Stevens - The Joy of the Quickie: More Than 150 Ways to Do It Now!
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- Book:The Joy of the Quickie: More Than 150 Ways to Do It Now!
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- Year:2011
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The Joy of the Quickie: More Than 150 Ways to Do It Now!: summary, description and annotation
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When you hear the word quickies, do you think of squeezing into the backseat or sharing a shower? If so, youve got a lot to learnand this isnt the sex ed you learned in school. Forget the old standbys youve been frequenting since you first started getting frisky. This book puts you on top of your game with 150 unique, adrenaline-pumping locations guaranteed to please. From getting it on at the grocery store to knocking boots on a Ferris wheel, this irresistible sex guide will tell you not only where to seal the deal, but also how to do it without getting caught. The Joy of the Quickie: Why wait until later when you can do it now?
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The
JOY
of the
Quickie
KATE STEVENS More Than
150 Ways to
Do It Now!
In the world of sex, the quickie is like a fun-size candy bar you pop into your mouth for an instant burst of feel-good satisfaction. Quickies cut to the chase, get to the point, and deliver what you want when you want it. The only tricky part is Where can I have it? because the urge for a quickie can take hold in the most unlikely placesbut fear not! This handy guide is here to make matters easy. With a little preparation and imagination, your love life will truly live up to the promise of anytime, anywhere.
Listen, anybody can have sex in a bed. So predictable, so routine! Once you extend the field of possibilities to elevators, corn mazes, pickup trucks, and yes, even rodeos, bowling alleys, and walk-in freezers, sex becomes an opportunity that pops up everywhere you look! The element of danger is sure to spice up the sex, and whats more, afterward youll have stories to tell your closest friends and, years from now, yarns to spin for your grandchildren, who will be astounded not only that you had sex but also that you did it in a hot air balloon.
More than 150 possible locations are listed alphabetically, from AA meeting to Zoo. Each entry lays the groundwork with a description of the situation, assesses the dangers involved, and advises you on the best logistics and strategies to pull things off (so to speak). If youve never contemplated getting it on in a canoe, a drive-thru, a family reunion, or a pumpkin patch, youll need to pay close attention to special considerations and advice listed in each entry.
The Joy of the Quickie gives you everything you need to strike while the iron is hot. Good sex may be worth waiting for, but often the best sex is the kind you just gotta have NOW, no matter where you are or what youre doing (or even who youre with)!
Read on, make your plans, and enjoy sex this instant!
Youve admitted you have a problem, but now the problem is, twelve steps feels like eleven too many! Is that hottie across the sharing circle winking at you?
Risk Factor:
If you get caught, you may be asked to take it down the hall to the Sex Addicts Anonymous.
DO IT (NOW):
While listening to peoples stories, take note of emotional stability, so you can make the best choice. (Forget the group moderators: pesky ethics rules them out.) Next, scope your location during coffee break: if youre in a church basement, look for a private confessional room; in a Knights of Columbus hall, look for the broom closet. Wait until the end of the meeting to put a cherry on top of an evening of catharsis. Consider stretching out the four bases into twelve steps, the first step being a comforting hug enhanced with a fast feel. As you build trust, move on to kissing. Use your imagination to fill in the rest, but dont lose sight of your primary purpose in attending the AA meeting.
Considerations:
If you get caught, use your alcoholism as an excuse (I couldnt help myselfand at least Im not drinking!).
Traveling by airplane can be boring and nerve-wracking. What better way to pass the time and release some stress than by joining the mile-high club. Get out of your seat and head to the lavatory for fun.
Risk Factor:
A few things could make this tryst a little dangerous. The bathrooms on airplanes are small, so be prepared to get creative! Also, remember that even over the roar of the engine, passengers and flight attendants might hear you.
DO IT (NOW):
Pretend you arent feeling well and ask your partner to help you to the bathroom. That way, suspicions wont be raised if noises are heard or if youre in there too long. Theres not much room for a lot of movement, so the best position is from behind with the woman bent over the toilet. If shes wearing a skirt theres no need to stripmen can just unzip. If anyone walks in on you, she can act like she was getting sick, especially if hes holding onto her hair. Keep in mind that turbulence can work in your favor, so plan your bathroom trip for when the ride gets bumpy!
Considerations:
People that need to use the bathroom and are waiting in line might get impatient and call the flight attendant.
Never has the sentence
I had a layover in Atlanta carried so much weight. Youre either stuck in a strange city for the night or delayed for what feels like an eternity, and nothing would calm your nerves more than having someone fly you to the moon.
Risk Factor:
Choose wisely, and remember that federal agents often go undercover. You dont want someone yelling Terrorist! when all you want to do is hide something in a body cavity!
DO IT (NOW):
Keep your tryst out of the airport bathroom: many a politician and rock star has been disgraced this way. Instead, approach your hook-up and suggest you both give up your seats on this flight to get an overnight stay at a local hotel. Airports also have bars, full of stressed-out businesspeople and young hotties gearing up for fun in Cancun. Ladies, try the pickup line: Im worried my underwire bra will set off the metal detector. Care to help me get it off? And for the gents: I know about a perk you wont find in first class. If youre rebuffed, say youll toss in a free bag of peanuts.
Considerations:
Time your tryst wisely. Otherwise, you may end up running through the terminal to make your connection with your pants around your ankles.
Youre in the city with no money for a hotel room. Fortunately, the alley behind the hotel affords some privacy! Suggest to your hook-up that you take a shortcutand what is a quickie but a quick cut to the chase?
Risk Factor:
Anyone who happens upon you and your hook-up is not going to act surprised: its an alley, after all. Chances are, anyone who passes by will just keep on walking.
DO IT (NOW):
The longer, the betterand Im talking about the alley here, silly goose. Longer alleys tend to be darker alleys, and waiting till nighttime will grant you cover. If someone goes so far as to flash a light in your direction, say, Hey, do you mind? Im trying to save my marriage here! (Hearing this from the female will put anyones fear of public assault to rest.) The alley may be a bit smelly or dirty, so pour a bottle of your favorite cologne onto the pavement in a circle around where you plan your quickie: thatll stave off any other scent long enough to make the quickie an olfactory pleasure.
Considerations:
As with all public sex, you run the risk of police intervention, especially if that old lady peeking out her window doesnt like what she sees!
The urge for a quickie often feels like a life or death emergency, so where better to satisfy oneself than an ambulance? Youll be surrounded by equipment engineered to cure what ails you.
Risk Factor:
If anything, the penalty for having sex in an ambulance is being trucked off to the branch of the psycho ward where they deal with sexual pathology.
DO IT (NOW):
If you find yourself in an ambulance for a genuine medical emergency, hitting on the EMT isnt going to be top of mind. Instead, start dating an EMT. Once you have your hooks in one, see if your lover can arrange a rendezvous. Sex in a parked ambulance doesnt have the same charge as speeding through traffic, sirens blaring, while you and your lover are inching toward climax, but with imagination, you can recreate that sense of urgency that accelerates your orgasmic response. If youre playing patient, pretend that mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and a vigorous chest massage has yielded no results, and its time for more desperate measures!
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