Jason Evert - Pure Manhood

Pure Manhood

Jason Evert

Catholic

Answers

Press

San Diego

2011

Pure Manhood

Jason Evert

2007, 2011 Catholic Answers, Inc.

All rights reserved. Except for quotations, no part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, uploading to the Internet, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the Revised Standard Version: Catholic Edition (RSV:CE) of the Bible,
1996 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America.

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NIHIL OBSTAT: I have concluded that the materials presented in this work are free of doctrinal and moral errors.

Bernadeane M. Carr, SLT

March 6, 2007

IMPRIMATUR: In accord with 1983 CIC 827 3, permission to
publish this work is hereby granted.

Robert H. Brom

Bishop of San Diego

March 6, 2007

Cover by Devin Schadt

Interior by Russell Design

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-938983-23-8

I was unloading a surfboard from the roof of my truck when I heard a mumbled voice behind me say, Man, chicks are sooo easy! I looked down and saw a guy about my age, hung over and half asleep in the back seat of his convertible. Apparently, he had been unable to drive home after his date the previous evening. Unsure of what to say to him, I took my board and walked to the beach.

Sitting on the water that afternoon, I did more thinking than surfing. I thought of the times I had used girls and the times that I had felt used by them. I thought of the times that I was congratulated for my impurities and mocked for the innocence I managed to retain. A quote I once read echoed in my head: Until a man knows hes a man, he will be trying to prove that he is one.

What does it mean to be a man? How does a guy establish his manhood?

Most of us learned in the locker room that losing your purity proves your masculinity. But we all know that something is missing from this picture of manhood. Behind all the bragging about sexual conquests on prom night, every guy harbors a deeper longing to cherish a girl. For example, when a guy imagines his future bride, he doesnt think about getting some from her. He thinks about giving his life to her.

Despite what the world seems to think, most guys are not players who intentionally victimize clueless women. Sure, those guys exist. But nowadays it seems like there are just as many girls out there who are using guys. There is a battlefield of love and lust within everyones heart. Thankfully, our call to love runs deeper than our temptation to lust. For proof of this, one need only look as far as the outside of a strip club. There will be a neon sign claiming that there are gentlemen inside. No matter how far we fall, we never forget that we are supposed to be men.

The purpose of this booklet is to help you to choose the good and live it out. It is not a condemnation but a challenge to accept the demands of authentic manhood and, in doing so, to become a blessing to women and a visible image of God the Fathers love.

What do girls want?

To answer this question, I gave a survey to a thousand high school and college girls. Two of the four questions I asked were What do you want in a man? and If you wanted guys to know one thing, what would it be?

Heres what they said:

The quality they most wanted in a man was that he be faithful and honest. In a close second, they wanted him to be respectful. Other common responses were that the man be loving, caring, pure, and close to God. Together, these six virtues accounted for about 90 percent of the votes. Attractiveness, athletic ability, and wealth were not the first concerns.

When asked about the one thing they wanted men to know, some of the ladies offered pearls of wisdom such as Dont be stupid and Never say, She looks fat in that dress. Fortunately, most of the girls gave more substantial answers about what they like guys to know.

Some suggested, Take a chance, when it comes to relationships, or Be the person you want to marry. A large number of young women said, Be yourself, and dont let your friends pressure you into becoming anyone else. Some said, Love God more than me.

Other girls expressed their hurts and insecurities. They wanted guys to know Were fragile, Never hurt me, or If I could take back one night, I would. These answers conveyed a sense that many girls had been manipulated and used and few had been guarded in love or pursued with sincerity. Many seemed to doubt that theyre worth fighting for.

Purity was a common theme in 20 percent of the responses, with girls saying things like Never pressure a girl, Its more hot to wait until youre married, and I am waiting for you, and when I find you some day Ill give you all of myself because Ive saved myself for you. I love you wherever you are and whoever you are! One girl addressed purity of speech, saying, Dont say perverted things to girls. Its degrading and scary. Another girl said, If youre trying to be pure and you see a girl dressed modestly, tell her you appreciate her modesty.

But the top response by a landsliderepresenting 429 of 1,000 answerswas that the girls wanted a man to know how to treat her like a lady. They expressed the hope that guys would respect women and not use them, and Love me for who I am, not just my body. The girls also asked not to be treated like one of the guys. In the words of one girl, All that girls want is a gentleman. By gentleman she did not mean a sweet and thoughtful boy but rather a man who knows how to honor a woman properly.

Knowing this, its reasonable to ask why girls date jerks if they really want gentlemen. Or why they dress like they want their bodies to get all the attention if they really want guys to be interested in their personalities.

One young woman answered these objections best when she wrote, Some of us dont know how we should be treated. Sometimes girls are willing to forget their dignity and their deepest longings for the sake of feeling desirable to a man. In a similar way, we may forget our desire to be gentlemen for the sake of receiving pleasure.

Whats a gentleman supposed to do?

Guys are constantly told to act like gentleman but are rarely told exactly what this means. I include the following not because Ive mastered any of it, but because I could have used these specifics a while ago.

If youre interested in a girl, first build the foundation of a lasting friendship. By doing this, youll be able to see if youre attracted to her personality and not just her looks. It will also give you the chance to know her family before you pursue her. When a guy skips this step of a relationship, the girls parents often resent him and wonder why hes afraid to be around them. They know that a guy who isnt trustworthy is easily intimidated by loving parents. They want only the best for their daughter, and if you love her, you will share their intention. I once heard a mother say that she was so protective of her daughter because after working so hard to raise godly children, the last thing she wanted was to see her daughter throw it all away and marry some unprepared spiritual midget.

When the time comes to ask a young woman out, take the initiative. Theres no way around ita guy has to experience being a nervous wreck as he asks a girl out. This honors the girl, because it takes the burden of rejection off of her and places it on you. By initiating love, youre telling her that youd rather be rejected by her than not have had the chance to win her. So get out of your shell. If shes not worth the pain of rejection, then you dont desire her enough.