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Cherise Sinclair - This is who I am

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When trying to save a woman from slavers, Sam screwed up. Royally. Now Linda wants nothing to do with him. Or with BDSM. She wont even admit shes a masochist. As a dominant and sadist, he can give her what she needs, and when an opportunity arises, he slips into her life, intending to make amends. Shes everything he knew she would beexcept for her bullheaded determination to be normal. Now the horrible time is past, Linda just wants to return to her small conservative town, pick up her quiet life, and be normal. But how can someone who likes pain be normal? To her dismay, when someone spray-paints her home with obscenities, Sam shows up to rescue her. Again. Doesnt he understand that the last thing she needs in her life is a sadist? Hes amused by her objections. But his dry sense of humor cant disguise that hes tough as nails and dominant and stubborn. Hes not going to let her drive him off this time. Soon she realizes she wants him to stay. When he takes her to the Shadowlands, she feels as if shes found a homeuntil she hears a voice from out of her nightmares.

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This Is Who I Am

Masters of the Shadowlands - 7

by

Cherise Sinclair

Dedicated to those brave souls who have abandoned the conventional trail to find their own way. Your courage will ease the way for those who follow.

Acknowledgement

I want to thank my crazy street team, who keeps me laughing with tales of pouncing on unwary readers to pimp my books. Yall are the best!

Thanks to my fantastic beta readers: sweet Rosie Moewe for her encouragement; Monette Michaels, who forces me to stay with the plot; Bianca Sommerland, whose wicked pen keeps me from fatal errors *wiping off blood*; and Fiona Archer, who kicks critting and brainstorming ass.

It was a long winter and a long wait for this book. To all of you who sent encouraging and scolding e-mails, who filled Twitter and Facebook with cheers and hugs as well as photos for inspiration, laughs, and kitteh funyou have my gratitude and love.

Hugs to Robyn Peterman for the generous gift of Frank. Frank, without you, this book would have been years in arriving. Bless you both.

Cheers to my editor for dropping everything to get Master Sams story off to a quick release date.

And, as always and for always, to my wonderful husband for his enduring patience and love.

Chapter One

Linda grabbed the chair arm of the witness stand, fighting to pull in a breath. Under her silk blouse, sweat dampened her back, and black spots danced at the edge of her vision. As her knees threatened to buckle, she tightened her grip on the curved wood. Will. Not. Show. Weakness. Another breath. She pretended to look around, stalling and hoping shed be able to walk.

Whispers skittered around the courtroom, but the jurors were silent, watching her with concern. The white-haired grocers expression was outragedfor her. The tiny housewife wiped tears from her face.

The prosecuting attorney stepped forward to help, but the jurys warmth had put strength back into Lindas body. She straightened, stepped down, and her legs held. Thank you, God. Surely she could walk to the door.

She glanced at the defense attorney and his clientthe balding, older man in his European-cut suit and diamond-encrusted watchwho was on trial for the murder of a nineteen-year-old college student.

Holly had been kidnapped. Enslaved like Linda.

Linda swallowed hard. Shed held the sweet-faced girl as shed cried for her mother. Shed told her it would be all right. Shed lied. When the FBI raided an auction, freeing the slaves, it had been far too late for Holly.

The bastard sitting there so smugly had whipped her to death.

As Linda walked past, his patronizing gaze slid down her body, making her shudder and remember her own screams. Unable to escape, unable to fight. Beaten. Raped. She already felt dirty all the way to her core; his stare added another layer of filth. Ignoring the bile burning her throat, she forced herself to give him a dismissive look. Testifying had required all her strength, but shed done what shed come here to do. Chin up, head held high, she strode toward the exit.

The sandy-haired FBI agent, Vance Buchanan, waited there. Well done, he said in a low voice. Only a few steps farther. He reached out to assist her.

She flinched away.

As his hand dropped and he opened the door, she cursed herself for showing weakness. But shed been a slave. She didnt want to be touched.

After the overcrowded courtroom, the fresh air in the hallway was bracing, and then suddenly too cold. Her legs went boneless, and she dropped with a jarring thump onto the wooden bench. When she pushed her hands between her knees to hide the trembling, it only made the shaking of her knees more obvious. The dancing black spots had returned. Lovely.

You did great, Linda. Vances voice was washed away by her pounding pulse, and she

Goddamn fool, shes shocky. A voice from her dreams grated across her nerves, snapping her into the present. The bench squeaked a complaint as someone sat beside her. Arms closed around her, trapping her.

No! She shoved at his wide shoulders, panic rising like a flood tide.

Dont move, girl. You need to be held. Slap me later. The rough growl of Sams voice was the rumble of an 18-wheeler carrying a truckload of safety.

Not trapped. Sheltered. He was warmso, so warm. She sagged against him. I hate you.

That a girl. Take a break for a second. You earned it.

His chest was a brick wall, his arms iron bands, not comfortable in the least. Her body didnt care, more secure than in the long, long months since shed been freed from the slavers. With Sams arms around her, nothing would hurt her.

Except him.

What are you doing here, Davies? Vance asked.

Kim told me the asshole whod killed their friend was being tried. I figured this one would testify. The silence that followed sounded accusing.

Vance sighed. Linda didnt want to see you.

Yep. I can see that. The dryness in the gravelly voice came through loud and clear.

When had she put her arms around his waist? She was gripping him as if he were a lifeline over an abyss. Her arms loosened.

His tightened. One more minute, missy. Be a shame not to get your strength back before you bust my chops.

Another minute soundedjust right. As she rested her cheek against his chest, the lazy lub-dub of his heart tried to coax hers into slowing. His soft cotton shirt smelled of the outdoors, of hay and leather and sun. So very different from the stench of fear and sex. Of pain. Her stomach clenched.

He gave a hissing sound of annoyance.

She looked up.

In a face tanned to old leather, his eyes were a startling pale blue. His silvering hair needed a trim. Whatever youre thinking, stop. He curved a hand over her nape and tucked her head back under his chin.

Okay. For a few more seconds, shed What in the world was she doing? I hate this man. As her mind cleared, she tried to push away. Dont touch me.

He grunted as if shed hit him, and released her instantly.

Expecting to see amusement in his gaze, she saw only concern. It didnt matter. She rose to her feet, rattled when he did the same. But he was the kind of man whod observe that old-fashioned courtesy. A gentleman sadist. His aura of confidenceand menacewas disconcerting. She took a step away from him.

Distance didnt help. He trapped her easily with the power of his gaze, his posture, his voice. I want you to call me.

No, she whispered, unable to give her refusal the strength it deserved. I dont want to see you. The one hour of knowing him had been enough for her. Hed seen right to her core, and shed learned how deep humiliation could go.

His hard mouth tightened, but he merely tapped her chin with a finger. Submissives dont get what they want. They get what they need. He might as well have said the rest of what he was thinking: And you need me.

But she didnt. She wouldnt.

* * *

Sam left his battered truck in the parking lot and strode across the street to the small city park. Beyond the palms lining the entrance, massive live oak trees cast dark pools of shade. The air was cool with a slight crispness. Almost into February, Tampa still had a few months before the daily rains would send the humidity to sauna-like levels.

He spotted Nolan King on a picnic bench across the green swath of grass. Sam glanced at his watch. Late. Lindas testimony had lasted longer than hed planned.

As Sam sidestepped a toddler chasing a beach ball, her mother on a park bench gave him a sharp look. He approved of her vigilance. The world held too many monsters. But Sam wasnt someone she needed to worry about. He might be a sadist, but he only played consensual games.

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