Gordon Dalbey - Healing the Masculine Soul: Gods Restoration of Men to Real Manhood

HEALING THE
MASCULINE SOUL

How God Restores Men to Real Manhood

GORDON DALBEY

HEALING THE MASCULINE SOUL

1988, 2003 by Gordon Dalbey.

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Good News Bible: The Bible in Todays English Version, 1976 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Other Scripture references are from the following sources:

The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

The New English Bible (NEB), the Delegates of Oxford University Press and the Syndics of the Cambridge University Press, 1961, 1970. Reprinted by permission.

The Living Bible (TLB), 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Ill. Used by permission.

The Message (The Message), 1993. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

The Revised Standard Version of the Bible (RSV), 1946, 1952, 1971, 1973 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. and used by permission.

Every effort has been made to trace the ownership of copyrighted material used in this book and to secure permission for its use. Should there be any inadvertent error or omission, the publishers will be pleased to make the necessary corrections in future printings.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Dalbey, Gordon, 1944

Healing the masculine soul.

p. cm.

bibliography:

ISBN 978-0-8499-4438-3 (tp)

1. MenPsychology. 2. Masculinity (Psychology). 3. Sex role. 4. MenReligious life. I. Title.

BF692.5.D35 1988

55.6 32 8817679

Printed in the United States of America
08 09 10 11 12 QW 18 17 16 15 14

This book is dedicated to my father, who taught me by example to value integrity, to search beyond appearances after truth, to appreciate life as a gift from God, and, therefore, to find its meaning in serving others.

CONTENTS

PREFACE TO
THE REVISED EDITION

This book is like admiring a 1957 Chevrolet Caprice in 1957 one recognizes that the car has nice lines, but can one recognize that it might well become a classic?

E arly in the winter of 1989, soon after Healing the Masculine Soul first appeared, one Christian magazine offered the above review.

Forty-four years old at the time, I had no idea then of the books future, but I treasured a deep sense of its past.

How long did it take you to write it? many asked.

Forty-four years, I replied.

This book grew out of one mans desperation to escape the self-defeating contest between the worlds macho domination from the past and its politically correct passivity that was fast claiming the future.

I found help in unexpected places. A 1983 newspaper interview with Robert Bly, whose best-selling Iron John would later establish him as the godfather of the secular mens movement, stunned me with truths I had never before heard in church. Later, Leanne Paynes insightful Christian perspective on mens issues in her 1986 book Crisis in Masculinity gave me hope that Christian women were ready to recognize mens wounds.

Here were exciting explorations on the frontiers of masculinity by a secular man and a Christian woman. Was there no Christian man to pioneer the journey?

Of such stirrings, Healing the Masculine Soul was conceived.

When Word Publishing first considered the manuscript in 1987, the unique needs of men had not yet appeared on the churchs radar screen. Intrigued, the editors flew me to Dallas to explain why I thought men would read such a book.

This is really my personal story, I confessed, but it sounds like all the men I know.

Gamely,Word published the book, and largely by word of mouth, it soon spread around the country. Its just truth, truth, and more truth, as one man wrote me.

I was encouraged when Shirley Dobson discovered the book and talked to her husband about it. My consequent Focus on the Family interviews with Dr. James Dobson in 1991 drew a volume of listener response in the top 10 percent of the shows history. The call for healing in men was clearly ahead of its time. Those same interviews were rebroadcast in 1998 virtually unchanged, and yet again in 2003.

Before long, a variety of Christian leaders had indeed discovered and owned the need for mens healing. In his 1992 autobiography, I Almost Missed the Sunset, Bill Gaitherwhose annual Indianapolis Praise Gatherings have included workshops with scores of authors over the yearsmentioned only one book other than the Bible: One book that has had a tremendous impact on me is Healing the Masculine Soul.

Among non-Christian men, the book has drawn praise, though often confused. As one radio host in San Francisco puzzled, Your writing has some great truth for men.Why do you need all the talk about Jesus? If you took that part out, you could sell a lot more. But, of course, without Jesus, I could never have written the book.

As the response from men gathered momentum, the strong reaction among women surprised me.Many women who had been hurt by men and saw no recourse for their painwho had never seen a man own his wounds and take responsibility for his healingsaw my book as a lightning rod for their frustration. Some approached me at mixed events, brandishing the book like a club overhead and fuming, I keep telling my husband he needs to read this book! I joke that this is why we had to publish a paperback editionto protect the men from being struck with the hardcover!

Once, at a pre-conference dinner, a pastors wife sitting across the table from me suddenly burst out angrily, I want you to know that when I first read page 79 in your book, I threw it against the wall!

Choking on an errant noodle, I managed a professional smile. Uhpage 79?

Yes! she seethed, clanging her butter knife onto a plate and bringing the dinner-table conversations to an embarrassed standstill. And then, dropping her head in dismay, she murmured, I know what you said is true, but its so hard for me to accept it!