Joe Dallas - Five Steps to Breaking Free from Porn

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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FIVE STEPS TO BREAKING FREE FROM PORN

Copyright 2013 by Joe Dallas

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

ISBN 978-0-7369-5336-8 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-5338-2 (eBook)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

This book is written to and for you if you have a porn problem because, sadly, its a problem hugely affecting the Christian population. Perhaps youre a guy who has the problem, but not the beliefs expressed in this book. In short, you may not be a Christian. If thats the case, Im grateful you picked this up, and I sincerely hope that, whatever your worldview, youll find some helpful principles and suggestions in these pages.

Id be less than honest, though, if I didnt point out the need to get to the root of the problem, which is much more than porn. Its the human condition. You can certainly improve your life by eliminating pornography from it, and I hope you will. But eternal questions still need to be answered. If they remain unanswered, then youll have only scratched the surface by going porn free.

So please, once youve finished reading the chapters, spend some time thinking over the steps to knowing God that are listed at the back of the book. Because in the end, my friend, nothing matters more than having full assurance that youre ready to meet Him, and Jesus Christ has made the provision for you so you can have that confidence.

Gods best to you,

Joe

CONTENTS

He said to me, Son of man, have you seen what the elders of the house of Israel do in the dark, every man in the room of his idols? For they say, The L ORD does not see us, the L ORD has forsaken the land (Ezekiel 8:12).

Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight (Psalm 51:4).

Come, and let us return to the L ORD ; for He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up (Hosea 6:1).

When a man has a problem with porn, he has a problem with God. Thats because the repeated use of porn involves giving himself permission to violate the God-given standards of chastity, monogamy, and a sound mind. A porn habit requires a man to keep a private but huge part of his life to himself, outside of Gods will and authority. Conversely, to turn from porn is to relinquish his most private self back to God.

Are you ready to consider doing that? If so, this booklet is for you. If youre not, dont bother reading on.

This book is meant to be used. Its for you if you have a problem with porn, realize you need help, and are ready to take concrete steps to break the habit once and for all. Readiness is the key. This book isnt for you if you need to be convinced porn is wrong. If that question isnt settled with you yet, ask yourself if what youre getting from the stuff is worth what youre losing. If you come up with yes for an answer, come back when your answer is no, and well talk.

This book isnt for guys who want a detailed analysis of porns adverse effects. Pornography does so much damage in so many areas of a mans life that I couldnt hope to cover them sufficiently in these pages. Besides, you know better than I do what it has cost you so far. Just consider what prompted you to look into this book, and Ill wager much of it had to do with loss. For example, Ill lose my marriage/reputation/self-respect/spiritual strength if I dont stop.

What can I add to that? Only this: Your use of pornography may well not be the only problem. It can become a bridge to more serious, life-altering actions. The guy who stimulates himself on hard-core images often finds the images lose their kick after a time, leaving him craving a stronger fix. The fix may then come through actions even more consequential than porn, such as online connections, strip clubs, massage parlors, prostitutes, and affairs. These consequences can be prevented if a man takes steps to break the porn habit while the problem is still in the private stage.

This is doubly true if youre a family man. Your children cant help but be damaged if they find out that Dad, who preaches morality and chastity to them, has been practicing something altogether different behind closed doors. Your credibility as leader in the home is largely made or broken by consistency. Inconsistency is a problem no leader, especially the head of a household, can afford.

My goal isnt to provide an in-depth look at the psychological issues that might contribute to a mans weakness for lusty images. I fully believe there are problems of the soul that can make you more susceptible to certain vices, porn included. But lust is also an equal-opportunity sin. Guys with deep psychological wounds can fall into it, and guys bursting with emotional health can be just as vulnerable. So while a book on the psychology of porn use might be an interesting read, this book isnt it.

Instead, this is a handbook to help you break free from porn and stay that way. Its based in part on my years of experience counseling men who came to my office desperate for help with their sexual issues. They didnt come to me because of a bad decision they made. They came because of hundredseven thousandsof bad decisions that linked together to forge a chain they wore like a prisoners shackles.

The Chain Is Forged

The first link in the chain usually starts with a discovery. Some actthe use of porn, a sexual fantasy, whateverdelivers a perceived positive impact. A deep impact the brain carefully records for future reference. Then, when a man is either bored, or angry, or lonely, or uncomfortable in some way, the brain reminds him of the positive impact the sexual behavior delivered. So he repeats it to get relief from the current situation. Then he repeats it again, and soon the repetition becomes a pattern, the pattern becomes a dependency, and, link-by-link a chain is forged.

I know about this truth because Im someone who forged and wore that chain. I can attest to how light it seems at times but how heavy it actually is. Light, in the sense that it doesnt seem to be interfering with anything. No consequences seem to be forthcoming; no obvious toll is being taken. God is amazingly patient as this chain is being formed, allowing a man time to consider the secret sin hes entertaining and giving him the opportunity to walk away from it before it becomes an unmanageable bondage. Believe me, as you read this there are countless numbers of Christian men going about their church and family business looking fine on the outside, but privately forging chains and mistaking them for light jewelry. Theyre in for a terrible wake-up call. In fact, you must surely know this since youve turned to this book for help.

Perhaps youve realized that the weight of the chain grows without the wearer really catching on for a long time. But from the moment the links are forged, a mans mind is being darkened, his heart hardened, his integrity drained. And since those are internal rather than external consequences, they are easy to ignore, just like high cholesterol or blood pressure can be, until a crisis finally comes. And come it does. In your case it may already have weighed in, and the secrets out in the open. Scary and horrible to go through, yes, but necessary because at least now youre dealing with the problem before it exacts even more of a price you cant afford.