Matthew Fradd - The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality Behind the Fantasy of Pornography

THE PORN MYTH

MATT FRADD

Exposing the Reality Behind the
Fantasy of Pornography

IGNATIUS PRESS SAN FRANCISCO

Cover images: Depositphotos

Cover design by Enrique Javier Aguilar Pinto

2017 by Ignatius Press
All rights reserved
ISBN 978-1-62164-006-6 (PB)
ISBN 978-1-68149-754-9 (EB)
Library of Congress Control Number 2014949949
Printed in the United States of America

Totus tuus Maria

When I was ten years old, a friend and I were riding our bikes around our neighborhood one day, looking for something to do. We soon found ourselves behind a local gas station, where many neighborhood kids would often spend their afternoons because of its privacy and quick access to candy and soda. When we arrived that day, no one else was there. What happened next will forever be burned into my mind. I can still recall the vivid images over twenty years later.

My friend hopped off his bike and was pulled like a magnet toward a pile of magazines containing a seemingly endless number of images of nude women. My mind could hardly comprehend what it was consuming. I felt scared, excited, and a little confused.

Over the next several years, I found myself seeking out more of what I had seen, more often, and in more hardcore versions. Porn began to consume me, and it took me a long time to regain control and put it behind me.

What I experienced at ten years old was nothing compared with what youth are experiencing today. Not only has pornography become more accessible than at any other time in history, but its very nature has drastically changed from those magazines behind the gas station. Few things in our society are more concerning than pornography. Research is beginning to show just how harmful it is. We now know that pornography plays a role in sex trafficking, child exploitation, and sexual violence. Pornography also affects the developing brains of youth and shapes the sexual template of our entire society. We are seeing unprecedented levels of sexual dysfunction in many young men, and experts are attributing the trend to high levels of porn consumption.

Yet many of us have been duped into believing that pornography is healthy and normal. Weve collectively adopted this myth and many others related to pornography (all of which are debunked in this book). As a result, the way we think and talk about topics such as sex, intimacy, and love has been warped, and our ability to form meaningful and fulfilling relationships with the opposite sex has been eroded. And thats putting it mildly.

Stating the case more strongly, countless relationships have been damaged or destroyed because of porn. Families have been torn apart. Lives have been consumed.

Pornography helped to land my cousin in jail in his early twenties. His pornography addiction was so severe that he eventually needed more than pixels to satisfy his cravings.

In college, seeing the impact of pornography led some friends and me to do some research. What we found shocked us. And we were angry that for much of our lives we and our peers had been led to believe that porn was just a harmless pastime.

This newfound knowledge would change the course of our lives. We felt a responsibility to help others to understand the truth about porn. We started the organization Fight the New Drug in an effort to educate youth about the harmful effects of pornography and to help them in their pursuit of real love.

Since then, weve received thousands upon thousands of e-mails from people all over the world, telling us their heartbreaking storiesstories that show just how damaging porn is, stories such as this one:

I have been watching porn at least every day for the last 10 years. I am 23 years old. I got married when I was 21, and I still havent had sex with my wife. Not because I dont want to, but because I cant. I cant stop watching porn, and Im unable to become aroused enough to have sex with her. It has been two years, and I can see the pain in her eyes every time we try. I would do anything to change the last 10 years. I would do anything to choose love over porn. I want to love her with everything that I have, but my addiction to pornography has broken down our relationship to the point that we are now separated until I change or we agree on a divorce. I still havent been aroused by anything other than pixels on a screen for years. I would do anything to go back and choose love.

We received this message from a teenager in high school:

Im addicted to porn. I watch it every single day. Ive probably spent over 100 dollars on sex chats. I feel like I have no control over what I do. No matter how disciplined or in control I think I am, I always have porn on the back of my mind and I always want more.... This is no way to live. Ive realized that and I want to change it. I need to change it.

The reality is that todays rising generation is dealing with this issue like no other generation before them. Porns widespread acceptance and accessibility have evolved much faster than our public awareness of it. This topic has been pushed aside as a moral or religious one and therefore does not hold any weight in public health or public policy discussions.

Not anymore.

Thanks to new research on pornographys harmful effects on the brain, on relationships, and on society, we are seeing a wave of passionate individuals trying to change the cultural norminspiring others to pursue real love and to avoid its hollow counterfeit.

Our generation is ready for a new kind of lovea love that is untainted by warped perceptions of intimacy and by selfish desires, a love that is unburdened by deflated interest and unhealthy compulsions. Millions are now recognizing pornography for what it is and rejecting its influence in their lives. This book is part of that movement.

The Porn Myth can help you not only to separate the myths from the reality about porn but also to reclaim real love. Matt Fradd masterfully articulates and dispels the falsehoods that have helped to spread porn addiction and sexual dysfunction, and he inspires us to take action against them.

But lets be realistic. Information is only the first step in changing a cultural norm: there is also a lot of work to do. But thats okay. We can do it. It has taken years for pornography to become widely accepted as a harmless pastime and a way of life, and it will take time and effort to reverse that public perspective. Are you up for it?

If so, read this book. Put into practice what you learn from it. Then share the message with others.

Clay Olsen, CEO and
Cofounder of Fight the New Drug

Many of the insights and arguments I present in this book are not original, and Ive tried hard to give credit where it is due. In particular, Im grateful for the work of J. Budziszewski, Noah Church, Gabe Deem, Gail Dines, April Garris, Luke Gilkerson, Dawn Hawkins, Donald Hilton Jr., Fr. Sean Kilcawley, Peter Kleponis, Mary Anne Layden, Jill Manning, Clay Olsen, Pamela Paul, Alexander Rhodes, Marnia Robinson, Roger Scruton, Kevin Skinner, William Struthers, Patrick Trueman, Christopher West, Gary Wilson, andif I dont stop soon this will be a book of its ownthe many knowledgeable anti-porn activists who have taught and influenced me. Im also deeply thankful to the team at Ignatius Pressespecially Mark Brumleywho saw the value in a nonreligious response to pro-porn arguments. Finally, Im thankful to Jason Evert, without whose work, example, and friendship this book almost certainly wouldnt exist.

This book is about the myth that pornography is good and the many other falsehoods about pornography that many of us believe.

But before I get to those, a word about moths.