Bobbie Reid - Clueless: Real Solutions for Men Who Dont Get it and the Women Who Love Them

Clueless

Copyright 2005 by Bobbie Reid

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, including electronic, mechanical or any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher.

Requests for permission should be addressed to:

New Horizon Press

P.O. Box 669

Far Hills, NJ 07931

Bobbie Reid

Clueless: Real Solutions for Men Who Dont Get Itand the Women Who Love Them

Cover Design: Norma Rahn

Interior Design: Susan M. Sanderson

Library of Congress Control Number: 2005924249

ISBN-13 (eBook): 978-0-88282-471-0

New Horizon Press

2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 / 5 4 3 2 1

Dedication

I have always been a writer, a storyteller. As a child I would sit on the grass near the curb of houses that piqued my interest. My little brother Tom and neighborhood pals often joined me as I stared at the object made of brick and wood that fed my imagination. I would tell my Little Rascals-type audience stories about the houses. Frequently the stories were designed to frighten; sometimes the tales were filled with melancholy. No matter the path I chose, I knew I was good at this storytelling thing, for my listeners responded with fearful intakes of breath or sad sighs. If I told the story in serial fashion, they always came back for more, a good sign.

I dedicate this, my first published book, to those who believed in me and encouraged me the most.

To my mother, Emeline Petsche ReidI call her my first publisher. I wrote my first book, Trials of the Middle Child, at age nine. She bought the book in exchange for new dresses, shoes and hats. Although she told me it was good and that I should keep writing, I never saw it again.

To my father, James Reidat age ten, I wrote, edited and published The Lightening Gazette, a classroom newsletter. He read what I wrote and helped me turn the crank on the old mimeograph machine he bought for me from his company.

To my husband, Steven M. De Lucchihe made the time for writing possible. He pushed. He reminded. He encouraged. He left me no excuses for procrastination. We share a Pisces birthday (same day, same year), a St. Patricks Day wedding anniversary and a love of the written word. He is my best friend, my confidant and my love. And when folks ask if he gave me a story for the book, he answers, A story? Im an entire chapter!

Acknowledgements

Few things in life are ever done without the help or encouragement of others. I can look back and realize that family, friends and writing cohorts were all put in my path to assist me in my quest as a writer. I acknowledge their influence and that I am in their debt.

Thank you to my children David, Margie, Joy, Danielle, Mikey and Ashleigh too. Each of you listened to my hopes and rants. None of you ever doubted.

I wish to acknowledge the mentorship and awesome influence of those who gave me the opportunity to see my written words published: Kate Rice, Homer Brickey, Dennis Evanosky, Linnea Jessup, Tim Hunt, Dr. Joan Dunphy and the good folks at New Horizon Press.

I am grateful to my friends and family members who gave me the idea for the book, said you ought to write a book, asked for advice over the years and encouraged me to keep writing: Mary-Mom, Judie Reid Aubry, Tina De Lucchi, Lois Petsche Hampton, Wendy Meyer, Tom & Sandy Reid, Clarice Lovey Blum, Rita Knabe, Janet & Chuck Eichberg, Carol Ray Bersticker, Randy Hunter Main, Chanette Duplessis, Stephen & Mirna Bowman, Jamie Bruce, Judy & Bill Blunt and Margie Bonder.

My eternal gratitude also extends to the good men and honest women who told me their stories, so I could tell them to you.

Contents

You see, but you do not observe. Sherlock Holmes

The idea for Clueless started as so many things do: a group of friends, men and women, chatting about a favorite topicthe man/woman mystery. The group talked about past and present relationshipswhat worked and what didnt.

The consensus was that if a man knew just a few simple things that a woman wanted and needed, and he did those things, he would have the complete and total appreciation of the woman in his life. If a man were still looking for love, putting into practice the Real Solutions for Men in this book would enhance his search. Even when women know what they want, they do not always know how to tell their partners their desires. The Real Solutions for Women offer communication tips.

What qualifies me to give advice? My first advice column, in the early 1980s, appeared in a weekly womens newspaper. Since then, Ive been a newspaper columnist, freelance writer and natural advice-giver for most of my adult life. My first column written for the Suburban Press led to feature stories as a freelancer in the Toledo Blade. Presently, I write columns for ANG Newspapers and Hills Newspaper Group. The columns run in eleven newspapers, most notably The Oakland Tribune and The Berkeley Voice.

In 2004, I launched a new advice column on the Internet, CluelessQueries.comWhen you cant ask your mom, sister or best friendQuery Bobbie. (Look for CluelessQueries as a syndicated column coming to a local newspaper near you.)

In addition, I am a daughter, sister, cousin, wife, daughter-in-law, mother, stepmother, grandmother (Ahma), girlfriend, guys friend and people-lover. Friends, co-workers and family members often turn to me for advice. I have survived many crises. Experience is a great teacher.

In fact, when my eighty-seven-year-old dad became a widower, he asked me for dating advice, so he would not be clueless in rejoining the dating scene. During this period, he met a lovely widow and enjoyed a long distance love connection.

For years, I have researched this subject through personal interviews and the Internet. Clueless is filled with stories about some men behaving in totally oblivious manners and some women knowing that what they want isnt what they have. There are also stories about men and women who have clued in and figured out the man/woman thing. Some of these tales came from women and some are from men. Once you get the clueless picture, helpful ideas, tips and insights on how to become a totally appreciated man or a fulfilled woman will follow.

Surprisingly, I often heard stories that were very similar. Only the names, places and a few minor details were different. Many times, even the turn of a phrase was the same. Since I had multiple stories with the same theme and similar details, I have created composites.

I interviewed people in America from Alaska to California to New York. Some interviewees were from as far away as Europe and Australia. I gathered stories by phone, e-mail and one-on-one. The storytellers were folks of varied ages, economic status and ethnicity.

Man bashing is not the intent of the book, as you will see by the number of stories with great guy tones. Remember, the key words in the book subtitle are real and solutions.

I think men are awesome. I have the best father and brother ever. I adore my son and stepson. I have two sons-in-law that I hold in high regard and thank for making my daughters happy. My husband is irreplaceable. He is my best friend and my biggest fan. Therefore, I am not saying all men are clueless all the time. Rather, all men are clueless sometimes and some men are clueless all the time.