Ayn Carrillo - Good Vibrations

About the Book

Pornophobic:adj. describes a person (usu. female) afraid of things she doesnt understand according to her boyfriend.

It all began when Ayns boyfriend pronounced her pornophobic in defence of his taste for somewhat eyebrow-raising reading material. Refusing to be intimidated, this self-confessed Good Girl decided to immerse herself in a world of carnal curiosities. Her mission soon aroused the interest of her female friends: and it turned out that the girls both single and attached were all desperate for information. And so (in the name of research) Ayn created her own porn-to-do list.

Along the way, Ayn ditched the porn-obsessed boyfriend, learned that one should not try to take change from a strippers G-string, and that a sex shop is not the best place to make a first impression. Hilarious, informative, and non-judgmental, this is one book you wont put down once you admit youre curious enough to pick it up!

CONTENTS

To Samuel W. Gailey

for putting up with me on porn, dreadlines, and too much caffeine.

To Mom and Dad

who still do not know that I have written a book about porn.

INTRODUCTION

SO WHY IS a good girl like me writing a book about porn? Im well-educated, open-minded, serious about my career and the people I love, and I am certainly not obsessed with sex. That is probably why I was so reluctant to research all things porn. Did being interested in porn make me somehow cheap or dirty, I wondered? Certainly smart, successful men arent apprehensive about going to a newsstand and buying a Playboy magazine or renting a hard-core porn video at their local video store.

Admittedly, my first forays into porn were fueled by a boyfriend who accused me of being pornophobic. As usual I took criticism as a personal challenge. Obsessed with list-making, I jotted down every porn subject I was curious about and set out to explore it. It was also my girlfriends (mostly good girls) who encouraged me to explore the world of porn, calling me their spy on a reconnaissance mission to gather information that would make them more sexually savvy. In the beginning, I merely saw myself on a quest to understand men and their fascination with porn. Now, you might be reading this and thinking, Oh, not my man, but yes, your man, too. My research and interviews with dozens of men indicate that any woman who thinks that her significant other is not turned on by some porn is fooling herself.

In the end, I did learn a lot about men and their relationships with porn and sex, but what really surprised me was what I learned about myself, and how I improved my relationship with sex. For six months I basically became a Good Girl Gone Wild. I did things like attend blow job seminars, visit brothels, watch porn, test vibrators, read erotica, and much, much more. And, I had a few epiphanies on the way.

To start with, I realized that it doesnt do anyone any good to live off yesterdays orgasms, and that cliterature is a far better coping tool for break-ups than Hagen-Dazs or buying shoes. The fact is that whether you are a single twenty-something exploring your sexuality for the first time, a married thirty-something with children trying to fit sex into a busy schedule, or a woman experiencing menopause, sex is a major part of everyones life.

However, if youre a woman, you are likely to be more reluctant than a male reader or too strapped for time to do things like try a lap dance, patronize a sex store, research sex-enhancement products, or rent dozens of porn videos to figure out which one might improve your sex life. Thats why I have gone out and embarrassed myselfso that you dont have to!

In your hands, Good Vibrations may be used to discover worthwhile products and places to improve your sex life without having to risk time or money testing these things yourselfa kind of Zagats Guide to porn places and things, if you will. Or, if youre one of the many women frustrated with dating in a society where men prefer Penthouse to poetry, you may use it to explore mens fascination with porn. Or, you may simply read this book as it was originally meant to be: a laugh-out-loud chronicle of One Good Girls Exploration of All Things Naughty. An exploration that is constantly complicated by my break-ups with a string of insignificant others, my fear that social evolution is based on survival of the prettiest, hilarious diversions by The Naughty Knitters (a group of friends I stitch and bitch with) and my best guy friend, an out-of-the-closet metrosexual, and, of course, my neverending search for a Mr. Right, which pitifully disintegrates into a search for Mr. Right Now.

If, after reading this introduction, you are still reluctant to explore my adventures in pornology because you are asking yourself, Will I still be a good girl after reading this book? The answer is yes.

An informed Good Girl is still a Good Girl.

Erotic literature designed to help women masturbate.

TEN SIGNS

THAT YOU ARE A GOOD GIRL WHEN IT COMES TO MEN, SEX, AND PORN

. Youve considered looking up the word orgasm in the dictionary.

. You feel guilty for faking it.

. You are tempted to add a digit when giving your sex tally to a new partner.

. You prefer reading House Beautiful to Penthouse.

. You wear thong underwear only to avoid panty lines, not because you want to look sexy.

. You thought dildos were only for women without boyfriends.

. You still feel embarrassed when you buy condoms or vaginal lubricant in a grocery store.

. You think dirty talk during sex seems, well, dirty.

. You let your inhibitions down with Tom only after three or more shots of Jack.

. Repeat the following three words: hot, throbbing, cock. If you didnt say it out loud, you are definitely a Good Girl.

Chapter One

Generation XXX

Irritable boyfriend syndrome (IBS): n.chronic condition characterized by frequent bouts of irritability, lack of interest in improving relationships, and irregular bowel movements

OKAY, I GUESS were having sex. Not a lot of notice, but the lights are out, Greg is not snoring, and he has crawled on top of me. Why does he always assume I want him on top?

Oooh, wait a minute, that feels kind of good. He is actually using his hands in a way he never has before. Damn it, he stoppedthe hands thing mustve been an accident. All right, here we go again. I need to get into this. What is that noise? Did I forget to turn the stove fan off? No is it could it be Gregs stomach? Can he really still be hungry? Oh, God, maybe he has gas! Wouldnt surprise me, he ate so fast. Okay, gas is distracting and not exactly a turn-on. Just stop thinking, Ayn! Maybe if I pretend Im into sex tonight, that will get me more into it. Wow, hes really sweating. He may fail creativity, but he gets an A for exertion. God, is he done yet?

Okay, here we go again, yes, yes. I even say, Yes, yes out loud to help matters. We are in sync now; I actually feel kinda good. Oooh, yes, yes, wheat-free waffles! Oh, no! Wheat-free waffles? Did I say that out loud?

Greg suddenly rolls off of me and turns on the light. Crap. I did say it out loud.

What the hell was that?

Just a second. I take the pen and Post-its I always keep by my bedside and jot down wheat-free waffles. Ive been trying to remember that all day. Its what I forgot at the store.

Are you kidding me?

What?

We havent had sex in two weeks and you just killed the mood.

Well, Im ready now. Getting that off my mind really freed me up.