Mr Niklas Frank - German Men Sit Down to Pee and Other Insights into German Culture

German Men Sit Down to Pee

& Other Insights Into German Culture

Niklas Frank, James Cave

Copyright 2016 HJ Publishing

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Niklas is originally from Germany and has lived in several countries including Sweden and China. After working for a number of international teams at several companies, he realised that his colleagues were intrigued by some of the German things he did. Seeing that people were curious about German culture, he started putting together ideas for a handbook to German culture.

Originally from Ireland, James is a freelance writer who has spent time living in Berlin. As a non-native, his outsiders perspective meant he was able to see how life in Germany is different, confusing, and often unintentionally amusing to newcomers. While living in Germany he probably broke every single one of the rules mentioned in this book but, thankfully, hes now able to put all of that down to research.

Internal illustrations by Will Dinski (www.willdinski.com). Will is an illustrator and cartoonist living in Minneapolis, USA. He is best known for his graphic novel Fingerprints.

Cover design by Bruno Reis Santos (www.behance.net/lordmantraste). Bruno is a freelance graphic designer and illustrator, based in Portugal.

Every culture is subject to stereotyping, but few are put into a box quite as much as the Germans are. Ask people to describe the Germans and most will respond with a clich: they're efficient, they're punctual, they have no sense of humour...

The problem with stereotypes (one of the problems, anyway) is that theyre limiting. Its true: Germans can be exceptionally punctual. But if all of German culture could be reduced to a one-word clich, Germany would be an incredibly boring place.

It obviously isnt. Every year, millions of tourists visit Germany. One would imagine they're drawn to something other than its reputation for efficiency and punctuality. Others come here for work or study placements. And many of those tourists, professionals, and students enjoy their time in Germany so much that they end up moving here permanently, buying a Volkswagen, and naming their children Fritz and Heidi.

Regardless of whether youre visiting a new country for a weekend or moving there permanently, one of the most important (but often hardest) things to do is figuring out what makes life there different to life where you come from. Firstly, it gives you a sense of the culture and, secondly, it means youll avoid making any awkward cultural faux pas.

Most countries leave you to work this out by trial and error but since one of us is German (and the other has already been through the process), we did the most German thing possible and produced a guidebook to German culture.

Over the course of this book, well look at fifty rules or insights into German culture. Why, for example, when the sun comes out it's completely acceptable to lie naked in the middle of a public park, but mow your lawn fully clothed on a Sunday and you'll get an earful from your neighbour.

It goes without saying that these rules and insights are generalisations. Not everybody loves David Hasselhoff, waits patiently at the traffic lights, or gets excited about the start of asparagus season. Its rumoured that there are even a few unpunctual Germans.

Stay in Germany for long enough, though, and youll see all of these rules in action at some point or another.

If youre moving to Germany, we hope this book will help you settle in faster and easier. If youre just visiting for a few days, hopefully itll enrich your time here and mean your knowledge of German culture wont be limited to just Currywurst and beer.

James & Niklas

Contents

Officially, the first rule of being German is to always follow the rules. It may be a stereotype but, like most stereotypes, theres definitely some truth to it. From a German perspective, rules are there for a reason. Its not necessary to always know the reasoning behind the rule or even to agree with it. Whats important is that rules are followed and are followed at all times.

Youll see this obedience in action if you try to cross a road in Germany while theres a red man (or a red woman in the most politically correct parts of Germany). We all know the rules here: a green man means its safe to cross, and a red man means that you should wait. Of course, weve all broken this rule once or twice, maybe even once or twice in the past week.

Germans wait for the green man. Even if its 2 am and theres not a single car on the road. Even if its pouring with rain and theyre running late for a very important meeting. Even if the girl of their dreams is across the road, about to step onto a long-distance bus and out of their lives forever. The reason doesn't matter, following the rules does, and so Germans wait for the green man. At least, as long as there's someone else standing at the traffic lights or walking nearby.

If someone sees you cross the road when there's a red man youll face the consequences. We're not talking about jaywalking fines here, although the Ordnungsamt (Ministry of order) do dish them out from time to time. We're talking about getting a loud tut-tut or even a telling off from all of the other people who are obediently waiting for the light to turn green. In extreme cases, someone might even take the time to chase you down the street (once the light has changed, of course) and give you a lecture about road safety. Germans, as you'll discover, can be very shy. But if they see someone else break a rule like not waiting for the green man all of that shyness quickly disappears.

Whether you're in Germany for a short trip or you're making a more permanent move, remember, always follow the rules. After all, they're there for a reason. More importantly, nobody wants a public reprimanding from a fellow law-abiding citizen.

Lets be honest, nobody really loves bureaucracy, not even the Germans. You might even be surprised to learn that bureaucracy exists in a country with such a reputation for efficiency, but it does. And even though Germans can be very vocal in their dislike for bureaucracy, in practice they're fairly tolerant of it.

After all, what is bureaucracy but a collection of rules? As we've already learned, from a German perspective rules are a good thing. Some might even say a great thing. Bureaucracy may not be perfect, and inevitably it always ends up becoming unnecessarily excessive, but its much better than the alternative: not having enough rules!

A good example of the extremes German bureaucracy is taken to comes from an alleged Deutsche Post memo. It states: