Hilda Hutcherson - What Your Mother Never Told You about Sex

Every woman should have a friend like Dr. Hilda Hutcherson

Dr. Hilda Hutcherson delivers the kind of frank, down-to-earth information about sex and sexuality that so many of us need and crave. [She tells you] everything you always wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask. With facts, drawings and plenty of plain-spoken advice, this is a great book to share with your daughter when its time to have the talk.

Linda Villarosa, author of Body & Soul:
The Black Womans Guide to Physical Health and Emotional Well-Being

Answers questions that women would like to ask their gynecologists. An honest and detailed book covering all aspects of female sexuality. An extremely valuable addition to any womans library.

Rogerio A. Lobo, M.D.,
Sloane Hospital for Women,
Columbia University College of Physicians & Surgeons
and New York-Presbyterian Hospital

Her approach is so thorough and the writing so reassuring that even readers who would otherwise never pick up a sex manual will likely be comfortable withand grateful forthis book.

Publishers Weekly

The ultimate source book.

Latina magazine

An honest, straightforward guide.

Upscale magazine

Comprehensive yet neither confusing nor overwhelminguser-friendly and [an] easy read.

Library Journal

What
Your Mother
Never
Told You
About
S.e.x

Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

A PERIGEE BOOK

Every effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this book is complete and accurate. However, neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss, injury, or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book. The opinions expressed in this book represent the personal views of the author and not of the publisher.

A Perigee Book
A division of Penguin Putnam Inc.
375 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014

Copyright 2002 by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.
Cover design and illustration copyright 2002 by Lawrence Ratzkin
Interior illustrations by Judith Soderquist Cummins

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.

G. P. Putnams Sons hardcover edition: April 2002
First Perigee edition: February 2003

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-101-14342-1

The Library of Congress has catalogued the
G. P. Putnams Sons hardcover edition as follows:

Hutcherson, Hilda.
What your mother never told you about sex / Hilda Hutcherson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
1. Sex instruction for women. 2. WomenSexual behavior. 3. Sex. I. Title.
HQ46 .H835 2002 2001048899
613.96dc21

Version_3

This book is dedicated to my mother, Bernice,
who encouraged me to always follow my dreams.

A special thank you to Susan L. Taylor for planting the seed for this book; Tamara Jeffries, an exceptional writer, editor, and friend for her guidance; Miriam Biddelman, an incredible sex therapist and buddy for her expertise and caring spirit; and Judith Cummins for her realistic illustrations.

Thanks to the following writers, editors, and friends for their assistance and advice: Hilary Beard, Valerie Boyd, Ayana Byrd, Synitra Hutcherson, Alex Simmons, Holly Taylor, Linda Villarosa, and expert physical trainer Robert Corbellini.

I am grateful to the following sex-sensitive physicians who answered my many questions: Aristotelis Anastasiadis, M.D.; Gerald Hoke, M.D.; Nabil Husami, M.D.; Sylvia Karasu, M.D.; Alan Kling, M.D.; Roger Lobo, M.D.; Henry Lodge, M.D.; John Postley, M.D.; and Paula Randolph, M.D. Thanks also to the following sex and couples therapists and psychologists for their expert advice: Elana Katz, M.S.W.; Risa Ryger, Ph.D.; and Michael Perelman, Ph.D. My research was made much easier by the assistance of Amy Levine, the knowledgeable librarian at SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States), Barbara Griswold, and many of my wonderful patients.

Thank you Carla Glasseryou are the worlds best agent. A million thanks to my wonderful editor, Sheila Curry Oakes, who saw my vision when others didnt. Thanks Hillery Borton for your excellent editing and patience.

My greatest thanks go to my familyhusband, Fredric Fabiano, and children, Lauren, Steven, Andrew, and Freddiefor their understanding and support. I love you much.

It was billed as the greatest day of my life by the man who was to be my husband. The room was toasty warm and filled with the sweet fragrance of roses. Soft music played. Id planned for months for this moment. My woman-of-the-world roommate had taught me about birth control pills. Id survived my very first visit to the university gynecologist. I was desperately in love and ready to give this perfect man the gift of my virginity.

He touched me slowly and gently. Softly. Lovingly. And as his hand brushed my breasts, my mothers bad-girl face appeared out of nowhere. Good girls dont.Sex is only to please your husband.Dont let boys touch you.Keep your skirt down and your panties up. His hands touched my essence. Warm breath and moist kisses covered me. And as he neared my intact hymen, my preachers Thou-shalt-not face materialized. Fire and brimstoneHell and damnationSin, sin, sin.

I dared not move. I dared not breathe. And just as Grandmas Boys-are-no-good face appeared, it was over.

Are you all right? He cradled me in his sweaty arms.

I love you.

I love you too.

I stared at the ceiling as silent tears scorched my face. Years would pass before I was confident enough to give myself permission to be a bad girl and celebrate the power of my sexuality.

The foundation of our sexuality and how we feel about sex is laid during childhood. Verbal and nonverbal messages from our parents, religious teachings, our culture and society all meld together to shape the sexual being that we are as adults. Traditionally it has been the job of the mother to teach daughters about sex; however, few women feel comfortable talking in detail about it. Dont blame Mom though, as it is unlikely that her mother was able to give her the complete story about sex. After all, mothers are a product of their environment. And many stories, myths, misconceptions, or complete silence have been passed down from generation to generation.

Most women assume that when it comes to the technique of lovemaking, their men will teach them all they need to know. What happens if your partner is a woman? What if your man doesnt have a clue? And who is teaching the men? Many boys learn about sex from their friends, and some depend on movies for the intimate details of making love.

In the twenty years that I have been an obstetrician and gynecologist, I have met thousands of women of every race, ethnic group, age, and socioeconomic class in America, and I have found that womens experience of sex is universal. We all share the same fears, myths, misconceptions, concerns, hang-ups, desires, needs, joys, and pleasures. Over the years, I have been asked time and time again to recommend a book that answered the basic questions that women have about sex. I studied what was available and found books that promised to teach you how to achieve hot sex, magnificent sex, mind-blowing sex, all-night sex, and incredibly outrageous sex. In my experience, most women would be happy if they got consistently satisfying, good-enough sex. A sprinkling of incredibly, outrageous, mind-blowing sex once in a while would be a wonderful bonus.