Copyright 2015 by Brett H. McKay
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
ISBN 978-0-9891903-3-6
Semper Virilis Publishing
PO Box 978
Jenks, OK 74037
www.sempervirilis.com
Cover by Eric Granata. Layout by Stan Perl. A Screen Four collaboration.
Brett McKay is not a therapist or a psychologist. The opinions expressed are his, based on his interpretation of the existing research on pornography and habit change and his observation.
Brett McKay and Semper Virilis Publishing shall be held harmless and are not liable for the results of using the advice in this book; science indicates likely odds, but even the most rigorous research cannot predict exactly what will happen in an individual persons life.
The reader is the only one who can decide whether the information in this book is a good fit for them, and so the reader is responsible for his or her own actions and decisions. Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability for actions and choices made by purchasers and readers of this book.
The electronic version of this book contains affiliate links to some of the recommended reading and books and works used in writing this ebook. Purchasing through these links provides a small sales commission to the author. However, the author was not approached by any of these authors or publishers to include their work in this book; Brett McKays decision to include these books is based solely on the works merit and usefulness in his experience. Readers should examine the books to determine their value before making any purchase.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
In a 2010 interview with Playboy magazine, musician John Mayer described his relationship with porn thusly: Its a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandoras box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.
Most men in the West can identify, if not with the specific number Mayer offered, than with his general sentiment and daily routine. Viewing porn, once considered a shameful pursuit to be carried on in societys shadows, has become more than mainstream; today its considered a nearly universal part of every mans life. Watch any modern television show (particularly sitcoms), and it is nearly assumed that the main male characters watch porn, and in many cases its practically celebrated (see Barney in How I Met Your Mother). In modern novels about American life, the same is true; and even in mens magazines youll find a variety of quips about the normalness of porn. Its become embedded into our pop culture and therefore our entertainment and our conversations.
Many men have an occasional touch of wariness about the effect their porn habit is having on their brains even Mayer posits that its affecting his generations relationships later in the Playboy interview. But in general, viewing porn is something a lot of guys engage in without much thought, seeing it as something pretty innocuous a normal part of life and fodder for endless jokes on internet forums.
But is porn really harmless? Should it in fact be part of a mans life, or are there potential downsides to this habit? In this book, Ill be thoroughly diving into these important questions.
What is Normal and What is Weird?
While porn is usually considered by the masses to be thoroughly healthy and decidedly normal, it is worth noting that what is normal in Western society doesnt necessarily hold true across cultures. In a study published in Behavioral and Brain Sciences (a journal published by Cambridge University), researchers found that psychologists and sociologists routinely base their conclusions on studies done with one kind of test subject: the WEIRD (those in Western, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic societies); in fact, 96% of the subjects whose behavior has been reported in top psychological journals were drawn from only 12% of the worlds population. Researchers have taken the WEIRD to be representative of populations around the globe, but this simply isnt the case. Citizens of the West are in fact more likely to be outliers when compared to the behaviors and attitudes of other cultures.
A fascinating example of this is the practice of masturbation. Like porn, masturbation is often seen as a male universal. And yet there are societies in which it is a foreign practice. Case in point: when researchers attempted to ask two Central African tribes the Aka and the Ngandu about their masturbation practices, the anthropologists found it difficult to explain, not because these two peoples were shy or embarrassed about the subject, but because they did not have a term for it. The researchers reported that the Aka found it unusual and said it may happen far away in Congo, but they did not know itWe asked men, in particular, about masturbating before they were married or during the postpartum sex taboo and all indicated this did not occur. The study notes that the absence of masturbation turned up among other tribes as well:
We asked Robert Baileyabout his experiences of trying to collect semen for fertility studies from Lese men in the Ituri forest of the Democratic Republic of Congo. He indicated it was very difficult to explain to men how to self stimulate to obtain semen samples. He said that despite explicit and lengthy instructions three of four semen specimens came to him mixed with vaginal secretions.
While masturbation and porn often go, er, hand-in-hand, the subject of this book is porn. I simply bring up the topic to demonstrate an important fact: that which we in industrialized, Western countries consider to be normal, male universals, are not always such. The claim that everybody does it is unfortunately often used to shut down discussions of the possible downside of certain practices before they can ever be fully examined.
Not Your Grandpappys Porn
Of course it is true that pornography has existed for thousands of years in some form or another around the world. Neolithic cavemen likely drew naked women on the insides of caves; the ancient Greeks and Romans created art depicting graphic sex scenes; the ancient Hindus gave us the Kama Sutra; supposedly prudish Victorians still managed to create titillating erotic artwork; your grandpa lined his barracks with sexy pin-ups and had access to stag films; and your dad likely had a stash of Playboy magazines in his closet.
But the level of access and the sheer amount of porn has changed dramatically since the dawn of the digital age (in fact, its estimated that 30% of all the data transferred on the internet is porn). In Your Brain on Porn, Gary Wilson argues that todays high-speed internet pornography is vastly different from the static variety of yesteryear. And, our hunter-gatherer brain simply isnt evolved for it. That mismatch between our current porn-infused environment and what our brains are evolved for is creating problems for many men.
The ancient, universal code of manhood rested on 3 Ps: Protect, Provide, and Procreate. While the edifice of manhood was designed to be held up by this triad of support, in our modern age men are not often called upon to be protectors, and sometimes dont get much satisfaction from their work as providers. Consequently, the pillar of Procreation has come to bear a disproportionate amount of weight in a mans life, and has thus become twisted and contorted from the strain. The standard of procreation centered not just on having kids, but a mans sexuality as a whole, and modern mens lives are often filled to the brim with sex or at least watching other people have sex. Men have become spectators of their own sexuality, and porn has filled their daily existence with more and more abstraction, instead of action taking them further and further from the core of masculinity.
