Other Books by the Author
Humor Books
Women Who Date Too Much
A Passion for Shoes
Dating Iron John
How NOT to Turn Into Your Mother
Mom Loves Me Best and Other Lies You Told Your Sister
The Memoirs of Bambi Goldbloom: Or, Growing Up in New Jersey
Plain Janes Thrill of Very Fattening Foods Cookbook
Plain Jane Works Out
Art Books
All Things Alice
All Things Oz
The Family Dog
The Family Dinner
Our Grandmothers: Loving Portraits by 74 Granddaughters
Movie Books
The Sideways Guide to Life and Wine
Ray: The Man, the Music, the Movie
Vanity Fair: The Mira Nair Movie
Cold Mountain: The Journey from Novel to Screen
Catch Me If You Can: The Making of the Movie
Frida: Bringing the Artist and Art to Film
E.T.: Celebrating 20 Years of Movie Magic
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Stuart Little: The Story Behind the Amazing Movie
Saving Private Ryan
Lovers: Great Screen Couples
The Illustrated Woody Allen Reader
Shes Just THAT Into You! copyright 2005 by Linda Sunshine.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.
Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
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Library of Congress Control Number: 2005920677
Book design by Holly Camerlinck
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To Adam and Lori Dorenter,
in celebration of January 15, 2005
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Love and appreciation to the dream editor of all time, Patty Rice, who got the jokes and provided oodles of support and encouragement every step of the way. Every writer should be blessed with such a guardian angel. Thanks also to Chris Schillig, Katie Anderson, and everyone at Andrews McMeel. Mostly though, I have to thank all the darling bad boys in my sordid pastBC, CFM, MB, RTS, and PPfor turning me into the hopeless romantic I am today.
M y cousin Marlys started liking this boy she never even thought of until he started liking her so now she is sad. Come on he said lets go to the store I have 25 cents Ill spend it all on you which to Marlys was the biggest words a boy ever said to her in her life... so she believed it. She picked all her favorite red hots, jolly rogers, jaw breakers and M&Ms and the next day he automatically quit liking her and so now she thinks its because she picked all the wrong candy. As if there even is such a thing.
Lynda Barry, The Wrong Candy
Shes Just THAT Into You...
If she calls tens times a day and hangs up
If she has monogrammed your initials on her towels
If shes introduced you to her parents
If she spends more than six hours a day waiting for you to call
If she has ever had her name on a restraining order
If shes having sex with you
If she thinks youre still dating even though you havent called in two months
If she blames herself for your bad behavior
If shes registered on theknot.com
If her therapist wants to meet you
If she names her cat after you
If she aspires to becoming a Desperate Housewife
If she still sleeps in your flannel shirt six months after youve dumped her
If she wants to kill herself only to hurt you
Dear Linda,
I met Donna at a speed-dating event last summer and we have been seeing each other ever since. Donna is a great cook, and although I have told her many times how much I love her lasagna, I have never, ever told her that I love her or that I wasnt seeing other women. So I thought I was safe.
But after only six months of dating, she starts asking that idiotic question that ruins everything: Where is our relationship going? I dont even know what that means. When did a weekly dinner and blow job turn into a relationship?
Gary
Dear Linda,
Last weekend, I took Lesley out to dinner at Le Madre, my favorite Italian restaurant in New York City, to celebrate our one-month anniversary. Somewhere between the appetizer and the entre, I lost interest in her.
I excused myself from the table and told her I was going to the mens room. Instead I left the restaurant and took the subway home.
I am writing to you as a dating expert for your advice on the proper etiquette for a situation like this. Do you think I need to reimburse Lesley for my share of the dinner?
Roger
Are You Becoming Obsessed with Him?
Thirty-two Early Warning Signs
The symptoms of obsession are not that difficult to define. Here are thirty-two early warning signs that you are obsessing over a man. Read each question carefully and check off any one of these that apply to you. Remember that the first step in any recovery is recognizing that you have a problem and that buying lottery tickets every week is a symptom, not a cure, for obsessive behavior.
Do you find yourself weeping over bridal magazines at the newsstand?
Are you consulting a psychic, astrologer, or manicurist for advice?
Do you find yourself performing witchcraft or sacrificial blood rituals as a viable way to make him love you?
Are you thinking that losing weight will get him back?
Do you purchase baby toys for the children you will never have with him?
Have you started smoking, drinking, or shooting heroin to pass the time between his phone calls?
Are you compulsively checking your voice mail, even when you are home all night?
Do you go to church (or temple) only to pray that he will come back to you?
Are you reading any books written by Dr. Phil?
Are you eating enough junk food and sweets to feed the 101st battalion?
A) Are you frequently seeking advice from your friends and family? B) Are they now avoiding you?
Do you listen to Elton Johns Sorry Seems to Be the Saddest Word more than twenty-seven times a day?
Do you cook his favorite meal every night, just in case he stops by for dinner?
A) Do you think you are going crazy? B) Are you only buying shoes that go with institutional orange?
Do you watch TV shows like CSI and Law and Order to research ways to murder the woman you think he might be seeing?
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