Justin Baldoni - Boys Will Be Human: A Get-Real Gut-Check Guide to Becoming the Strongest, Kindest, Bravest Person You Can Be

For Maxwell and Maiya, may you grow up in a world where boys are allowed to feel and be safe spaces not just for others, but for themselves; and where girls dont need protecting because they are not seen as objects but as people. And may you always remember that the strongest muscle in your body is your heart, that you are worthy and lovedand that you are and have always been enough.

Contents

HEADS UP! At times this book covers some mature topics. If youre younger than eleven, please make sure your parents or guardians are okay with you reading it. If you are eleven or older, just know that there could be some content you arent quite ready to read or think about yetthats okay! Its totally fine to skip sections or chapters and come back to them when youre ready. And if you are an adult reading this book to see if its suitable for your child, be open: you may get just as much out of it as they will!

Hey! Im Justin. Nice to meet you, my friend. Okay, well, obviously were not really meeting, and we arent really friends yet, but since youve chosen to pick up this book, I do hope it will feel like we are.

Since the most important thing in any friendship is trust, I should tell you a few things about myself. Trust is what every great and healthy relationship is built on, kind of like the foundation of a house. And the first step in building that foundation, that sense of trust, is sharing our stories and getting real with each other.

So, here is a little about me to get us started:

1. Im an actor, probably best known for being on a TV show called Jane the Virgin. Im a director (Five Feet Apart and Clouds are two of the movies Ive made) and I started a movie studio called Wayfarer Studios, where we aspire to make movies and TV that help us remember that we are human and that we are all far more alike than we are different. I also do a bunch of other things for work, and Id like to think I am way more than my career accomplishments (even though thats what the world places the most value on).
2. I LOVE food. Honestly, if I wasnt an actor or director, I think I would want to be a chef. What I love even more than making food is eating it! Pizza, pasta, sushi, BBQ, tacos... you name it. And my favorite part about any food is the sauce that goes on that food. Im obsessed with sauces. I think my restaurant would probably be called Sauce.
3. I also love sports (I was a soccer player growing up), traveling, reading, working out, and biohacking (you probably have no idea what that is, but thats okay; you wont need to for another twenty years).
4. Im a dad to my two incredible and wild kids, Maiya and Maxwell, and a husband to my amazing wife Emily, who I am madly in love with. I would do anything for them. They are my everything.
5. I wrote this book for boys and anyone who loves them, but dont worry, this is not a boy hating, we must apologize for being born type of book. In fact, its the opposite! Its a boy loving, we have the power to change the world book. However, if I say something that you dont really agree with, I ask you to keep reading, because I believe with all my heart that when we dont agree, we can still learn from each other. Thats actually how we find the truththrough listening to differing opinions and points of view.
6. Im Bah (thats my faith), but this is not a Bah book by any means, and I dont speak for the Bah community. If youve never heard of it, thats okay. You arent alone. Basically, in a nutshell Bahs believe in the unity of all religions, like all the religions are different chapters in one book. The Bah faith teaches that every human on the planet is important, and that part of our mission here on earth is to set our differences aside and realize that we are all one human family. My faith has always been a lighthouse in the darkness for me, guiding me and helping me remember that each of us can change the world through acts of service, love, and compassion. Youll hear me talk about my faith here and there throughout the book because it has shaped my view of the world and inspired me in my work, but please know that whatever your beliefs are, I respect them even though they might be different from mine.

Okay! Now that we have gotten the get-to-know-me part out of the way, you may have noticed one of the things I didnt list was being an author. Thats because Im still getting used to it. See, when I was growing up, I never thought I was smart enough or good enough to become a writer, and books were kind of intimidating to me. They reminded me of school, and school was not always my happy place. But I am going to own it now because you are reading this book, which means I did it! I am an author. Author. (Im saying it with a fake British accent right now, and it sounds even better.)

Now that you know a little more about me, Im going to confess somethingthis book isnt really about me... its about you and what it might be like to be you, right now, this very minute.

WAIT, THIS BOOK IS ABOUT ME?

Yep. Well, us, actually. Boys. Men. Male humans. You get the picture.

More important, this book is about our questions. The big ones we think about but never say out loud. The ones about becoming and eventually being a man. The ones that can help us not just grow up to be better men, but better humans. Its also about what it means to be enough in every sense of the word.

This book raises questions about masculinity and looks closely at how the answers to these questions shape who we are. Some of the questions are about our bodies; some are about our minds. Some questions are about things that make us uncomfortable or afraid (yes, men can absolutely be afraid). Some of them are about things that will not only make us stronger but happier, too. All of them are about things that make us human.

As for the answers to these questions, well... honestly, Im still trying to figure them out. In fact, this all started as an adult book called Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity, which is based on a TED Talk I did and has also become a podcast. I wrote it as a way to understand how I feel about manhood and the challenges Ive faced trying to live up to other peoples expectations of me. See, I love being a man, but that doesnt mean I know exactly how to become the kind of man I want to be, or that I dont question how the world tells me I should act as a man. Also, even though Im now in my thirties, my thoughts and opinions about the world and myself change every day. Thats why I wrote this book: not as your teacher or an expert on the subject, but as a friend, a fellow student, and as a work in progress, which is what every single human being on this planet is.

No one is perfect. No one has it all figured out (even though social media can make it seem like some do). But all of us are doing our best. So, this is me doing my best to share what Ive learned on my own journey in hopes that if youre feeling anything like I did growing upconfused, worried, anxious, like I didnt measure up, even a little afraidthen maybe you can see yourself in these words and remember that you arent the only one feeling that way. If anything, I want this book to feel like a trusted friend to you whenever you need a reminder that you are good, worthy, and more than enough.

HOLD ON, JUSTIN.... WHAT IS MASCULINITY?

There are a lot of misconceptions about what masculinity is. Lately in the news or media it seems to be talked about as a bad thing, which its not. Masculinity is basically the traits, characteristics, and qualities that men or boys have, or are believed or assumed to have. Also, I just want to say that I believe that boys and men are good: inherently, intrinsically good. That YOU are good. And there are tons of aspects of the traditional definition of masculinity that Im grateful for and agree with! Im 100 percent not ashamed to say I love being a man. There are so many positive traits and qualities that have been associated with masculinity and being a man that I aspire to embody and live bytraits like being resourceful and accountable, honest and trustworthy, hardworking, loyal, and a present father and husband. But the question then becomesare these qualities reserved just for boys, or are they for everyone?