Joy Masoff - Oh, Yuck!: The Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty

Oh, Yuck!

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF EVERYTHING NASTY

BY JOY MASOFF
Illustrated by Terry Sirrell

Copyright 2000 by Joy Masoff
Illustrations copyright by Terry Sirrell
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproducedmechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopyingwithout written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Masoff, Joy, 1951

Oh yuck!: the encyclopedia of everything nasty/by Joy Masoff; illustrations by Terry Sirrell.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p.) and index.

Summary: An alphabetical collection of articles about disgusting things, from acne, ants, and bacteria to worms, x-periments, and zits.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7611-0771-2; ISBN-10: 0-7611-0771-1

1. Handbooks, vade-mecums, etc.---Juvenile literature.2.

Aversion--Miscellaneous--Encyclopedias, Juvenile. 3. Aversion--Encyclopedias, Juvenile. [1. Curiosities and wonders.] I. Title: Encyclopedia of everything nasty. II. Sirrell, Terry, ill. III. Title

AG105 .M428 2000
031.02dc21

99-043603

Front cover and spine photography by Graham French, www.grahamfrench.com Photo research and editing: Alexandra Truitt and Jerry Marshall Illustrations by Terry Sirrell

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This Is Dedicated to the Ones I Love

F or many years, as a den leader and pack-master of Cub Scout Troop 154, I had the pleasure of listening to a nonstop barrage of belching accompanied by the fragrant aroma of farting. I heard endless discussions about who had lost their lunch at lunch and other delicate subjects. It became painfully obvious to me that these items were of actual interest to kids. And is not just a guy thing, as I discovered when I became the leader of Girl Scout Troop 2340. The girls can belch with the best of them!

So I dedicate this compendium of crud to all those sweet boys and girls and especially to my own children, Alex and Natasha (Tish) Scolnik, who never cease to amaze me with their appetite for knowledge of the bizarre. Thanks also to my husband, Lou, who endured countless gross dinner conversations that sometimes made eating tricky.

I could not have written this book without the help of Pamela Adler Golden, a tireless and zealous researcher, who uncovered an awesome pile of putrid facts and made this book such great fun to work on. She was truly my partner in slime!

Also, a thousand pats on the back to Dr. Peter Richel, wacky, wild, and completely body savvy when it comes to medical matters.

Kudos as well to Margot Herrera and Tim Prairie, my editors at Workman, for their patience and their ability to discuss the ins-and-outs of fungus with complete aplomb. Thanks also to designers Lisa Hollander and Kristen Nobles for bringing the grisly side of life so vividly to the page.

And now, I think Ill go clean my ears and pick the lint out of my belly button!

Warning: This Book Is Downright Disgusting

Look Out Below, Your Zits About to Blow!

Some of These Creepy Crawlies Are No Picnic

The Good, the Bad, and the Stinky

Its a Bird! Its a Plane! Its a Fuzzy Mammal?

The Things That Go CRUNCH in the Night

How Something so Gross Can Be so Good

Would You Like Toe Jam with Your Toast?

I Sweat Therefore I Stink

A Belch Is Born

Let Them EatFred?

Or, How to Live for 135 Million Years on a Diet of Pure Garbage

From King of the World to Swamp Thing

Snow for All Seasons

Great Big Gobs of Brownish Gunk

Waiter, Theres Some Soup in My Bug!

Slithery, Slimy Swarms of Fish

Mr. Sandman, Meet Mr. Mucus

A Burp from Below

This Joint Is Jumping!

Puking and Peeing: A Day in the Life of a Fly

A Step in the Wrong Direction

Swim or Be Swallowed

Outfits Wackier than Your Great-Aunt Idas

Theres a Fungus Among Us!

If You Think Broccoli Is Bad

Wake Up and Smell the Stench

To Buzz or Not to Buzz

Put on Your Pantyhose and Dive In!

A Blood Buffet

Too Much Attention Can Go to Your Head

Relax, Take Your Tail Off

Decaying Dead Deer? Dinnertime!!

A Soda, Some Fries, and a Double Eyeball Burger with Cheese

Mighty Microscopic Munchers

A Midsummer Nights Scream

This Will Only Hurt for a Second

Are You My Mummy?

Rough, Tough, and in the Buff

Guess Whos Coming to Dinner

They Call Me Mellow Yellow

A Bum Deal

Green, Goopy, and Good for You Too!

Im Sinking and I Cant Get Up!

Long-tailed, Sharp Toothed Disease Buses

Todays Specials: Totally Nasty

A Crusty Coat of Armor

Mini-Monsters of the Night

A Nightmare for Your Noggin

This Chapter Is Not for the Faint of Tummy

Rashes, Blisters, and Warts. Oh My!

A Putrescent Perfume

Confessions of a Naked Snail

Do the Fang Tango

You May Think Its Candy, but Its Snot

Theyre Not All Itsy-Bitsy!

Welcome to Loogie Land

Stuck in a Rut

A Bunch of Suckers

A Royal Flush

Fearsome Flowers and Vindictive Vines

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Bring Along a Barf BagThis Is Gross!

Chow Time at the Roadkill Caf

Spaghetti That Squirms

Making Muck of Your Very Own

Whats more fun than farting, burping, and picking your nose? Reading about farting, burping, and picking your noseplus a few hundred other truly disgusting things. In fact, if its mushy, squishy, or just plain revolting, youll find it in these pages.

Lets face it. The world is brimming over with truly gnarly, nasty things. Acne and ants. Barf and bats. Cannibals and cockroaches. And thats just the A, B, and C of it. Theres a whole alphabet of nastiness out there and its all in here. Best of all, this book will teach you all the scientific facts about this nastiness so you can dazzle your friends and relatives when having a conversation about, say, pooping or maggots.

Chances are that this child will follow his nose mining with nose dining. Crusty snotyum!

WARNING

THIS BOOK IS DOWNRIGHT DISGUSTING

Is that dandruff flaking down onto your shoulders? And how about those ears? What is that yellow-brown gunk caught in the folds? Nose? Well, who hasnt poked around in there with the tip of a finger. Mouth? Handy to have as long as you dont breathe on someone first thing in the morning. And elsewhere your belly button is full of lint, your toes have all this strange stuff lurking between them, and we havent even