Joseph Rev Run Simmons - Old School Love: And Why It Works

Contents

We dedicate this book to Justines mom, Susan Young, who recently passed, for her everlasting love and support for the two of us and for teaching us so much about life.

Contents

T HIS IS A BOOK ABOUT LOVE.

G OOD LOVE . K IND LOVE . R ESPECTFUL LOVE . M ESSY LOVE . G ENUINE LOVE . P OWERFUL LOVE . E NDURING LOVE . G ENEROUS LOVE . T RUSTING LOVE . C OMMUNICATING LOVE . S ELFLESS LOVE . R OMANTIC LOVE . T OUGH LOVE .

F AITHFUL LOVE . L ASTING LOVE . P ROTECTIVE LOVE . G ROWN-UP LOVE .

M AGICAL LOVE .

O LD S CHOOL L OVE .

IN 1994 WE SAID: I do.

In 2018 we said: Lets do it.

WE HAD AN IDEA for a bookone we hoped would inspire and move folks. Its the story of what we have created together through all these years of marriageour family, our careers, our legacy.

Everything weve built is made up of lovespecifically, Old School Love.

Yes, our love story is a fairy tale.

Weve been married since 1994, a quarter of a century. We have seen it all, heard it all, and now we want to share it all.

Too many couples can barely make it through a year; some last only a month. Many dont view marriage as a lifetime commitmentinstead of seeing it as a vow to a lifetime of mutual growth, love, and support, they see it as something to do for now. Something to do on a whim, or between tweets.

We have noticed that many couples throw in the towel when things get a bit rough, when life throws them a few curveballs, when their vows become too much of a burdentoo much of a burden to carry out or carry through.

We fell head-over-heels for each other a long time ago, when we were just kids, and then life happenedand then it conspired to bring us back together. Since then, weve learned so much about carrying someone else. We have gone through so much togethergrand times, amazing times, and times that have tested our faith and our hearts.

Its in the toughest moments that you need to remember to live your vows, and remember why you took them. Believe us, those times show uplike the death of our beloved baby girl, Victoria Ann, and the recent passing of Justines dear mom, who was battling cancer but died unexpectedly from pneumonia.

What you need to know from the outset is that were two imperfect people. We bicker and we disagree; were both strong-willed and strong-minded; were opinionated and passionate about our needs and desires, but our love is stronger and more beautiful for the wear.

We try our best to be nonjudgmental, to forgive each other; to say Im sorry as often as neededand saying I love you is needed often. We know from experience that harsh words are sometimes said in a heated moment, and we have learned through trial and tribulation that words have consequences but that an action taken out of love leaves a lasting impression.

There is a saying that goes something like this: The greater the obstacle the greater the joy. Patience is a virtue. You cant have a gorgeous garden or gorgeous flowers without getting down in the dirt; and marriage, well, thats the dirt; its where you get to plant and sow, weed and prune; its the witnessing of a seed blossoming.

MARRIAGE IS WORK. Some days its filled to the brim with joy and laughter and lots of good food, and some days... some days its hard work, its woe is me work, its can we really do this another day, another week? work.

But nobody ever said that marriage was easy. Nobody. And chances are if they did, they are no longer married. Theyre sitting in some bar or a coffee shop or a diner bemoaning the end of a relationship that more than likely had many, many opportunities for improvement. Thats because they forgot to read the fine print in the marriage manual.

It is in the fine print that it says: Marriage takes work, but it is so worth it.

Theres no way around doing the work, and the work is what brings you closer together. The work is what teaches you about compromising, about forgiveness, about speaking up, about letting go of what no longer serves you, about compassion and generosity and good love, strong love, successful love. The work is what teaches you how to love better, how to be kinder, how to stop needing to be the center of attention and start paying attention to what and who is right in front of you.

Doing the work is what keeps the proverbial flame alive and burning bright, even if it seems to be only a flicker.

This book is a tool for folksfor you, the readersto get to where were at after all these years together. This book is to help you shorten that distance, and to share the lessons we wish wed known sooner. We figure we have some wisdom to impart, some experiences to share, and some stories that you will relate to.

We believe we have the tools and the knowledge and the deep passion to inspire you, to encourage you, to instill some hope about this crazy thing called love. All different kinds of love, and the wisdom weve learned from each one.

Our greatest hope is that you will read through this book and find a chapter, or a paragraph, or even a sentence, that will stick to your ribs; something that will make you think a little bit differently about what youre doing or saying, so youll possibly react a little less emotionally during a disagreement, find some beauty in the midst of an argument, see the tremendous value of creating projects together, understand the importance of compassion and kindness and generosity when youre dealing with your children.

This book has been an extraordinary collaborative effort, a grand effort, and we are so grateful to have the opportunity to share our stories and our lives with you so you can become one with the words.

Marriage isnt perfect, but it is perfectly wonderful, and Old School Love is the most wonderful thing of all.

Rev Run & Justine Simmons

Rev

For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.

HEBREWS 3:4

I WAS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD, and fifteen minutes from my house in Hollis, Queens, was a neighborhood called Jamaica Estates.

It was the kind of place that a teenager living in a working-class home could only dream about.

I thought everything about that place was perfect: how some of the houses sat on hills, and some of the houses had white pillars that made them even more intimidating. Some of the houses had gates, and some of them had the kind of landscaping that made you just stand in awe at the beauty.

I liked walking in this neighborhood, and in particular I liked to walk past this home that sat on a hill overlooking the Grand Central Parkway. It had boxwood shrubs lined all the way up the entrance stairs, and the yard was full of flowers bursting with color.

The legend goes that the owner of the house had flowers planted in honor of his wife, ones that would always be in bloom on Mothers Day. I dont know if that story is true, but I like the love behind it, I like the sentiment.

I remember one day I was walking past the house, I thought to myself that this was as good a time as any to talk to God, to ask for a sign. Because you know kids at fourteen, fifteen, we need signs, we need answers, we need something to tell us if were going in the right direction.

So I stopped and I said aloud, If a leaf falls right now, its Gods sign that Im going to get this house one day.

At that very momentthat very momenta leaf fell from a tree.

I wrote a letter, and that letter said: Dear Sir, I love your home, I will buy this house one day.

I hurried up the stairs, rang the bell, and I handed the note to the man who answered the door; maybe it was the owner of the house, maybe it was someone who worked for him. And being fourteen, well, that was more than enough courage to muster for one day.