Bella Zanesco - Smart Girls Screw Up Too: A No-Nonsense Approach to Ergluing It All Back Together

The way Bella found the courage and inner strength to banish depression from her life and become a World Champion is inspirational. Her insights will help us all uncover joy and vitality in our everyday lives.

Sam Cawthorn, Young Australian of the Year.

Ive never been one to read self-help books but I couldnt put this down. Its made me want to look at my life and make myself happier and more balanced.

Mandy-Rae Cruickshank, seven-time World Record holder (freediving).

Smart Girls will learn from their mistakes. That way they can become our next Wisdom Keepers. We all need a road map to navigate lifes mysteries. Bellas book is a good one! May we all Walk in Beauty.

Ana Tiger Forrest, author of Fierce Medicine, Creatrix of Forrest Yoga, Medicine woman

Smart Girls reveals with brutal honesty the fact that many woman face considerable challenges and setbacks these days. But this book is not a self-indulgent pitty party far from it. Bella has a genuine interest in exposing truth her truth but then bringing her reflections together with relevant research to produce a practical guidebook for uncovering what matters and how to bring out our potential in life and work. Its not just for women, either. Men you will not only learn a great deal about the other 50 per cent of the human race, but many of the key principles and practises can be equally applied to us.

Dr Adrian Medhurst, author of Meditate on This, performance psychology and wellbeing expert and co-founder of Benny Button.

First published in 2018 by John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd
42 McDougall St, Milton Qld 4064
Office also in Melbourne

Typeset in 11.5/16pt Bembo Std

John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd 2018

The moral rights of the author have been asserted

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the Australian Copyright Act 1968 (for example, a fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review), no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, communicated or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission. All inquiries should be made to the publisher at the address above.

Cover design by Wiley

Cover and internal background image koosen / Shutterstock
Internal illustrations by Delia Sala

Printed in Singapore by C.O.S. Printers Pte Ltd

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Disclaimer

The material in this publication is of the nature of general comment only, and does not represent professional advice. It is not intended to provide specific guidance for particular circumstances and it should not be relied on as the basis for any decision to take action or not take action on any matter which it covers. Readers should obtain professional advice where appropriate, before making any such decision. To the maximum extent permitted by law, the author and publisher disclaim all responsibility and liability to any person, arising directly or indirectly from any person taking or not taking action based on the information in this publication.

The woman youre becoming will cost you people, spaces and material things. Choose her over everything.

It started with two simple but life-changing words that weve all heard at some point in our lives even if we were the ones uttering them.

Its over.

Two words. Delivered in that low, unwavering tone reserved entirely for painful truths. Two words that shattered me to my very core as my perfectly planned future inclusive of dogs, babies, houses, money and marriage dissolved like it had never existed in the first place.

Who knew I was that fragile?

My new reality was a deepening of my depression. It went from being a low but ever-present hum in the distance that I could cope with if I just kept busy, to being the deep, grey, sticky kind that takes every ounce of your being to wade through. Because the constant tapes running in my mind How did I let my life end up like this? No-one understands this. Im alone and Im useless. How do I keep going? were really screwing up my life. I could no longer ignore them because getting out of bed was a challenge. Making the bed was an achievement. And tomorrow was a place I hoped would be better but feared would be even worse.

Because Id tried all the normal bandaids: Tinder swiping, handbag shopping and bottles of pinot grigio. But none of it had worked. Instead, it had all just catapulted me deeper into that vat of sticky sadness and confusion. I liken this experience to a vase smashing on the floor: you can glue it back together, but its never quite the same you can always see the cracks, the chips.

It was as I lay in my mothers arms in the foetal position that I had my first hopeful thought since it all went down: what if the new version of me could somehow be better than the sleek, activity-based and society-defined version Id always sought to be? What if there was a way I could turn this into a good thing? Well, this is the story of how I did just that.

But this is not a how to survive a break-up book. Its a book for anyone navigating a life change, however big or small. Its for women (and men) of all walks of life who want to create a life they want but dont know where or how to start. Because the its over moment really just refers to the end of a chapter. For me, that chapter involved the end of a relationship, finding more fulfilling work and recovering from health setbacks like depression, among other things. Its fair to say I was dealing with an all-out smashed vase. Im hoping youre not, but if you are weve got this.

Perhaps, though, youd like to start a business, have fulfilling relationships with a partner and your friends or simply approach your day with excitement versus dread. Regardless, the steps outlined in this book will help you find your way no matter what your its over moment was.

Because it doesnt matter what the chapter was how good or bad it felt youre starting a new chapter now and thats to be celebrated. I can only liken the journey were about to embark on together to a practice in Japanese art called Kintsugi. Its where an artist uses golden glue to reassemble a vase. The result a work that celebrates a life truly lived. One that acknowledges how our cracks and chips inspire us to grow and challenge ourselves in new ways.

So, in case youre wondering, the information in this book didnt just channel its way into my head as I slept. In the early days, before I formally retrained, it came from reading every book I could lay my hands on, watching every TED Talk on self-development I could find (Im talking hundreds) and finally taking up all the things Id been told were good for me but had always been too scared (or lazy) to try simple things like setting boundaries, practising yoga and meditation, and making daily green juice.

And guess what?

These things made a big difference.

So, fuelled by a desire to feel better more often, improve my overall wellbeing and sustain high performance, over a few years I became a self-experimenter and tried hundreds of different things to see what worked (and what didnt) to improve my wellbeing and to heal my body, mind a nd s pirit.