Hettie Brittz - unNatural Mom: Why You Are the Perfect Mom for Your Kids

All of us moms know those moments when shame and dread wash over us because we have fallen short of the ideal of the Natural Mother. Our child is the only one to show up after summer break without the complete set of school supplies. We lost the list, started too late, or thought that the list was a mere suggestion when in fact it was the eleventh commandment. We wonder if well ever get our mothering act together before we cause permanent damage. We already feed our children the occasional plate of junk food, sometimes put them to bed without a Bible story, and often scream when we should say, Sweetie, lets calm downto ourselves first, then to our children, unless they have already run off to save themselves.

How many failures are we allowed before resigning ourselves to the title of (un)Natural Mom? Many parenting books dont allow us many. They tell us the five characteristics every good mom should have and the seven steps we must take to be true Christian mothers. We cringe as we add up our scores. Books abound about natural ways to do everything from giving birth to letting go, and every one of these books sticks a finger right in our eyes (the manicured finger that only a Natural Mom can maintain, even while she grows her own organic food in the backyard). These books just confirm what we already suspected: we are (un)Natural Moms.

It even happens in church. Every Mothers Day we receive a flower and a reminder of the virtues of the Proverbs 31 woman. Natural Moms might experience a few proud moments when this mirror is held up in front of them, but those of us who cant sew, cook, or stay up all night have an especially tough Sunday.

An (un)Natural Mom is any mom who finds some everyday aspect of motherhood so challenging that she experiences shame, fear, or even despair. She sometimes wonders if she ever should have had children. She envies the seeming ease with which other moms navigate the parenting minefields. In spite of her best efforts, she experiences disappointment and disillusionment in herself as a mother.

Its time for a book that will give such a Christian mother a break. I need such a book. Perhaps Im writing this for myself as much as for every other mom. My hope is that every mom will discover that God is a master designer who has made her to reflect something unique of Himself to the world. He has equipped her distinctly to be the perfect mom for the child or children she is called to raise.

Many years ago, before becoming a mom, I worked in private practice as a speech and language therapist and audiologist. I had a special interest in children with disabilities. Finding the key that led a six-year-old autistic child to utter his first words was one of the greatest thrills of my career. Week after week I tried what certainly was not a normal technique: I tried my utmost to frustrate him, believing that protest is the most basic form of communication. He never even grunted. One day, out of the blue, he turned and screamed at me, Now you stop it! The aggressive response was music to our ears. It had his mom and me in tears of joy. The key I used that day never worked on another autistic client. It was unique to him. I came to believe that when it comes to people, there is no size that fits all. With parenting as well, unique solutions are key.

In South Africa, where I live, we have eleven official languages, and in many of them one needs to be able to roll an r until it vibrates like a motorcycle engine! This is generally hard to learn in adulthood. The program for the pronunciation of an r is hardwired into the brain by then. Even if an adult reproduces the trilling sound successfully, when he or she tries to say it in a sentence, the brain defaults to the old program and the wrong sound comes out. My interest in brain injury led to a thesis on a new model for speech production. I used this knowledge to design therapy plans that could sneak through the back door of the brain so that adults could learn correct pronunciation without realizing what skills we were working on. The correct sound would just pop out one day and be there to stay.