Mac King - Tricks with Your Head: Hilarious Magic Tricks and Stunts to Disgust and Delight

Mac King, a coauthor of this treatise on how to make rude mischief and have people love you for it, is a god.

Why do we deify this man? After all, heslets not mince wordsa hayseed. His taste in wardrobe is hand-me-down baggy. He says Howdy! a lot. And, most damning of all, hes a comedy magician.

And yet in Mac somehow all those embarrassing character traits are assets. When you see him on stage, he strolls out floppy-haired in an oversize plaid suit. The Las Vegas slot-machine-numbed moms and jaded fourteen-year-old females groan and look daggers at their dads and juniors who dragged them to see the damn corny magic show. Then something happens. They penetrate Macs yokel pose and realize theres genius at work. Soon the air shrieks with their pinched-seagull-like laughter.

We use Macs show as a test of new acquaintances. Not liking Mac is like not liking Carlsbad Caverns, or Lou Reed, or Krispy Kreme Donuts. It means theres something wrong with you.

Mac has an amazing mind. He invented, yes, invented the greatest impromptu dinner stunt in the modern world (Eyescream) and its sister (Zit Squeeze). This book contains a cosmos of such completely surreal, brilliant ideas: Dog Jaw, for example, will absolutely (and we knowweve tested it) make anybody scream laughing. How to Have the Air in Your Lungs Change Places with the Air in a Balloon is, well, just that, and actually works. A Singularly Pourous Head and Thumb Through Ear will make your little niece squeal. If you are mean and rotten and simply like to embarrass and hit others, Mac provides Smack! (we advise doing the latter only on people smaller than you). And if you just want to have people laugh at and not with you, try Glue Galoot.

Mac King has written jokes, tricks, and gags for us. And now hes doing the same for you. They could give you a career, or make you the life of the party or get you a black eyeor, more likely, all three. A god has smiled upon you. Count your blessings.

Many, many years ago I had an idea. I thought it would be fun to write a book about tricks you could do using your head. I made some notes, wrote up a few of the tricks, and got my cousin Bill to do a few drawings in exchange for a forty-ounce bottle of malt liquor. Thats really as far as I went with my little notion. Everybody thought it was cool, but I didnt have the time, or the assertiveness, to push it from vision to fulfillment. But then I met Mark Levy.

I was familiar with Mark because I knew he was the magic adviser on Magic for Dummies (by far the best introduction to conjuring available to the general public). He came by my house one afternoon to talk about some Las Vegas writing project he was working on, and I conned him into taking a look at the preliminary chapters of my book. He got excited. He didnt have the time to work on it either, but he certainly had the assertiveness. The book you have in your hands would not exist without Mark taking a huge chunk of his nonexistent time to write at least half of the tricks, and busting his assertive butt to go out and sell it to the publisher.

That hes a fine human being and a great magician youll have to take my word on. That hes a creative genius, a startlingly wonderful writer, and a remarkably influential pitchman, you can prove to yourself by reading this book.

IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HEAD
WHEN ALL ABOUT YOU ARE LOSING THEIRS
YOULL BE A M AN, MY SON!
RUDYARD KIPLING

While Kiplings poetic counsel may have inspired many a lad to a life of noble achievement, such austere advice is deadly at a party. Rather than keeping your head, which anyone can do, you should lose itand hear the laughter begin!

What They See: Over dinner, your companion gradually becomes aware that she is doing all the talking. Slowly it dawns on her that the reason for this is that you have no head.

What Actually Happens: Half the preparation for this trick takes place at home, while youre dressing for dinner; the other half takes place at the performance site.

First, your home preparation: For The Headless Wonder to work, you must be wearing a button-front shirt and a pair of pants (or a skirt). Also, you must not wear an undershirt of any kind. Otherwise, your clothing choices are optional and will probably be dictated by peer pressure.

Second, your performance site preparation: Youll need a few minutes alone, so wait until your audience has to leave the table (to go to the bathroom, for example). To hasten her departure, throw a glass of red wine on her. If youre out with a group, try a pitcher of daiquiris. (Do we have to think of everything for you readers?)

However it happened, you are now alone. At this point, unbutton the top two or three buttons of your shirt, move your collar back behind your neck, and rebutton your collar button.

Still seated, duck your head under the table. (This is not as easy as it sounds, particularly if youre a bit heavy. Quickly lose twenty pounds and continue.) While in this position, use your hands to feel around above the tabletop, and make certain your collar is flush up against the tables edge. Also make sure that your collar is still roughly circle-shaped, as if your neck were still in it.

Complete the illusion by picking up your fork in one hand and your knife in the other and holding them in the ready-to-eat position above the table. Periodically scratch inside the open neck hole with the tines of your fork as you wait for your wine- or daiquiri-soaked companion(s) to return to the table. Youll know theyve returned when you hear them scream.

Notes: A bonus tip for the brave (or stupid): Instead of scratching your neck hole with a fork, try pouring your drink into it.

We instructed you to leave off your undershirt so that when your audience looks at your headless torso they see skin, not cotton. On the other hand, youre not trying to fool anyone with this gag. Think of it as bringing them joy, in the same way visiting dogs bring joy to nursing home residents, or collisions delight the crowds at funny-car rallies.

What They See: Youre visiting your friends parents. They have a cat. You ask them the following questions: Is your cat fussy? Does he sleep away most of the day? When he is awake, does he make a meowing noise? They of course answer in the affirmative. Aha! He needs a chiropractic neck adjustment! you exclaim. As you pick up the poor beast and twist his head, an alarming Crraaaack! issues forth from his unfortunate vertebrae as you perform your feline alignment. You place the cat back down and he walks away. Of course hes still fussy, sleepy, and noisy, but at least now hes comfortable. Please read the how-to part of this item before you try it. There is a trick to it. Dont actually twist a cats head until his neck snaps. Unless its your cat; then we believe you should be allowed to do whatever you want with it.