Connor Beaton - Mens Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom

Praise for Mens Work

Every now and then I come across a book that triggers a voice in my head that proclaims, Damn, I wish I had written thisthis is really good. My book-envy short list just grew by one more title: Mens Work. With this watershed book, Connor Beaton accomplishes the Herculean taskadvanced by the forefathers of the modern mens movement: Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell, and Robert Blyof creating an actionable game plan for alchemizing mens confusion, anger, and general male stupidity into purpose, healing, and mastery. From the Introduction on, Mens Work grabbed me by the mind, heart, and balls, and didnt let go. I am grateful to call Connor a friend, and I am even more grateful for the immeasurable gift he has given men and mankind with this book.

Dr. Robert Glover

author of No More Mr. Nice Guy

Having known and worked with Connor throughout his journey, I can unequivocally say that this is the book every man needs. Connor does a beautiful job of inviting and leading us through our pain and back into our hearts. He reminds us that our darkness is to be embraced, not avoided.

Mark Groves

human connection specialist and founder of Create The Love

In Mens Work, Connor Beaton eloquently illuminates the path for men to find deep healing and true freedom in their lives. A heavy burden is placed on men in our culture, and without guidance, they often suffer in silence. Connor is an incredible teacher and true alchemisttaking his own pain, sitting with it, and lovingly pouring the wisdom he gained from his own personal journey into this book so that others do the same. Mens Work is a heros journey that I highly recommend to anyone looking to create a more peaceful, fulfilled life of purpose.

Dr. Nicole LePera

New York Times bestselling author of How to Do the Work

Connor Beaton is truly one of the most valuable voices on comprehensive manhood today. His passionate but straightforward approach brilliantly unearths the excuses and vices that inhibit broken men from becoming whole. Mens Work is a powerful guide that will help men introspectively navigate to the healing they desire and deserve.

Jason Wilson

author of Cry Like a Man

Connor Beaton

Sounds True

Boulder, CO 80306

2023 Connor Beaton

Sounds True is a trademark of Sounds True, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author and publisher.

Published 2023

Book design by Charli Barnes

BK06518

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Beaton, Connor, author.

Title: Mens work : a practical guide to face your darkness, end self-sabotage, and find freedom / by Connor Beaton.

Description: Boulder, CO : Sounds True, 2023. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022040399 (print) | LCCN 2022040400 (ebook) | ISBN 9781683649908 (hardback) | ISBN 9781683649915 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Self-acceptance. | Masculinity. | Affirmations. | Interpersonal relations.

Classification: LCC BF637.S4 B39529 2023 (print) | LCC BF637.S4 (ebook) | DDC 158.1--dc23/eng/20220921

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022040399

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022040400

For my two favorite stubborn hearts: my wife, Vienna, and my son, Code. You are the light guiding me on my path.

Before you begin this journey, I thought it necessary to make a few things clear.

First, this is not my attempt to tell you what masculinity is, or how you should be as a manalthough you may gain deep clarity about your own answers to these questions because of this work.

Second, over the past few decades, people have been talking about broken men, toxic masculinity, the crisis of masculinity, and countless other conversations all implying that men, collectively, have gone astray or are broken. Men are asked to change, be better, and heal with little to no direction outside of be more vulnerable.

After years of my own development and nearly a decade of working with a multitude of men from around the globe, I began to see that there is a certain kind of intensity that lives within men that we have largely forgotten how to navigate. An intensity of pain, confusion, rage, fear, and grief that so many men carry but have not been shown how to integrate and leverage for our benefit and the benefit of the collective. An intensity that society largely rejects, ignores, or doesnt want to deal with, and that we as men have forgotten how to carry.

That is the aim of this book. To bring you into contact with your own intensity and pain so you can work with it. To help you learnregardless of your faith, sexual orientation, or ethnicityhow to heal and be with the intensity of your own experience as a man.

I also want to emphasize that there are countless forms, versions, and aspects to mens work and that this is only one part of it. I dont claim to speak for all men doing this kind of work and am not so ignorant as to pretend like this is the only path. What follows is the work I had to engage in and the work I have brought countless men through. It is meant to be a guide for you as a man to step into your power through the door of healing.

Lastly, while I have tried to include as many experiences as humanly possible, I am sure I have left many out. While this book is unapologetically for men and is often geared toward male-female relationships, I try, where applicable, to include a range of sexual orientations. After working with men from countless walks of life, my intention is always to be as comprehensive as possible. If you find yourself feeling excluded, my suggestion is to move away from focusing on the external details of one mans story or background and return to the internal dynamics that connect us all.

There appears to be a conscience in mankind which severely punishes the man who does not somehow and at some time, at whatever cost to his pride, cease to defend and assert himself, and instead confess himself fallible and human.

Carl Jung

The work of men begins with pain.

How are we as men to reconcile the sheer drive and determination we feel stirring in our souls with the intense confusion, anger, and emotional bleeding-out we can often feel?

Said more directly, how do we as men tune ourselves for something more than optimal performance in the boardroom or bedroom and overcome what stands in our way? How do we design within us a compass that can lead us through lifes most violent storms? A compass that leads us toward depthdepth of experience, fulfillment, and purpose?

How do we as men develop self-leadership?

In order to do so, most men will, at some point, have to cross the threshold into the underworld of their own pain and come to grips with the following:

• I am a man who has been abused.
• I am a man who has abused others.

Or said another way:

• I am a man who is hurting or has been hurt.
• I am a man who has hurt others or is hurting others.