Marlin Bree - The Dangerous Book for Boaters: A Humorous Waterfront Guide to the Ways & Wiles of Boaters

BOATING BOOKS
BY MARLIN BREE WAKE OF THE
GREEN STORM
A Survivors Tale IN THE TEETH
OF THE NORTHEASTER
A Solo Voyage on Lake Superior CALL OF THE
NORTH WIND
Voyages and Adventures on Lake Superior BOAT LOG
& RECORD
A Practical Record Keeper for You and Your Boat BROKEN SEAS
True Tales of Extraordinary
Seafaring Adventures BY GERRY SPIESS WITH MARLIN BREE
A LONE AGAINST
THE ATLANTIC THE DANGEROUS BOOK FOR BOATERS Copyright 2009
By Marlin Bree Illustrations by Marlin Bree Cover design by digdesign THE DANGEROUS BOOK FOR BOATERS : Published by Marlor Press, Inc. All rights reserved including all under International and Pan American copyright conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, electronic or mechanical, including e-mail, photocopy, recording, or any storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, Marlor Press, Inc., except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper or for broadcast. ISBN-13: 9781892147158 Printed in the United States of America First Edition Distributed to the book trade in the USA by Independent Publishers Group, Chicago MARLOR PRESS, INC.
4304 Brigadoon Drive
SaintPaul, MN 55126 The two stages of seasicknessStage 1In the beginning, you re afraid you re going to die Stage 2 Then you re afraid that you wont * * * East is east, west is west. When youre seasick, downwind is bestUp to the lips, over the gums, look out fishes, here it comes * * * Bring that up again and well vote on it DO NOT FEED THE FISH * * * Dont worry about dying. Thats the last thing youll do * * * Try to avoid technicolor yawns Four degrees of seasickness SEASICK TERMINOLOGYBARF A nautical term for an impressive gastro rejection.

Also known as tossing the cookies, feeding the fishes, marinating the mermaids, and seasoning the seagulls. DOWNWIND RAIL Where an experienced barfer goes. Not to be confused with the upwind rail, which can be altogether a different rejection. GANGWAY A traditional nautical cry before barfing. HEAVE, HO! What happens if you are impeded by someone on your way to the downwind rail and have cried gangway. ROMANCE AND THE SEASICK SAILOR Forget about it * * * Some good advice for curing seasickness Youll feel better if you sit under a tree (Advice offered to green rookies by Lord Admiral Nelson, Englands most famous sailor, who was a notorious vomiter every time he went to sea)

The marine head : A small, enclosed room into which you somehow fit yourself atop a small, porcelain throne.

Cunningly constructed with sound-transmitting walls and a door with open louvers so that the whole world knows what youre up to. The walls do not have ears, but everyone else does * * * Aim to please and please aim * * * TAKING A TINKLEWe dont talk that way on my boat * * * Head signThe end is nearTinkle, tinkle, little star. Aim downwind if you want to go far * * * Correct method of whizzing downwind Better aim, Less splatter, Makes cleanup An easier matter * * * ADVICE FOR MALE BOATERSStand up, Sit down. Do your business, But not all aroundMARINE HEAD DEFINITIONS & RULES HEADA part of a boat designed to take on waterRIGHT OF WAYThe Captain gets the first crack at the headMUTINYNautical term invoked by the crew immediately after the invocation of Right of WayMARTIAL LAWThe captains spouse always goes firstFear not the marine head. Would you rather whiz over the rail instead? * * * I went to the head and nearly fell in. Why wasnt the seat down like it shoulda been? * * * Two heads are better than one.

Especially if ones always in use * * * Remember that you can always turn the other cheek

THE CAPTAINThe spiritual and intellectual leader of the vessel. Imbued from birth with unfaltering sea sense and unfailing judgement. A boater of great wisdom, some of which is occasionally dispensed to the grateful crew. * * * The Captain may not always be right, might be a little cranky at times, even rude, but is never, ever