Fin Shepard - How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack

How to Survive a Sharknado

and Other Unnatural Disasters

FIGHT BACK WHEN MONSTERS AND MOTHER NATURE ATTACK

Andrew Shaffer
With Contributions by Fin Shepard and April Wexler

Copyright 2014 by Universal Television Networks. Licensed by Syfy Ventures.

All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York.
www.crownpublishing.com

Three Rivers Press and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Random House LLC.

Sharknado is a trademark and copyright of The Global Asylum Inc. Syfy is a trademark of Universal Studios. Licensed by Syfy Ventures 2014. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN 978-0-553-41813-2
eBook ISBN 978-0-553-41814-9

Illustrations by Michael Lee
Book design by Chad Tomlinson
Cover design by Richard Yoo

v3.1

Dedicated to the memories of
Baz Hogan,
George McCallister,
and
Aprils boyfriend

Semper paratus.

Latin for Always ready.

OFFICIAL MOTTO OF THE US COAST GUARD, AND PERSONAL MOTTO OF FIN SHEPARD

THIS BOOK PROVIDES BASIC ADVICE FOR COPING WITH UNNATURAL disasters and merciless monsters. However, it is not intended as a substitute for emergency-response training or assistance. Following our recommendations does not guarantee your safety. When in doubt, contact your local authorities for guidance. Has a piranhaconda taken up residence in your garden? Officials will be more than happy to assist you. Unless, of course, theyre trying to cover up any mention of the creature because theyre secretly responsible for setting it loose in the first place. You wouldnt believe how often that happens. Okay, maybe you would.

ONE YEAR AGO, I WAS JUST YOUR TYPICAL FORMER SURF CHAMPION , bar owner, and deadbeat dad. The day my life changed began like any other. After a late breakfastbrunch, reallyI slipped my wetsuit on and grabbed my board to catch a few waves before work. On the news, there was talk about Hurricane David driving large numbers of sharks toward Los Angeles. Alarmists, I thought. Every time it rains in L.A., everyone swears its the storm of the century.

This time, they were right.

Before anyone realized what was happening, blue skies gave way to dark clouds. Powerful winds slammed the coast. Torrential rain caused flash flooding throughout the city. Worst of all, sharks washed ashore in droves. They were so thick on the Santa Monica Pier that you had to carry a barstool to beat them away. When the storm temporarily let up, the destruction was unfathomable. My humbly named restaurant, Fin, was reduced to wet kindling.

But the day wasnt over. Not by a long shot. With my ex-wife and children in the storms path, I couldnt stand around waiting for authorities to do something. I had to take charge. Thankfully, Id been preparing my whole life for that moment.

Semper paratus.

Thats not just my motto. Its my nature. Always ready. When the storm spawned three deadly sharknados, I was ready. The fact that no one had ever seen a tornado pick up sharks before was irrelevant. It didnt matter if they were filled with bears from the zoo or tigers from Siegfried and Roys backyard. Semper paratus means being ready for anything.

Every time I turn on the TV theres a new threat. Polar vortices. Stonados. Boaricanes. Its not the world I grew up in, but its the one I live in. Its the one my children live in. They may not carry rappelling gear in their cars like their old man, but theyre prepared for whatever Mother Nature has planned. They have to be.

Too many limbs have been lost. Too many lives wasted. And all because people werent ready. Just like on that horrible day not so long ago, I realized it was time for me to step up. So I sat down with the author of this book and shared my wisdom. My ex-wife, April Wexler, did the same. Everything I know about preparation and survival, everything shes learned along the wayits all here. Other survivors graciously shared their stories too.

While average citizens like you and me cant prevent unnatural disasters, we can prepare for them. Take a Red Crosssponsored first-aid class through work. Create a disaster kit in an afternoon with just a few simple items. Know your familys whereabouts at all times. Like, if you know your son is in Van Nuys at flight school, you might want to mention this to your ex-husband who still thinks hes in Florida. That might be helpful information, April.

You dont need to barricade yourself in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. You dont need a basement full of high-tech weapons, especially when a chainsaw will suffice. What matters most is whats inside your head.

My family and I are ready. Are you? Read this book and count yourself amongst our ranks.

Finley Fin Shepard
Los Angeles, CA
June 2014

I N THE SCIENCE FICTION CLASSIC THE HITCHHIKER S GUIDE to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams joked that Earth is mostly harmless.

A lot has changed since he wrote that back in the seventies. Weve seen sharknados demolish Los Angeles. Weve seen meteorites reverse the Earths polarity. Weve seen an eighty-yard mega python swallow one of the Monkees.

Mostly harmless? Its time we upgraded the planet to mostly harmful.

Mother Nature is angry. Can you blame her? We treat the planet like a rental car with full coverage. Look at our track record over just the past decade. New drilling techniques have exposed hidden dangers below the Earths surface. Genetic engineers have meddled with the building blocks of life itself, producing terrifying creatures. Dont just blame big business and mad scientists, though. From well-meaning preservationists to bumbling college students on holiday, were all to blame for Mother Natures tantrums.

While politicians waste time debating the dangers of fracking and environmentalists wring their hands over our planets rapid deforestation, were left with one seriously pissed-off planet.

Thats where this book comes in. How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters provides you with the knowledge necessary to survive dozens of unnatural threats. Whether youre standing face-to-face with a Mongolian death worm or stuck outdoors during a bataclysm, we have you covered.

But, you say, I dont need this book. Ive seen monster movies. The people who get killed are usually asking for it. All they do is stand there, screaming at the top of their lungs and flailing their arms like those inflatable windsocks at car dealerships.

Put yourself in their shoes. What if you suddenly saw a two-ton great white shark barreling through the air toward your face? Such a sight defies all logic. Thats fake, you mumble. Your brain shorts out. Your legs wont move. Without this book, the best you can hope for is to be killed in a dry pair of underwear.