Scott Lindquist - The Essential Guide to Date Rape Prevention: How to Avoid Dangerous Situations, Overpowering Individuals and Date Rape

The

Essential Guide to

Date Rape Prevention

HOW TO AVOID DANGEROUS SITUATIONS, OVERPOWERING INDIVIDUALS AND DATE RAPE

Scott Lindquist

F.C.P.P., C.P.S., Florida Crime Prevention Practitioner and Crime Prevention Specialist

Copyright 1999, 2007 by Scott Lindquist

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This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

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Originally published in 1999. This is a revised edition.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Lindquist, Scott.

The essential guide to date rape prevention : how to avoid dangerous situations, overpowering individuals and date rape / Scott Lindquist. -- Rev. ed.

p. cm.

Rev. ed. of: The date rape prevention book. 2000.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4022-1972-6

ISBN-10: 1-4022-1972-5

1. Date rape--United States. 2. Date rape--United States--Prevention. I. Lindquist, Scott. Date rape prevention book. II. Title.

HV6561.L56 2007

613.6'63--dc22

2007026519

Printed and bound in the United States of America

VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

As long as we view rape as seduction, and at worstunwanted sex, we will never understand rape.

Andrea Rechtin

Dedicated to Rev. Sydney A.Magill-Lindquist

This book is dedicated to my wife Sydney.Her constant love and undying support for me and this work isa testament, not only to her faith in me, but also to her conviction that allwomen have the right to be safe and free from fear, intimidation,and control. I can only wish that all men might have the good fortuneand blessing of a partner who has always been in my corner,even when I wasnt.

Thank you to all those who have made this book possible.

Deborah Werksman, my editor, has been influential in guiding my hand tobe clear and simple in my communication. She has taught me the importanceof every word I write and reminded me that: Its the message, not themessenger, that is important. In this new work, I also want to thank Dr.Marshall Rosenberg, whose unending commitment to nonviolent communicationis transforming our speech from one of judgment to one of compassion.Last, I want to thank all the many thousands of women and men whohave taught me the realities of rape and dating communication. For allthose survivors of rape, this book is for you and the courage you found tokeep going and keep thriving. Your hope and faith in your ability to healand be whole again has kept me going when I felt like giving up.

God bless you all.

Contents

Introduction

Since this book came out in 2000, I have seen the landscape change in regard to acquaintance rape. In the past years, there has been a date rape backlash that concentrated on debunking the figures quoted in this book (that were taken from the Ms. Study by Mary Koss). The essence of the backlash was that some people questioned the figures because some of the victims of date rape did not identify themselves as rape victims, even though legally they had sex against their will or without their consent. In pointing out that these women didnt call themselves rape victims, the proponents of the date rape backlash have claimed that these incidents were nothing more than morning-after regrets.

If you have ever been raped, you know that you desperately dont want to admit that it happened, especially if its a date rape situation and if your rapist is popular. The humiliation and legal swamp that you have to tread to bring it to trial would make any woman stay in denial. If for arguments sake, however, we changed the situation to one of alcoholism, we realize that we have long accepted the fact that most alcoholics are in a constant state of denial about their drinking problem for years until they hit rock bottom. But denying youre an alcoholic doesnt make you sober, just as denying youve been raped doesnt make you any less of a rape victim. Certainly we have seen that most rapists deny that they committed rape. Does that make them innocent of the crime? No!

Violence is violence, regardless of who commits it or who believes it. Rape is rape, whether the rapist or the rape victim is in denial. Thats why we have a legal definition of rape, and thats why we have laws. We must continue to seek justice even when the criminal and the victim deny the crime because society demands that we do.

The reality is that to each and every woman, statistical figures dont really matter. Whether rape statistics indicate an increase or decrease in reported rapes, even one rape is too many, especially if it happens to you or to someone you love. We know that the vast majority of rape victims never report the crime. We hope they will, but even if they dont, we stand with them to protect them and to help them heal, even if they dont believe they were raped.

The question remains as to whether published figures for date rape are going up because these problems have become worse, or whether theyre going up because more women are reporting them. There are many books, articles, and studies on the epidemic of sexual assault in the United States, most of which are statistical and address the issues after the factafter the assault has taken place, after the violence has been committed. This book, though, is about prevention.

The challenge facing this book is how to reach women at all stages of life about the realities of sexual assault without scaring them into denial. The mere mention of the word rape causes many people so much discomfort that they want to either ignore the problem or to pretend it doesnt exist. It is for this reason that I have tried to simplify stories and other related crime prevention information from the most reliable and up-to-date sources into a concise guidebook for preventing sexual assault in all its forms, with the emphasis on date/acquaintance rape.

This book will explore a number of dangerous situations in which a woman might find herself being sexually assaulted. These situations include date/acquaintance rape, which is the main focus of this book, as well as stranger rape, sexual harassment, stalking, dating violence, and domestic violence. The book will touch on these areas, with the emphasis on prevention, and it will provide additional resources in the Resources section for those who wish a more in-depth discussion.