Seth Andrews - Sacred Cows: A Lighthearted Look at Belief and Tradition Around the World

Authors, artists and producers are familiar with the sine wave of the creative process. Its a thrill ride of peaks and valleys which (at least for me) follows this progression:

STAGE 1: What a great idea!

STAGE 2: These first pieces are coming along nicely.

STAGE 3: Wow. This is a much bigger project than I realized.

STAGE 4: Meh.

STAGE 5: My cerebrum is a dry, rocky place. Inspiration is lost. I cant feel my legs.

STAGE 6: Merciful death, take me.

STAGE 7: Maybe Ill get lucky, and it wont suck.

STAGE 8: On the horizon...a white light.

STAGE 9: Finished!

STAGE 10: {conspicuous alcohol consumption}

Along the way, there have been key people who helped me, supported me, inspired me and kept me from careening off the tracks and into a retaining wall, and Id be remiss if I didnt take a moment to acknowledge them.

As his contribution has been so valuable, I must bow down and pay tribute to the tremendous talents of my illustrator for this book, Vincent Deporter, who has drawn for SpongeBob SquarePants, Scooby Doo, DC Comics, the Nickelodeon network and much more. I had been searching for an artist who could crawl into my skull and capture the fun, funny, interesting and occasionally irreverent illustrations Id envisioned. Vince took my meager ideas, packed them in his creative rocket ship and blasted into the stratosphere. As we neared the books completion, Id check in for Vinces latest updates, and each newly-uploaded image would make me smile (and occasionally laugh out loud). I have little doubt that the response of the reader will be much the same. The text may be the meat of Sacred Cows, but the artwork has added the spice. Thanks, Vincent, for allowing us to enjoy your amazing gift, and for helping this humble author realize a dream.

I must also thank Hilary Sadhoo for her friendship, for her invaluable help in the research for this book, and for standing among that small, select ilk of attorneys that isnt comprised of obnoxious douche-nozzles. At key points over the years, she has happily stepped in to do some rather unglamorous legwork on my behalf, and whether shes poring over papers or holding a camera in a winters snow, she displays an almost obscene amount of goodwill and good cheer. Thanks, Hilary, for your sharp eye and contagious enthusiasm.

As I hammered this book into submission, I also relied on others who were kind enough to lend their time and perspective when I had questions or needed another set of eyes: Tony Ortega, David Fitzgerald, Shelly Rau, James Underdown and Edward Tarte.

And finally, my wife Natalie has spent many days and nights as both a bemused spectator and strong supporter of my endeavors. Its not uncommon for me to be up to my neck in a book chapter, preparation for the next radio show or some ambitious video production, and she (usually) patiently understands that just ten more minutes means that Im terrified of breaking a creative rhythm and might not actually emerge until the next full moon. She has been my sounding board, my test audience, my motivational coach and the great equalizer. Balance is often difficult for producers, and Natalie has been there as a reminder that life exists outside of the deadlines, that a real sunset is much more satisfying than a Windows screensaver, and that all work and no play makes Seth a dull boy. Yeah, she thinks Im insane, but she loves me anyway, and that makes me a very lucky guy.

by Brian Dalton

There are very few things or people I hate more than Seth Andrews. I hate unnecessarily difficult packaging, stubbing my infant toe on the corner of the bed in the middle of the night, an adult using the word gross on national television as though he were thirteen, and people who hog the passing lane without regret. After that, the list is very short: Seth, Seth, and more Seth.

Those who know him well tell me there is even more to hate. But I do not walk in those circles. My hatred is nurtured from afar, where I find myself compelled to watch his videos and listen to his podcasts.

Is it blind jealousy? Perhaps. But most annoying of all is his ability to interrupt my sleep as I obsess over the intrinsic unfairness of the universe and try to figure out where the Hell Seth finds the time to do everything he does.

First, lets talk about those pipes. How unfair is it that Seth is gifted with a voice that makes James Earl Jones -not to be confused with James Earl Ray- feel bad about himself (and not just for his ill-advised association with CNN)? Seth speaks in round, smooth, booming tones. By comparison, I fear that I sound like the squeaks of a distressed dolphin. This loathing of Seth and his lullaby larynx is deepened every time a telemarketer calls me maam.

Then there are the fantastic videos he creates as a professional producer and YouTube host (videos which, again, often feature that voice). Being in the biz myself, I am genuinely in awe of these productions. Where does he find the inspiration, the insight, the time? Has Seth somehow managed to secretly clone himself? Did he win the lottery, enabling him to afford an army of video editors and animators? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

One of my favorite insights in Seths videos came from his piece, The Story of Creation, which pondered the question of why God created humankind to be completely naked. Obviously, theres the awkwardness of the whole thing, made even more uncomfortable (and impractical) by having ones private bits exposed so publicly to sharp edges and harsh climates. With his satirical eye toward the Garden of Eden, Seth managed to key in on the fact that virtually everything in Adams world would be a source of abrasion, and a serious hazard for his bared bologna. The whole scenario does make one wonder if God really sat back and thought things through. This is a frequent theme he and I both enjoy skewering the obvious and ever-present lack of intelligence in this supposedly intelligent design.

Of course, my sleep is further hindered by his wonderful radio podcast, as I am again forced to ask, Are there hours in the day that I just dont know about? Hes got that super cool opening with the four horsemen that makes him sound totally legit. He has great guests. Great questions. Hell, he even has sponsorship! What the heck is this guy doing that Im not? Its infuriating!!!