Solala Towler - The Tao of Intimacy and Ecstasy: Realizing the Promise of Spiritual Union

For Shanti,

the great love of my middle years.

RELATIONSHIP CAN BE a place of healing, of happiness, and of deep love connection, or it can make us feel lost, alone, and hopeless. It can raise us to the highest levels of radiant beauty, or it can crash us down on the rocks of despair. It can be a place of solace and comfort and instill a deep feeling of belonging, or it can make us sad and bitter and afraid to reach out again.

At the present time, books on relationship are all around us. The bookshelves are full of self-help books on all aspects of relationshipfrom sex manuals to guidance on creating and sustaining healthy relationships. There are books on spiritual relationship from the viewpoint of various religions and psychotherapies as well as advice books by famous celebrities.

What makes The Tao of Intimacy and Ecstasy different from these other books is that it utilizes the unique and ancient wisdom of the Taoist (Daoist) masters from thousands of years of Chinese history to educate, enlighten, and illuminate us so that we may better traverse the challenging and oftentimes shaky ground of sacred union. By sacred union, I mean a union that exists on many levelsfrom day-to-day emotions to heights of sublime ecstasy. A sacred union is a relationship in which both parties have their hearts and eyes wide open. A sacred union is one that allows each partner the space to grow and develop and delve deeply into their own inner landscape while also having a safe place to explore together. A sacred union is a place where woundsemotional, sexual, physical, or energeticcan have a place and time to heal.

Being in sacred union with another means meeting them on a level playing field, where each person has the right to be heard and seen, not just for who they are when they are at their best, but also for who they are in any present moment. Sacred union encourages each partner to be as open and honest as it is possible in any moment to be, both with themselves and with each other. A sacred union is a union that can last for years or for a lifetime. It is a union that feeds and sustains each partner in the deepest and richest way possible. A sacred union is one in which it is acknowledged that there is a higher force involved, be it Spirit, the God or Goddess, the Great Mystery, or Tao itself. And this higher power is something that can be spoken to, sung to, prayed to, in order that this union be continually blessed and supported.

Lastly, by a sacred union, I mean a relationship that can not only give us the warm love connection we so deeply seek from the one we love but can also assist both of us in our spiritual cultivation. It is in this way that we can best use this practice of sacred union, both for ourselves and for the world around us.

When two people love each other from the highest level of their being, they create a vortex of healing love energy that surrounds them and travels out in waves to affect others. It is for this reason that sacred union is so important: in creating our own sacred union, not only will we be able to start, sustain, and evolve more healthy, more creative, more fun, and more spiritual relationships with those we love, but we will also be a force for healing and beauty in the world around usa world that is so desperately seeking hope and healing.

By utilizing the principles of Taoism, we can educate ourselves and inspire ourselves to be more open, more grounded, more giving, and more happy in our relationships. By using the practices of Taoism, we can create a space of healthy and loving relationship, both for ourselves and for our loved ones. By using such Taoist concepts and practices as the slippery art of wu wei (not doing), the watercourse way, the cosmic dance of yin/yang, the tai chi of communication, Taoist sexual yoga, the Art of the Bedroom, returning to the source (Taoist meditation), and chi gong (qigong), we can finally realize the promise of spiritual union.

I have been studying the principles and practices of Taoism for almost twenty-five years and have applied them to every aspect of my life. Besides affecting health issues, I think the greatest impact has been on my relationship life. Going slowly, being present in every moment, not having my own agenda, being okay with what is happening rather than what I want to happen, being the steward of my own energy both physically and emotionallythese and many more things I have taken from my studies of the Taoist arts and employed in my relationships.

You will not have to convert to the Taoist religion in order to gain benefit from the teachings in this book. Indeed, for thousands of years in China there was no such thing as a Taoist religion. The teachings of the ancient masters like Lao Tzu (Laozi), who wrote the Tao Te Ching (Daode Jing), and Chuang Tzu (Zhuangzi), as well as numberless other nameless masters of both sexes, have continued to reverberate down through the years and can have a powerful effect on our lives even in this twenty-first century. No matter what your spiritual or religious path, you will be able to use these exercises and principles to add a new dimension to a current relationship or to a future relationship. While the practices in this book are, for the most part, for creating and maintaining a romantic or love relationship, many of them can also be of great use in your family or working relationships as well.

This book is a distillation of these teachings and practices. It is for anyone who is interested in both creating and sustaining a relationship that serves the highest good in both parties, that is full and fresh and fun, and that evolves along with the changes in each persons life as well as the life of the relationship itself. You will learn how to bring these ancient principles and practices into every aspect of your relationship life, as well as into your own personal self-cultivation. You will be able to move forward into a more sustainable and healthy relationship lifestylephysically, emotionally, and spiritually.

You will learn to

communicate more clearly and more respectfully;

bring a sense of balance and harmony into your life, especially your love life;

use the concept of yin/yang to find balance both within your relationship as well as within yourself;

use sexual energy not only for fun and sensual lovemaking but also as a tool for spiritual cultivation and health enhancement;

bring your energetic system into balance;

strengthen your connection to the earth.

Instead of treating sex as merely a physical release, you will be able to bring both a high level of spirituality and a greater depth of pleasure for both you and your partner through the principles and practices of Taoist sexual yoga. Instead of feeling low energy or having multiple health problems, which get in the way of enjoying your life together, you will be able to enjoy greater health and wellbeing through the practice of chi gong. Instead of feeling confused and unclear in your thought processes and emotions, you will be able to attain greater clarity and a stronger emotional balance through both the practices of chi gong and Taoist meditation.

It is often when we are in relationship with others that we can learn to know ourselves in a deeper and richer way. It is my hope that you will be able to take this book and use it in your relationship life to get to know both your partner and yourself in deeper and more profound ways.

Authors Note: All quotations from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu and Inner Chapters by Chuang Tzu are my own interpretation of the works by these ancient sages. Since I did not translate directly from classical Chinese, I cannot claim that they are translations. I like to call them my interpretations, as they are the fruit of many years of studying both the texts themselves and the philosophy and practices they teach.