Ben Applebaum - The Bar Hopper Handbook: Scam a Drink, Score a Date, and Rule the Night

A night out
is a terrible
thing to waste.

Text copyright 2014 by Ben Applebaum and Dan DiSorbo.
Illustrations copyright 2014 by Dan DiSorbo.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in
any form without written permission from the publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-4521-2999-0 (epub, mobi)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN: 978-1-4521-1886-4 (hc)

Designed by Liam Flanagan

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com

DONT BE STUPID

Bar Hoppers are fun and social peeps who always party responsibly and in moderation. While bar hopping oftentimes involves drinking alcohol, we do not in any way approve of underage, irresponsible, or excessive alcohol consumptionit is extremely dangerous and no one should do that. Period.

The material contained in this book is presented only for informational and amusement purposes. The publisher and authors do not condone or advocate in any way the use of prohibited substances, underage drinking, or consumption of large quantities of alcohol, and we accept no liability for the consequences of unlawful drinking, overindulgence, or illegal activity of any kind.

So when you bar hop, know your limits, never drink and drive, and never let your friends drink and drive. Use a designated driver system like a smart person, rent a limo like a baller, call a cab like a city slicker, take public transportation like a cheapo, walk like an Egyptian, or sleep it off like a bum; just dont get behind the wheel.

Please hop happily and responsibly!

There are those who go out to a bar.

And then there are those who go all out.

There are those who become regulars.

And then there are those who become legends.

There are those who enjoy a quiet night in.

And then there are those who dont like any word in that last sentence.

Clearly the latter are more fun, more infamous, and more likely to raise roofs with the greatest of ease. So who are they? What makes them tick? And how do you become one? The answers rest in your hands at this very minute. These consummate party people are Bar Hoppers, and this book is their bible. Well, its at least their secular-drinking bible. This book may be small in size but its big in informationthe skills, tips, and tricks (literally) that help make any Bar Hopper the master of his domain. And that domain is the bar.

Hoppers are a diverse collective of bar-going, charismaladen individuals, but they all share similar attributes:

m ALWAYS UP FOR A GOOD TIME They are ready at the drop of a hat or the text of a phone to go out and get down.

m NEVER BORED AND NEVER BORING They are able to entertain themselves and others effortlessly. If the scene gets old, they know when to bounce to the next hot spot.

m ABLE TO PLAY THE SYSTEM To paraphrase the sage rapper Rick Ross, every day I strive to be hustlin... hustlin. Bar Hoppers dont play by the rulesthey bend them in their favor and often in the direction of their wallets.

m EFFORTLESSLY COOL They know their way around any bar and any crowd. They can be the life of the party without ever breaking a sweat.

But dont let their coolness fool you. Bar Hoppers are not born; they are made. With this volume in your hands, you too can become a pro of the pub, a boss of the bar, and the biggest hole of the watering hole.

Ready? Time to get hopping.

From there to here,
from here to there,
funny things are everywhere!

DR. SEUSS

To truly appreciate the art of bar hopping, first you need to appreciate the science behind it. This chapter provides a crash course of hopping knowledge. It will give you a sense of why you should do it, where you should do it, and who you should do it with. It offers you everything you need to know about building the foundation as an all-pro Hopper. (Everything, except the address for the next hot spot.)

At its most basic and awesome level, bar hopping is drinking at multiple bars in one night. Not impressed? While it might not sound epic on paper, the opportunities that multiple locations offer are great and vast. Think of it like an orgasm: One is fun, but multiples are mind-blowing.

Now that you know what hopping is, its time we further explore why its so important.

m REFRESHED SURROUNDINGS You cant be bored with so much newness going around. The same old same old will lead to the same old. The Bar Hopper, however, experiences many more new faces, new places, and other new things that rhyme with aces.

m PRIME FOR HUSTLING Partying with new people is not just about new scenery. Its about new targets for your scams, schemes, and tricks. You can go pro by trying out all of your old cons. See ) for more ideas.

m FREEDOM TO FLIRT The old saw warns you not to shit where you eat. But what about hitting on hotties where you regularly drink? That can be problematic too. Bar Hoppers know this, which is why they take many swings at the platemore chances to score.

m BETTER CROWDS TO WORK Bar hopping offers you a chance to make grand entrances and exits. Compared to being stuck in a corner half the night working up the courage to get on the dance floor, hopping is like kicking open the door, grabbing life by the you-know-whats, and rocking out with your inhibitions dismissed. When youre moving on soon, theres no reason to hold back.

m TASTING TOUR DE FORCE Though your stomach and head may beg to differ, bar hopping is perfect for sampling all the many tastes of these various places. Signature drinks, house specials, famous shots poured from a midget on the barall of it rocks.

m BETTER MEMORIES Its hard to paint the town red from one bar all nighteven harder when youre staying in, watching a cop show, and drinking hot cocoa. You need to get out, get together, and get your freak on to make stories that last a lifetime. At least the photo evidence will last a lifetime; the memories might be a bit blurry.