Tiggy Upland - Advice from a Wild Deuce

Copyright 2016 by TiggyUpland

All rights reserved. This book orany portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any mannerwhatsoever without the express written permission of the publisherexcept for the use of brief quotations in a book review orscholarly journal.

www.TiggyUpland.com

Dedicated to all my fellowDeuces. Stay wild.

Introduction

Oh, hello. Im Tiggy Upland.

I have the unique honor of writing an advice columnfor and about bisexuals. Can you imagine? Just try. No,youve undersestimated the pure beatitude of it all. Its so muchbetter than that.

Ask Tiggy lived happily on the BisexualResource Centers website for many years and has since purchasedits own charming bungalow at www.TiggyUpland.com .Every day, I receive letters from bisexuals, friends and foes ofbis, families and partners of bis, would-be bis, has-been bis, andthose who just want to reach out and touch some bi.

Its nothing short of a privilege for me to providenavigation with a birds eye view to fearless bisexuals pilotingtheir own lives. Whether a letter reveals a completely unexpectedscenario, or speaks of an age-old emotional thoroughfare that manybisexuals have traversed before, each gives me an opportunity tocinch our community closer through shared history and culture todetermine a proper course of action for ultimate happiness.

I now present to you the best of my advice columnfrom its initial 4 years. It offers first-person accounts ofbisexuals leading lives far more interesting than my own, so ifyoure inclined to turn the page, youre in for a treat.Interspersed throughout are boxes of pithy observations to whichyoull no doubt relate if you are a bisexual. They are from myyear-long project entitled You Might Be a Bisexual, which you canstill find on Tumblr and Twitter. Also, whenever you see anasterisk (this: *), that means you can find more information in thesection at the end titled Resources.

I hope you find this book useful, touching,entertaining, or dare I say all three. I have to admit, I got alittle tingle right when you picked it up, so I dont think eitherof us will be disappointed.

As I say to those who write in to the column: Muchbi love to you, my Wild Deuce. Keep reading.

As you perusethis concentration of bold bisexual counsel, you might come acrossunfamiliar words. Please refer to this glossary for an explanationon the particularly queer expressions in this book.

- B.I. : Stands for BiInclusive. Refers to the bi(sexual) identity housing other middlesexualties under the its umbrella. This includes, but is notlimited to:

- Fluid: a bisexual whose attraction isever-changing

- Heteroflexible: a bisexual whose attractionleans toward the opposite gender

- Homoflexible: a bisexual whose attractionleans toward the same gender

- Omnisexual: a bisexual for whom gender is aconsideration in attraction

- Pansexual: a bisexual for whom gender isnot a consideration in attraction (i.e. a genderblind bisexual)

- Pomosexual: sexually postmodern; a bisexualbeyond the categorization of sexual orientation (considered a moreacademic label)

- Queer: non-specific LGBT (considered a moreradical label)

- Bisexual Flag : Created in1998, the top pink stripe represents homosexuality, the bottom bluestripe represents heterosexuality, and the purple stripe in themiddle is the combination of both.

- Butch : A gender identityamong LGBT people to that acknowledges masculinity through itsassociated traits, behaviors, styles, self-perception, etc.Typically ascribed to women.

- Cis : (short forcisgender) People whose gender assigned at birth matches theirbody and personal identity.

- Femme : A gender identityamong LGBT people to that acknowledges femininity through itsassociated traits, behaviors, styles, self-perception, etc.Typically ascribed to women.

- GSA : Gay-StraightAlliance or Gender and Sexuality Alliance. Support and socialgroups for LGBT people, typically found in high schools andcolleges.

- Hetero-, Homo-, orBiromantic : Indicates ones interest in romantic but notnecessarily sexual relationships with the same/opposite/manysex(es)

- Intersectionality: Aconcept describing the ways in which oppressive institutions(racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, xenophobia,classism, etc.) are interconnected and cannot be examinedseparately from one another. [Credit: Geek Feminism Wiki]

- LGBTTTQQIAA: Lesbian,Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Two-Spirit, Queer,Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, and Ally

- Middle Sexualities :Sexual identities between straight and gay.

- Poly : (short forpolyamorous) The practice, state or ability of having more than.one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full.knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

- Synergy: The interactionof two or more elements that creates more than the sum of itsparts.

- They/their: Gender-neutral pronouns; e.g. I asked Jim if they wanted to go,but they declined. (In this example, they refers to Jim.)

- Ze/zir : Gender-neutralpronouns; e.g. I gave it to zir and ze happily accepted.

Chapter 1: Bi Basics

I regularly receive certain basic questions whoseanswers lay the foundation for sorting out bisexual identity andcommon (mis)understanding: Can you tell me if these symptomsindicate whether I am bisexual? Is this a phase, as my friendsattest? How does one successfully grapple with biphobia?

Consider the following ten exchanges a Decalogue forlife as a Wild Deuce.

Dear Tiggy,

Im a sixteen-year-old girl and Im at a veryconfusing part in my life. As a kid, I identified as straightbecause I didnt know there was any other option. I had my firstreal crush when I entered ninth grade, and it was on a girl. Ireally wanted her to be my girlfriend. I was really confused, but Imade myself get over her. I see girls and check them out. Theresso many of them at my school, its like constant bombardment. Everycrush I get is on a girl. I do think guys can be cute, though.Theres this one boy that I want as a boyfriend.

Thinking about sex with a guy sounds painful to me,but Ive never tried it. Im also curious as to what sex with agirl would feel like. Girls really turn me on. One of my friendscame out as lesbian to me and I felt like I should have come out toher, but I have no idea what I am. I have never kissed or been withanyone before. I want to come out. Should I come out as bi?

Booklover

I want you to think of your sexuality label as afavorite shirt.

Do you have one favorite shirt for your whole life?Probably not maybe you grow out of it, maybe you move to adifferent climate and its not warm enough anymore, maybe styleschange and argyle suddenly seems pass. But its just a shirt, nota suitcase of diamonds that youve handcuffed yourself to. Whenits not working for you anymore, you get a new one.

The two most important things about this shirt arethat you like it and it fits. Only you can decide those things; noone else has to wear your shirt, so they cant judge whether itsbunching up in the armpits or if the color kind of washes you out.Tiggy the Saleslady can offer you some suggestions but rememberthat its always in your hands. Dont let some fool put a shirt onyou. And hey, dont overthink it. Worst case scenario: you get acase of buyers remorse, so you get a new shirt. No biggie.

Lemme take a look at youId say youre probably asize Q for Questioning. We dont really know until you try iton, though. You dont have to wear it in front of anyone rightaway, or ever. Take plenty of time to look in the mirror and decidehow it feels. People usually determine the comfort based on whetherit jibes with their crushes, their fantasies, their romantichistory, their politics, their culture, and their view ofthemselves. You call the shots on how important each one of thosethings is. Finding the right fit is an art, not a science.