Jaclyn London - Dressing on the side (and other diet myths debunked) : 11 science-based ways to eat more, stress less, and feel great about your body

understand some real information about the human metabolism;

swap toxic diet language for happier, healthier terminology; and

tell the difference between a fad diet and nutrition information you can actually use.

Its January 1, and your head feels like its going to explode. For the last five weeks, youve been hungover (okay, maybe since football season, as long as were starting the year off from a place of honesty, and all ).

Youre hangry; your head aches; your eyes are puffy; your face is puffy; hell, your right toenail looks a little bloated. You have to make resolutions, clean up your living space, invest in your kids college fund (regardless of whether you even have children), remodel and refinance your home, and make amends with anyone youve ever alienated or by whom youve felt rejected. Plus, you need to start meditating (like, at least twice a day maybe you need some crystals, too?), and on top of all of this: You have to go to work tomorrow.

(The world is so cruel!)

Once youve managed to hoist yourself out of bed and officially raise the blinds on the New Year, you think to yourself, This is the year Im going to lose weight. But how? Youve already been on all the diets. Right? I mean, who hasnt tried a low-carb breakfast and a vegan lunch?

Okay, think, you say to yourself. Who would know how and where to start? And out of nowhere, your phone rings: Its your mom. Shes starting the Whole30 diet today, and its so amazing! She lost five pounds in the last hour since she started it. Must be all of that chopping and meal prepping, you think.

Once you finally pry her off the phone, you log in to Facebook. Cousin Joe has gone seventeen hours (and counting!) on his new fast (yes, hes not eating for twenty-four hours, and there isnt any actual religious reason or promised spiritual ascension for doing so). His latest status says hes biohacking, which you have to reread a few times because it sounds like some form of cyberterrorism (Wait, can he see me through this little camera on my screen?! OMG), but its actually just Silicon Valleyspeak for dieting.

(Hes gotten so disciplined since he moved to Marin!)

Your favorite blogger? Shes eating apples for a week. Nothing else. Just apples. Is this real? Apparently, its not only real, but its #clean #healthy #vegan.

Later, you call your dad to check in and wish him a happy New Year, and he tells you: Went to the doc this morning; he says I need to be on a low sodium diet, so I threw away all the saltshakers in the house. Uncle Jims doing it with mewere going out for Chinese tonight!

Weird, you think to yourself. Your favorite cuff bracelet could barely squeeze onto your pinky finger the last time you dipped a dumpling into soy sauce, but maybe that was because youre allergic to soy? I should try a detox, you think. It sounds very clean, wholesome, transcendent, even. Detox sounds like something the super-jacked VP at work does after his mornings at CrossFit and before his Clean-Mean-Green-2B-LEAN protein shake, or what the yoga-obsessed twenty-three-year-old retired model you met at your nephews daycare does after too many sips of organic vodka.

It sounds like the type of thing that only someone who wants to be the BEST version of myself this year! would do while uploading to Instagram from a silent meditation retreat in the desert. #cactusselfie #newyearnewme.

(I wonder if phones are even allowed on silent retreats? you wonder aloud to your houseplant.)

I should try it; if theres anyone who needs to detox right now, its me.

And just like that, you boil a pot of hot water to sip (with lemon, of course! I mean, youre starting RIGHT NOW!! And what else is even safe anymore?!) and take a seat at your computer.

You open Google, type in detox diet, and leapclear heart, open mind!into the land of diet claims, cleanses, kale, quinoa, and a ton of confusion.

Heres a secret Im going to let you in on right now (you may already know this, given that youre reading this book): Detoxes are bullsh*t. Actually, theyre a lot more than that: Detoxification, in general, is a real thingboth metabolically speaking and as part of a behavior change intervention in the beginning stage of addiction therapy treatment. The idea of detoxing is being used incorrectly by the diet/wellness world. Periods of extreme eating (or drinking) do not expedite the functions your liver already performsall day, every day. As long as youre alive and have functioning vital organs while reading this book, youre detoxing right now! Extolling the benefits of liver detoxes is like being impressed by seeing a painter painting or a pilot flying (its cool, but part of the job description!