Milne - The naughty diet: the 10-step plan to eat and cheat your way to the body you want

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Copyright 2016 by Melissa Milne

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address Da Capo Press, 44 Farnsworth Street, 3rd Floor, Boston, MA 02210

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Name: Milne, Melissa, author.

Title: The naughty diet: the 10-step plan to eat and cheat your way to the body you want / by Melissa Milne.

Description: Boston, MA: Da Capo Lifelong Books, a member of the Perseus Books Group, [2016] | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016003903 (print) | LCCN 2016007876 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Weight loss--Popular works. | Nutrition--Popular works. | Diet--Psychological aspects--Popular works. | BISAC: HEALTH & FITNESS / Diets. | HEALTH & FITNESS / Weight Loss.

Classification: LCC RM222.2 .M526 2016 (print) | LCC RM222.2 (ebook) | DDC 613.2/5--dc23

LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016003903

First Da Capo Press edition 2016

E-book ISBN: 978-0-7382-1872-4

Published by Da Capo Press

A Member of the Perseus Books Group

www.dacapopress.com

Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended only as an informative guide for those wishing to know more about health issues. In no way is this book intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own physician. The ultimate decision concerning care should be made between you and your doctor. We strongly recommend you follow his or her advice. Information in this book is general and is offered with no guarantees on the part of the authors or Da Capo Press. The authors and publisher disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book. The names and identifying details of people associated with events described in this book have been changed. Any similarity to actual persons is coincidental.

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To your right to feel good without being good.

Table of Contents

Contents

Take my hand, Naughty Girl.

I want to show you something.

ITS RIGHT OVER HERE: the white sandy beach of a quiet little getaway thats closer than you think.

Our little nautical nirvana is emptyjust you and me and a pitcher of rum punch with fresh limes. The dunes shine porcelain under the golden sun, and the cloudless sky meets the rolling waves of the Caribbean in an uninterrupted mural of blue, with only an occasional fishing boat intruding on the horizon. This is the Naughty life. This is Mojito Beach.

And look: here comes another woman, strolling until she stops near us. She slides her sunglasses up to the top of her head and squints at us through the beams of light.

Her name is Sharon. Shes got a mojito, too, and she drains the last of her plastic cup as she flops down in the sand next to us. Im trying to relax, she says after introducing herself, adjusting her sarong so it covers her thighs. I have a hard time doing that. And maybe because she downed that drink too fast, Sharon tells us her story:

My husband and I are here celebrating our fifth anniversary. Well, were supposed to be celebrating. Last night, we had a whole plan to rekindle the excitement. But the only thing we rekindled was the same old fight we always have, she says. I was feeling fat after dinner, and then I didnt feel comfortable getting naked because it was too bright. When I pulled away, he lost his patience, and then he lost... well, you get the picture. I waited until he fell asleep and then I raided the minifridge.

I dunno, Sharon continues, staring out to sea, I feel like Im in a bad place with eating. I know what Im supposed to eat, and think about eating right constantly, but somehow, that just makes me eat more. And then I feel this crushing guilt. I wish I could just disappear and show up on an island where I could start overan island without anyone else to make fun of me, an island without Toblerones.

She turns to you, as if seeing you for the first time, and looks mortified. Oh my God, this is so embarrassing! Can you even relate!?!

Well, dear reader, I ask, raising my mojito (and an eyebrow): Can you?

I can. That was me, all day long, for years. On the surface, you wouldnt think Sharon and I had much in commonand, to be honest, you and I may seem worlds apart, too. I used to be a model from South Africa making my name in London, with the brand-name labels to prove it, and no husband to please. Youd look at mewith my Diet Coke and size 0 dressand think I had it all together. Or at least, thats what I thought at the time. But in fact, I was also in a bad place. Id eat too much and then Id make myself pay. Pay with feeling bad. Pay with restricting calories. Pay with another 1, 5, 10 miles on the treadmill. Only to give in to temptation. And hate myself for it. Again. And again. Like Sharon.

And like millions of other women today.

Just look at YouTube, where videos about body shameby people rich and poor, young and old, like Sharon or like meregularly get millions of views. My name is Sadie Carroway Robertson, says one teenage reality star into her webcam, and I wear a size 2 in a dress and eat all the time. And I was so addicted to food, says a blond mom, in another, that I was over 300 pounds. What Im confessing to is not moderation, says a thin twenty something pumping a dumbbell, in yet one more. I was bingeing on bad food all day, every day, for months. See, the thing is, says Sadie, Im telling you to share the reality of things: I struggle with jealousy, and I struggle with comparing myself to other people. I struggle with worry. And so I had this view of myself that was horrible, says a brunette student.

I hated the body I was in.

Comedians like Nicole Arbor dont help. Her YouTube video Dear Fat Peoplein which the slim blonde compares the overweight to slow-moving zombieshas been seen by more than 7 million people, riling critics and getting banned from YouTube temporarily. She defended it as satire on The View. But cohost Raven-Symone wasnt having it. Theres a lot of different foods out there that have ingredients in them that some people get addicted to, that they cant help the size that they are, she said, adding that shes been 180 pounds her whole adult life. Its borderline bullying, agreed cohost Michelle Collins.