Arthur Murray - Arthur Murrays Popularity Book: Vintage Advice and Wisdom from The Greatest Generation

You are not born with it. Its something you can acquire through conscious effort and personal honesty.

by A. H. Kulikowton
Condensed from OPPORTUNITY MAGAZINE

A LL KINDS of books on how to develop your personality are pouring from the presses today. Writers everywhere are turning out articles on personality development. Hundreds of teachers are giving personality courses. More than 500,000 Americans are enrolled in personality schools. And yet

No two authorities seem to agree on what personality is. One writer says that personality consists of those qualities which mark you off from other men, which make you stand out in a crowd. Another writer takes the opposite view. Personality, he says, consists in the characteristics which make. you one of a group, an easy mixer, a good fellow among other good fellows.

One writer says that you must learn to dramatize yourself. Another insists that you must subordinate yourself, and display an interest only in the other fellow, if you want to make him like you. One man lays down rules for personality development. Another insists that there are no rules except: Be yourself.

Now lets see, what are the facts?

The facts seem to be that all these points of view are right, and no one of them is completely right. Personality is a broad and inclusive term. Many apparently contradictory statementsall of them truecan be made about it. Personality is not a simple quality; it is a paradox. For example:

Here is a woman who most of us would agree has either an unpleasant personality or no personality at all. By that we mean that she does not impress us at all or that we dislike her. And why do we dislike her? Because, we say, she is shy. She is introverted. She is self-centered. She is riddled by inhibitions. In short, she wont meet us half-way to establish a friendship. But now look at her side of the story

Why is she shy, introverted, ill at ease? Why wont she meet our friendly gestures half-way? Because she knowsor believesthat people do not like her. She avoids as many human contacts as she can because she is afraid that she will fail to make the right impression. Yet it is her fear-and in many cases her fear alonethat prevents her being well liked.

The way out of that paradox is simple. Get over the fear of being disliked and you wont be disliked. The cure is to remove the cause. Get over your shyness and people will like you. And knowing that people will like you, you can easily get over your shyness.

Heres another paradox. We say one man has a good personality because hes the kind of person wed like to have as a friend. We like the way he talks and acts, the stories he tells, the smile he wears, the way he does business. And, on the other hand, we say another man has a fine personality because of the way he treats us. If he is interested in us and our problems, if he lets us take the center of the stage, if he permits us to expand and to show ourselves at our best, we think far more of him. Thus on the one hand personality depends on the kind of a man he shows himself to be, and on the other hand on the way he treats us. Which is the secret of personality?

Neitherand both. A man with a good personality must be both interesting and interested in usgenuinely interesting and genuinely interested. Its that one word genuinely that makes all the difference. A man may wear the broadest smile and tell the most thrilling tales of his own experiences, and yet if we feel that he is being insincere or affected, we tend to dislike him.

Similarly, he may show the greatest interest in us, our families, our interests, our stories, and if we feel that his interest is forced, assumed or artificial, we instinctively shy away from him. Only the man who can treat himself and us as well in a genuine, straightforward, open way can be said to have a good personality. If he is being honest with himself and with us, we dont care whether it is himself he dramatizes or us.

And there seems to be a third paradox about personality. Each of us wants to be personable, to be able to make friends and to influence others. But isnt it also true that we want to avoid being influenced by others, especially by their personality? If we choose a doctor, dont we want the most capable doctor, not the most likeable? And if we are buying goods, dont we want to buy from the man with the best merchandise, not from the man with the most glowing personality?

At first glance that seems true; but I dont think it really is. A doctor without personality, one who simply prescribes in a cold-blooded and disinterested way, isnt going to inspire faith and confidence in his patient. Without faith and confidence, the patient isnt going to follow instructions. It isnt likely that he will recover quickly. On the other hand, the doctor with a real personality, able to inspire confidence and able to interest people, will have his instructions obeyed more easily. More of his patients will recover. Hes the better doctor.

The same is true of salesmen. The salesman with inferior merchandise cant be friendly and open-hearted. If he doesnt believe in his own product, he cant persuade others to believe in it. He may fool us when we are off our guard, but if we watch closely, we can tell a great deal about a mans product through his sincerity-in other words, his personality. Moreover, the friendly man with the broad smile and charming personality is one from whom we are most likely to get service or adjustments if they are necessary. We feel confident of this.

Cultivating your personality means merely making yourself more likeable, making yourself into the kind of man or woman more people would like to have as a friend. Personality is not, therefore, something you are born with; its something you can acquire through conscious effort and personal honesty. Get over your shyness; be yourself. You can do it, and you must do it if you want to be happy, make friends, and succeed. That is the reliable and sure way to personalityone which will be as natural to you as your own face!

Who keeps in mind that a little credit is a dangerous thing.

Who is able both to mend her husbands clothes and his ways.

Who has learned the paradox that to have joy one must give it.

Who can tell the difference between her first child and a genius.

Who most admires those eyes which belong to a man who understands her.

Who acknowledges the allowance made by her husband by making allowances for him.

Who appreciates that the largest room in any house is that left for self-improvement.

Who manages to keep not only her house and her temper, but her servants and her figure as well.

Who can distinguish between the laugh of amusement and the one meant to show off a dimpleAdapted from Nancy Craigs Woman of Tomorrow Program over NBC.

More than mascara should meet the eye of anyone who looks at you. Your eyes are a mirror and to be alluring they should reflect your personality