Oblivion King - The Supervillain Handbook: the Ultimate How-To Guide to Destruction and Mayhem

Good (Bad) Praise for The Supervillain Handbook

Contained within the pages of The Supervillain Handbook is an easy-to-follow blueprint for villainy and world domination. If it should fall into the wrong hands, it could threaten the very foundations of our society. Those of us who value decency and the rule of law must rush out and purchase every copy we find! Every copy we buy is a copy that wont end up in the clutches of some aspiring supervillain.

Chris Roberson, former writer of Superman

At long last, everything YOU or your loved ones need to give themselves over wholeheartedly to the meaningful and lasting pursuit of villainy has been recorded in these pages. Had I this book in high school, youd be wearing a grey uniform right now and your hair would be shaved into a, like, reverse-monk sort of thing I had figured out, as, if I had this book in high school, you would all be my minions and the world would be my playground. My loss is YOUR gain. Hail King Oblivion!

Matt Fraction, writer of Iron Man and Thor

A darkly clever book invaluable to the supervillain community. And Im not just saying that because the authors hyperphotonic deathray is pointed at my loved ones.

Mark Waid, writer of Daredevil, and formerly The Fantastic Four, The Flash, and Captain America

This book is going to elevate otherwise common criminals like CEOs and hedge fund managers into full-on world menacesoh wait, they already are. At least now theyll know how to rock a cape and boots though, so well done! Carry on.

Jeff Parker, author of the supervillain team book, Thunderbolts

Copyright 2012 by Matt D. Wilson

Illustrations copyright 2012 by Adam Wallenta

This book is intended for entertainment purposes only. In fact, its credited author is a totally made-up person (seriously!). Not even close to being real. Nothing contained herein should be construed as an indication of advocacy on the part of its ghostwriter and publisher for breaking laws, violence against anyone, or messing with anyones water supply. Any mentions of real people or organizations are for purposes of satire only, so laugh with us, everybody!

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York,

NY 10018.

Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contactthe Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse
Publishing, Inc. , a Delaware corporation.

www.skyhorsepublishing.com

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

The supervillain handbook : the ultimate how-to guide to destruction and mayhem / King Oblivion, Ph.D., founder, the International Society of Supervillains (as told to Matt D. Wilson).

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-61608-711-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. CriminalsHumor. 2. Villains in literature. 3. SuperheroesHumor.

4. Comic books, strips, etc. I. Wilson, Matt D.

PN6231.C73S87 2012

818.607dc23

2011045687

Printed in China

For Vic von Doom, my hero (villain)

P athetic fools! You dare to think that the tome you now hold is anything but the key to your impending doom? Do you not understand the severity and brilliance of the trap you have set for yourself by purchasing and reading a volume by the very villains who hunger for your demise? Have you no idea that the money you have so frivolously spent on these pages will inevitably fund worldwide chaos?

You shall soon pay for your insolence! You shall soon learn from your mistakes! But not before this conveniently packaged, essential villains how-to guide shall bring about your complete destruction!

MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

* * *

Got you, didnt I?

Im King Oblivion, Ph.D., founder and overlord of the International Society of Supervillains (ISS). Youve made the right (wrong) choice in picking up The Supervillain Handbook, the best and only resource for cads, scoundrels, neer-do-wells, and heels looking to go professional. The chilling mini-monologue I just used to kick off this guide is only a taste of what you might soon be able to achieve if you decide to enter the competitive, yet, rewarding world of supervillainy.

People everywhere are looking for viable alternatives to the average, ho-hum job market and its constant cycle of hirings and firings, pay cuts, and pension reforms. supervillainy offers just that. Adventure! Maniacal laughter! Dynamic outfits! Death rays! Underwater lairs! A sensible retirement plan! Punching! All these things are within your grasp.

But it isnt all just fun and torture. Theres a lot of preparation involved, and creating mass hysteria and fear for a living isnt for everyone. Still, being a career scoundrel can be the most satisfying work in the world, if youre up to it.

If this sounds like what youre looking for in a career, then read on, recruit, and be prepared to enter the world of wrong, wrathful wickedness!

W hen you picked up this book for the first time and felt its overwhelming power over you, its undeniable magnetic pull daring you to thumb through its pages and glance through its passages, you likely noticed the many mentions of the International Society of Supervillains in the text and wondered, What the hell is that all about? And whys the abbreviation the same as the International Space Stations? Thats good (bad), because our goal all along has been to operate just under the surface of public notice, doing evil without wide public knowledge (the one obvious exception being when we stupidly bribed all those space agency officials for the naming rights to the International Space Station).

I know you had these questions, because I pulled out my patented Psychomonitor thought-reading device to get a sense of the questions people buying and/or reading this book have. To answer the question that just popped into your head: the ISS attorney, The Litigatron, says reading this sentence equals compliance with Psychomonitor use, and its not like Id care if it were legal anyway, so there.

For a timeline of our exploits, I suggest you read through the entirety of this book to get to the history of the ISS, near the back. (No skipping ahead. You should be aware that we have included special traps to spring on readers who skip ahead and try to get the advance supervillainy tips before reading about the basic stuff. Dont be gettin presumptuous all in here, for serious.)

If you absolutely must know some juicy information about the worldwide evil organization I head because youre some kind of paranoid maniac who feels like you have to see some sort of proof of expertise before you read an entire guidebook written by someone claiming to be an expertwhich makes you a rare reader in the self-help genre, and weve got the research to back that upthen, fine; Ill give you some of the highlights, Mr. I-Wont-Blindly-Believe-Anything-Anyone-Tells-Me-So-Im-Gonna-Make-It-Hard-For-Everyone. But you should realize that youre delaying gratification for all the other readers who just want to find out how to tie teenage do-gooders to giant piano strings.