Jim Burnett - Hey Ranger 2: More True Tales of Humor and Misadventure from the Great Outdoors

Jim Burnett

Copyright 2007 by Jim Burnett

First Taylor Trade Publishing edition 2007

This Taylor Trade Publishing paperback edition of Hey Ranger 2 is an original publication. It is published by arrangement with the author.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

Published by Taylor Trade Publishing

An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706

Estover Road, Plymouth PL6 7PY, United Kingdom

Distributed by NATIONAL BOOK NETWORK

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Burnett, Jim.

Hey ranger 2 : more true tales of humor & misadventure from the great outdoors / Jim Burnett.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-13: 978-1-58979-329-3 (pbk. : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-58979-329-3 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. National parks and reservesUnited StatesAnecdotes. 2. Outdoor lifeUnited StatesAnecdotes. 3. AccidentsUnited StatesAnecdotes. 4. National parks and reservesUnited StatesHumor. 5. Outdoor lifeUnited StatesHumor. 6. AccidentsUnited StatesHumor. 7. Burnett, JimAnecdotes. 8. Park rangersUnited StatesBiographyAnecdotes. 9. United StatesDescription and travelAnecdotes. I. Title. II. Title: Hey ranger two.

E160.B775 2007

333.78'30973dc22

2006100995

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

At this moment all across America and around the world, people are involved in an incredible variety of activities in the Great Outdoors. Whether its a picnic or stroll in a park close to home, a weekend of camping or boating, a backcountry expedition to a remote wilderness area, or any of a host of other outdoor pursuits, spending some time close to nature seems like a fun and healthy idea. After all, what could possibly go wrong on a nice outing to a park or other recreation area?

As the stories on the following pages confirm, the answer isprobably more than you could ever imagine!

Perhaps youor someone you knowhas taken such a trip, one that just didnt work out quite the way it was planned. If thats the case, youre in good company. Last year there were about 273 million visits to Americas national parks alone, not to mention countless excursions to other federal, state, and local public lands. When that many people come into close contact with Mother Nature, its inevitable that some of those adventures will take an unexpected turn.

Once the excitement is over, many of those situations have a humorous side, and in their aftermath park rangers have been saying for years, Somebody really ought to write a book! During three decades as a ranger at eight national parks all across the U.S., I came in contact with literally thousands of everyday Americans in an amazing variety of situations, and some of these encounters were shared in Hey Ranger! True Tales of Humor and Misadventure from Americas National Parks. That book was published in 2005, and its wonderful reception has led to this sequel, which contains additional entertaining stories from national parks and other recreation areas around the country and beyondeven as far away as Australia.

For the benefit of those of you who havent read the previous Hey Ranger! a little explanation of the title is in order. Rangers all over the world are frequently greeted by the phrase Hey Ranger! but the way those two little words are spoken can convey an amazing variety of meanings. Depending upon the circumstances, those can range from a simple Hi, how are you? to a frantic Help, come quick! Sometimes theres a definite tone of surprise, which translates into Oops, I sure didnt expect to see you here! In many cases, what is said or happens next can turn a rangers day from a routine to a memorable one, and youll find some amusing and sometimes incredible examples recorded in the following pages.

The job of a park ranger can be both challenging and deadly serious at times, and outdoor mishaps occasionally have dire consequences. Its not my intention to minimize those realities, but this subject has already been well covered by a number of other writers. In both the original Hey Ranger! and in this sequel, Ive chosen to take a totally different approach and look at the lighter side of life in the parks.

This book is written in an informal, conversational style, and each chapter is its own stand-alone story, so you can read it a bit at a time, whenever youre ready for an entertaining break from your daily routine. Some of the characters in these true tales have narrow escapes, but everybody survives in the end, so the result is fun, family-friendly reading that everyone from veteran outdoorsmen to armchair travelers can enjoy.

Since these are true stories, many of the names in this book have been changed in deference to both the guilty and the innocent. A number of readers of my first book and my fellow rangers responded to an invitation to submit their own favorite anecdotes for this sequel, and in those cases their real names have been used to give credit where its certainly dueunless they preferred to remain anonymous.

Some of you may have occasionally envied the experiences of the men and women who get to work and perhaps live in a park. After all, who wouldnt enjoy a career at some of the most scenic and historic locations in America? At first glance it looks pretty inviting: spend your days floating the river, hiking the trails, talking to visitors, or patrolling the campground. Like any other profession, however, theres a lot more to rangering than first meets the eye, and these stories also include some behind-the-scenes glimpses at a few humorous aspects of the job.

For sake of simplicity, Ive used the word park throughout the book to refer to the whole range of public parks and recreation areas, regardless of which agency operates a site or whether its at the federal, state, or local level. If you were to consult a list of all of the official designations for those areas, youd quickly find that its a veritable jungle out there, so Ill just make it easy for you and well avoid getting lost in that maze of titles.

The writer Charles Dickens noted, Accidents will occur in the best regulated families. Accidents will also sometimes occur on the best regulated outdoor trips, but thats often the way it is with misadventures in the Great Outdoorsthey seem to have a way of sneaking up on you, usually at very inconvenient times.

The cover of this book aptly illustrates that mishaps can also result from actions as well as accidents. Look before you leap is useful advice only if the individual involved is wise enough to conclude that leaping may not be the best idea after all! As youll discover on the following pages, some people seem determined to confirm an observation by the eighteenth-century author Charles de Montesquieu: When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.