Porter - The MILF diet: change your life, change your body, change your future, deliciously

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This book is dedicated to the late Michael Simpson,

who had a beautiful body, a shimmering soul, and uncanny MILFdar.

T he term MILF means, in slightly more titillating verbiage, m other with whom I d l ike to f ornicate. According to Wikipedia,

M.I.L.F. denotes a sexually attractive older female, generally between 30 and 50 in age and not necessarily an actual mother. The term was popularized by the film American Pie (1999), though the origin of the term predates this [as it was] already used for years on the Internet.

These days, MILF has become a compliment. While other names for sexy women have remained stuck to the brothel floor, MILF has picked itself up, crawled out the door, and marched with pride into the local health food store. Thats because theres something more to MILF. Something almost magical about it. Ive seen it in the eyes of every woman whom Ive told about The MILF Diet. First the teensiest bit of shock and then a wonderful expression of joy. I love it! they said, time and time again. Nine out of ten women surveyed had good feelings about the term MILF.

And then it revealed itself in a flash of neurological lightning: MILF is evolutionary. MILF acknowledges that women canand dostay sexy and vital, and that mothers can turn heads as well. Clean, pure, and the Madonnas of a certain Madonna/whore complex: MOTHERS .

Finally. We MILFs have been waiting for the last two thousand years to get our sexuality back. Ever since Mary played the Immaculate card in Bethlehem, our culture has been struggling with a fundamental split: women are unconsciously perceived as either good girls or good- time girls, either naughty or nice.

What a drag for us MILFs! We knew that our C cups were for fun and function. We knew that we could change a diaper and look smoking hotjust not always at the same time, thank you very much. There was no actual split in us. And, frankly, its been painful to constantlyand often unconsciouslyhave to choose one side of ourselves over the other.

But MILF saves the day! Suddenly we can be mothers (or the age of mothers) and be considered frisky in the bedroom. With MILF comes the acknowledgment of the complexity and beauty of womanhood.

And whats best about MILF is that the term was generated by men, for men. Its not some politically correct label were trying to shove down their throats. Perhaps the term MILF is evidence that a healing is going on in our newly minted males. Maybe its because they were brought up by sexy, cool, independent women... MILFs themselves. Maybe its because there are just some very sexy mothers out there, pushing their carts at Whole Foods. No matter its origins, Im suggesting we co-opt this term and wear it with pride. Because it reunites sexuality and the great maternal gifts of womanhood, its a four-letter word we can get behind.

Okay, okay. MILF may not save marriages. Or heal nations. But it does, like the Madonna/whore complex, do its work quietly and subconsciously within the culture. With MILF comes a positive, deep, and pleasurable recognition that we women are fantastic in our fecundity, are wired to love deeply, and can be thoroughly naughty in bed. Stuff we knew all along. Finally, the men are figuring it out.

And these days, with yoga classes on every corner and Eckhart Tolle on every bedside table, your average MILF is working on her higher self, too. She is exploring another dimension that takes her personal power to the next level. In this book, we address that plane of consciousness and unite it again, appropriately, with motherhood, sexuality, and the other lovely attributes of MILFiness.

The age of the MILF is upon us, and its about freaking time.

One of the quickest routes to natural MILFiness is through food; by eating whole, natural foods and letting go of processed, crappy food, the female body finds its peaceful home again. Extra pounds simply fall away. Inner hardness softens. The plumbing works much better. You step off that horrible emotional roller coaster and a wonderful clarity descends.

Happily, these foods will also significantly reduce your risk of decidedly un-MILFy conditions like osteoporosis, diabetes, heart disease, and breast cancer. Whole grains will leave you feeling energized, yet relaxed and clearheaded. Sea vegetables will make your skin all dewy and your hair stronger and shinier. Bye-bye, tracksuits! Hello, cute tennis outfits! Your DILF wont know what hit im.

But thats not all; by sticking close to Mother Nature in our food choices, that witchipoo intuition we each carry inside becomes sharp, dependable, and loud. You will become more sensitive to vibrations and less a victim of the material world and its follies. You will start working more from the creative right hemisphere of your brain and less from the noisy, logical left. You will find your own inner balance and a whole new dimension to your feminine power. This is cruising at high MILFitude.

And the sex? Well, sex changes, too. The MILF diet will bring you back home to your body. Every single buzzing cell of it. So instead of focusing on the finish, you will relish the journey again. Rubbing up against your DILF will blow your mind, because by merely being in his presence, open and MILFy, your opposite energy fields collide and start their fireworks. Remember, you radiate a powerful, womanly, nourishing force. Your very essence makes a man feel strong and alive.

To stay MILFy is to keep a certain feminine je ne sais quoi alive and kicking. And yet, that mysterious element may not be so mysterious. In Chinese philosophy, the feminine principle is called yin, a soft and receptive force. In the West, the closest we come to describing the feminine might be Mother Nature, as we acknowledge her uniquely female qualities.

Natural femininity existsperfectly intactinside of you. You dont need to chant about it, or wear the right fertility amulet, or even understand it in an intellectual way. This energy is you. You are it. By being born with a set of ovaries, a uterus, and a functional set of boobs, you are a card-carrying member of the Yin Club, and head pom-pom waver on Mother Natures cheerleading squad.

In Taoist thought, opposite (yet complementary) forces come together to make all things. Although we in the West recognize sets of opposites like sperm and egg, man and woman, oil and vinegar, we tend to reduce them to their material, mechanical components. We love to whip out the microscope and analyze them, reducing them further to ittier and bittier parts. But in the East, each member of any duality is thought to be backed by a fundamental force of nature: yin or yang. To the Eastern mind, everything can be seen through this lens of yin and yang. And if that language is too weird, lets swap it for expansion and contraction. For instance, plants expand in the summer and contract in the winter. The tide rolls in and the tide rolls out. At this very moment, your heart is expanding and contracting. Ditto your lungs. All these rhythms are created by the natural attraction between these two opposite forces, which are at play on every level of existence.