuition is God whispering. Nectar Final Interior.indd 16 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Darling, At some point, we all have to stand up for the kind of love we deserve. Nectar Final Interior.indd 17 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Cant I just be a black woman who loves herself in peace? Without having to explain why my skin (be it light honey or molasses) is a dream? Why my hair (coarse or sleek) is a crown? Cant I just be a black woman who loves being a black woman? Without having to be sorry or humble or polite about it. Damn it! Who else has to justify loving themselves like this? Who else has to fight for the right to call themselves a blessing? Goodness, Cant I just be a black woman who loves herself in peace??!? Nectar Final Interior.indd 18 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA If ever a lover asks for your whole backbone, protect yourself dearly. No one who truly loves you makes you a mule. Today. Today. Today. Today.

Nectar Final Interior.indd 20 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Darling, Please dont let anger sleep in your bones. The body is too holy. The body is too kind. Nectar Final Interior.indd 21 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Speak softly of yourself and teach that same kindness to whomever you cross lives with. Nectar Final Interior.indd 22 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Some things shatter. Some things bloom.

Nectar Final Interior.indd 23 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Honey, you need to say the thing before it forms a storm in your chest. You cant keep carrying anger in your bones because you are too afraid of letting poison out. Freeing yourself from the thing wont make you serpentine. You mustnt keep anger in your skin like that. Please, darling, say the thing you mean to say. Say the thing before it builds a home in your blood.

Say the thing before you become the thing itself. Nectar Final Interior.indd 24 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA I see you. Youre not on this perpetual mission to destroy yourself anymore. Im glad you finally think youre worth saving. Nectar Final Interior.indd 25 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Love yourself tremendously, and the second you meet someone who makes you question that love, run fast, darling. Run far.

Nectar Final Interior.indd 26 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Sweet child, Dance into the light. Joy is waiting for you. Nectar Final Interior.indd 27 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA The soft feeling of picking yourself up from a hurt and finding that you are still whole still whole still whole still whole. Nectar Final Interior.indd 28 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA They said Stay. Love will grow. Your heart said Go.

You dont know the first thing about gardening. Nectar Final Interior.indd 29 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA I do not scrape for pieces of love. I will not beg lovers to stay. I am all right with being fire. Nectar Final Interior.indd 30 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA You do yourself and those who could love you a disservice when you make yourself smaller; when you eat your words or use less of your light. Nectar Final Interior.indd 31 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA Darling, Dont fold too much for people.

It could break you. Nectar Final Interior.indd 32 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA I poured more into myself, and it made God dance. Nectar Final Interior.indd 33 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA The truth is, this is your miracle. Abandoning your appetite for pain. Having the belly to look life right in the eyes and telling it you want it again. Nectar Final Interior.indd 34 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA In time, youll learn to untangle the tongue to face a truth thats been living in your throat.

Maybe youre ferocious and thick spined. Maybe theres bite in you and a fire that could make it all ash. Ease into it or rush, either way uncoil the tongue and find out what it is youve been trying to say. Nectar Final Interior.indd 35 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA What have you learned about yourself lately? Nectar Final Interior.indd 36 7/2/19 9:28 AM nectar UPILE CHISALA The tongue. The warning came when you were too little to understand that words were yours as well. It came as your mother.