Elisabeth Henderson - 100 Questions Youd Never Ask Your Parents: Straight Answers to Teens Questions About Sex, Sexuality, and Health

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For Cole and Evan, in case they never ask

Contents

Foreword

100 Questions originated with teens.

During my years as a middle school teacher, one of my responsibilities was teaching sex education classes. Some of the 100 questions in this book were asked during those classes, while many of them were asked after class. I heard, Ms. H., may I ask you something after school? more than once. What was both consistent and obvious about each of these Q&A sessions was that teens wanted factually based, nonjudgmental answers to their important questions. Often, however, they were too embarrassed to ask in front of their peers, or of their family.

Teens were asking, though. Over the years, whether it was my students, children of friends, or even younger family members, all of these questions originated directly from teens. I am very proud that collectively, they inspired this book and are its original authors. Without the brave teens who asked the hard or embarrassing questions, there would be no 100 Questions .

I tell parents all the time that if they have a child 11 years or older, their child is asking questions. Its just a matter of who theyre asking and how reliable the answers are. As a mother, I want to ensure that kids are empowered with knowledge that will help them make safe, informed, educated decisions about the life experiences they inevitably grow into.

Dr. Nancy and I have been overwhelmed with the response to the original 100 Questions . We couldnt have predicted the incredibly positive feedback from teens, parents trying to figure out how to talk about these subjects with their children, and health workers looking for a resource that is written in a real voice.

Id like to thank all the tweens and teens who asked me these questions and made this book possible.

Note

I am happy with every part of this book except one. I struggled with word choice when referring to girls. I couldnt say guys and ladies, it is too formal, and guys and chicks was too demeaning. There just isnt a good counterpart to guys. Girls seems to go better with boys and sounds too young when writing about pregnancy or intercourse. Thus, my disclaimer: Ive settled on using guys and girls, but if you can think of a better wording, I welcome and appreciate your suggestions. Until then, please know that when I write girls, I am referring to tween and teen young women of pre-pubescent age or above.

What does an orgasm feel like?

Youve asked one of the most common questions teens have, so be assured youre not alone in wondering.

An orgasm is the emotional and physical sensations that are felt at the end of sexual arousal when built-up muscle tension in the body is released. Put simply, it is the climax of the sensations that have been brought about by sexual excitement. Having an orgasm is also sometimes called cumming.

If you ask ten people what an orgasm feels like, you might get ten different answers because orgasms are unique to each person. For some people, an orgasm involves the whole bodythe heart races, the person may vocalize sounds or words, the muscles throughout the body may twitch, breathing can be heavy, and the person may feel flushed. For others, the feeling is more concentrated and remains in the areas of the vagina or penis. Although an orgasm will feel different to each person, it is a pleasurable feeling and often associated with euphoria and excitement. It has been described as feeling like a very strong tingling, pleasant and pulsating muscle contractions, or a warm throbbing.

When I have sex the first time, will people be able to tell?

No. Although you may feel like everybody knows, they likely wont. You wont look any different, and there will be no outward physical signs that youve had sex. You may, however, feel differently because having sex for the first time is such a big decision, both emotionally and physically. Unless you act differently, however, it is unlikely that anybody will know.

Can a girl get pregnant even if she doesnt orgasm?

Absolutely. A girl can get pregnant whether or not she has an orgasm. That a girl can avoid getting pregnant by not having an orgasm is one of the biggest myths among teens. An orgasm, or lack of one, does not affect whether or not a girl can become pregnant.

What does affect a girls ability to get pregnant is whether or not she is ovulating. Once a month a girl ovulates, which means her body releases an egg. If the egg is fertilized with a guys sperm, it may eventually develop into a baby. The timing of the release of the egg (ovulation) is based upon the girls menstrual cycle, or period.

Remember, lack of an orgasm has no effect on whether or not an egg is released. So, yes, a girl can get pregnant even if she doesnt orgasm.

What is a wet dream?

A wet dream is an erotic dream that ends in orgasm and ejaculation. Wet dreams occur most frequently during a guys teen and early adult years and are completely involuntary. Some guys wake up as they are ejaculating while others sleep right through it. Wet dreams are common and are no cause for concern; many guys experience them as they go through puberty.

Girls also experience wet dreams, though the percentage of girls who do is lower than the percentage of guys who do. Of the girls who do have wet dreams, many tend to have them less frequently than guys. A girl who has a wet dream will wake up feeling like she just experienced an orgasm, or may wake up in the middle of the orgasm, and will likely have increased wetness or vaginal secretions.

Some guys, and even more girls, never experience wet dreams. Whether you do or dont, wet dreams are a normal part of growing up.

How old do I have to be to buy condoms?

There is no age restriction on buying condoms; a person of any age can buy them. Condoms can be purchased at most grocery stores, drugstores, and convenience stores. A pharmacist can discreetly answer any questions you have about them.

At what age do people usually start having sex?

The answer might be higher than you think. The average age that U.S. teens start having sex is 17, with the majority of high school students not having sex at all (53%).

The age that most teens start having sex and the age that someone is ready to start having sex can be two very different things. Only you can determine the right time for you, and its an important decision. Question 30 (How will I know when Im ready to have sex?) may help you decide when it is the right time for you.

Am I still a virgin if I use a tampon?

Yes. A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. Until you do, youre a virgin; using a tampon doesnt change that.

Why does this question get asked so often? Virgin girls often have an intact hymen, which is a very thin and flexible membrane that stretches across the opening of the vagina, partially covering it. Some people mistakenly think that a girl loses her virginity if her hymen breaks. Very occasionally, tampon use can break a girls hymen. (Masturbation, sports, horseback riding, and other physical activities can also break the hymen.) Using a tampon, even if it were to break the hymen, does not mean a girl isnt a virgin. The only way for a girl to lose her virginity is to have sex.