Upile Chisala - a fire like you

Also by Upile Chisala soft magic
nectar For Sakhe.
Your love is the kindest of creatures. CONTENTS Wound - And if you let it,
fear will gladly tell your story. As Black as Tax Here,
We were never once children. Here, our mothers, like Mary, birthed saviors.
Our only purpose is to redeem. Month-end is for working miracles, little black Jesuses. Let there be light and water, rent and bread.

Caring Pains Here, To be woman is to care hard,
Care until it kills you. Inheritance #1 I cant decide whether it was borrowed or a thing of the blood.
Wherever I got it from then,
I am choosing not to claim it now. Gogo I guess your heart needed the rest after a whole life of holding everyone in it.

Swim Class You cannot dive into their
mouths and fish out a sorry;
its never worked that way.
And what good is a sorry you had to drown for? You Are Not a Mender of Men I want to break the messiah in you.
Not everyone is yours to save. Inheritance #2 Listen,
Someone has to listen to the Go
And the Run
And the Dont look back
And have the stomach to leave like your father,
Even if just this once. You can be that someone, the someone who makes joy on new ground.

Sometimes I walk in, hurt from the day.
How much tired is in black living? I want light bones and lots of money.
I want it easier.
I want it white with little sorry. Equal Parts Nothing and Everything You hurt best,
And I wish youd stay gone the longest. Its not the blood or the bone or the good years;
I think I just love you cause I can.
Cause it comes easier than hating you
And hurts less.

When Will You Go Back? What if Back is a story you want to spit out?
Back is your grandmothers body in the ground?
Back is a heavy heart?
Back is always a hungry pocket?
Back is where your dreams give up on you? Familiar Something as brutal as you,
As fist-like and unaware,
With a cruel history, in the bone
And in the mouth,
With little prospect of peace,
Always on the wrong side,
Something as brutal as you walks in, and I embrace it. I embrace it knowingly. It Ended as Sourly as It Did Because We were two bruised things
Behaving poorly.
Always going wound for wound
And troubled father for troubled father.

Dredging up dirt and trauma.
Nothing was sacred, everything was a weapon,
No one was safe.
This is the damage dance. Fire still cant be put out with gasoline.
Love and violence have never been friends. - Right in the meat of our love I knew it,
I knew it like my palm,
This would be a story filled with bones. Match In some homes,
Like ours,
Both the betrayal and the forgiveness
Were ruthless and constant
And undeserved.

W aiting Bodies. W eighty Bodies.

Every time I mean to write about my body, I laugh.
How can someone be so un-in-love with this luscious, overflowing
Concoction of thigh
And dark, desirable things?
How can that someone be me?
How dare I! How I look in the mirror and grieve!
How do I wake up in hate?
And will I ever get tired of trying to make small
of my heavy,
To make light of my darkness,
To see beauty where I see ugly? Someone said they would die for a body like this. Well, someone is dying to leave this body,
No, someone is dying to love this body again. A Father Is a Something Dad, I wont carry your fate forward. Ill show up in celebration of everyone who celebrates me. I will be the one promise you will never break. Abbreviation We learned it when we were younger,
There are things you mustnt ask.
There are uncles who go thin,
And stop laughing,
And disappear.
And there are aunts who are left behind to take
the pills,
And stay alive,
And pay the rent,
And never speak ill.

We learned it when we were younger,
Some things hurt and hurt again. - 1.You didnt break Gods heart. 2.We cant always spot the wolves. 3.Even people you love can be beasts. 4.Even beds can be hell. 5.Even our bodies can feel like foreign countries.
Countries we never wanted to visit.

Countries
that are on fire. Countries we want to run from.
Countries that will never love us back. 6.You didnt break Gods heart. 7.Dont blame yourself for their bite. 8.You didnt know you were walking into a mouth. 9.Even people you love can be beasts.

The Thing About Souls You are gone in so many ways,
But here in new ones. You have us by the heart;
Well always be yours, and youll always be ours.

Part Prayer, Part Plea Is being someones daughter sure punishment? Will I spend my whole life begging for permission to breathe? A Mercy I want to be as careful with my words as I can. Because I am the kind to run into my mouth and say things less lovely than I meant them. Regret it, regret it in the belly. Here is my offering, ugly and sharp but true.

It always felt good, but it never felt right. And endings can be remarkable things if we let them. What Was Lost Losing will always feel fresh
And under-grieved. You were the sister I chose.
And I was your willing disciple. Somewhere,
A nightclub remembers us dancing. There, our friendship
Is still breathing.

A Few Things You May Reconsider 1.That knife of a mouth. 2.A liking for the bottle, if it comes with a disliking for yourself. 3.Hiding hot anger under thick laughter. 4.Talking yourself out of joy more times than into it. Sold Out Trust me, youll regret it, they say.

- Home for you was always hard.
Someone was always raising their voice,
The other was always wanting out. - Home for you was always hard.
Someone was always raising their voice,
The other was always wanting out.

So much running under one roof.
So much longing in a single space. Addendum All we learned,
we the children they supposedly stayed for,
was that misery was home and right and ours. Softness Is a Gift in Worlds and Homes
as Hard as These Ones Your mother has kind eyes,
Is sorry she said those things you know shell say again tomorrow,
Wishes you werent so set on being so soft and breakable,
Wants you to take her abuse with a smile. Small Violences and Other Lies Because you say it with the sweetest parts of you,
In the sweetest voice,
Out of the sweetest mouth,
I am honeyed by it.
And fall into it.
And crawl under it.
Suddenly, I am the sorry one
And you are the savior.
And all your cruel things are gone and forgotten.