Alex R Holmes - Time to Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection

TIME TO TALK

The most important journey we must all take is the journey from our head to our heart and I honour Alex for his contribution in creating a safe space for men to do so. Thank you, Alex! Richie Bostock, The Breath Guy

An invaluable primer for young men seeking a sense of identity and making sense of the world... Time to Talk is a timely and courageous offering.

Malcolm Stern, Co-founder of Alternatives, psychotherapist and author of Slay Your Dragons with Compassion

A thoughtful, honest, helpful book on mental health, masculinity myths and the problem with manning up. Alex has created a much needed space of community and compassion. A wonderful book on a topic that will help us all. Emma Gannon, writer, broadcaster and bestselling author

I long for a world in which all men are as curious, brave, and rigorous in the work of exploring and tending to their mental landscape, as Alex Holmes is. I believe reading this beautiful, thoughtful book will gently guide men who want to start on that journey.

Henry James Garrett, illustrator and author of This Book Will Make You Kinder

A timely and truly important book that will no doubt help countless men.

Shahroo Izadi, Behavioural Change Specialist and author of The Kindness Method

A really important book that every man should read. An extremely honest and vulnerable exploration of what it means to be a man, with some excellent advice and tips on how we can evolve to a more positive form of masculinity. I absolutely loved it.

Daniele Fiandaca, Co-founder of Utopia and Token Man

TIME TO TALK

How Men Feel About Love,
Belonging and Connection

BY ALEX HOLMES

A Trigger Book
Published by Welbeck Balance
An imprint of Welbeck Publishing Group
20 Mortimer Street
London W1T 3JW

First published by Welbeck Balance in 2021

Copyright Alex Holmes, 2021

Alex Holmes has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988,
to be identified as the Author of this work.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronically, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owners and the publishers.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

eBook ISBN 9781789562224

Note/Disclaimer
Welbeck Balance encourages diversity and different viewpoints. However, all views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this book are the authors own and are not necessarily representative of Welbeck Publishing Group as an organisation. All material in this book is set out in good faith for general guidance; no liability can be accepted for loss or expense incurred in following the information given. In particular, this book is not intended to replace expert medical or psychiatric advice. It is intended for informational purposes only and for your own personal use and guidance. It is not intended to diagnose, treat or act as a substitute for professional medical advice. The author is not a medical practitioner nor a counsellor, and professional advice should be sought if desired before embarking on any health-related programme.

www.welbeckpublishing.com

Alex Holmes (Instagram @byalexholmes) is a mental health advocate, writer and podcaster. He uses compassion to help us reach our innermost selves, with the view to creating a safer world for men, women and children, through advocating for a positive, healthy and honest masculinity and mental health awareness. He hosts podcast Time to Talk with Alex Holmes, which focuses on ways to create a more compassionate world.

To all the men who could have loved
Had they been given the chance as boys
To grow into the best men
That they could have been.

Alex Holmes is one of those people who makes you feel instantly at ease. In this unsafe world, he summons to mind E.M. Forsters line: Only connect. The connections are not just between people, but between prose and passion, with the marvellous result that human love is celebrated.

Connection is the best possible solution for the inevitable struggles of being human. Reading these beautiful pages, we feel the connection with Alex and imagine that he feels it with us. In his calm, encouraging voice, Alex invites us to feel his acceptance of all that he is as he encourages us to develop a similar ease with ourselves.

Alex Holmes grasps the ambiguity of labels: wife, teenage boy, Asian, carpenter, working class, corporate executive. He presents the restrictions inherent to labels, causing individuals to be typecast by society. He reminds us that all human beings can recast themselves and choose who we want to become. He invites us to be who we want to be, rather than being confined to a label that is ill-suited.

His book is evidence of a life examined, of someone bravely bearing his soul and exploring his innermost self at the same time as urging you to do so. His own valiant work augments his credibility, and the term is one of his favourites, essential to his values authenticity. He allows us to see his struggles and his triumphs; he could not be more intimate and trusting in the way that that he does so. His warmth, combined with his openness, becomes permissive to us. He sets an example not just of the acceptability of investigating ourselves more deeply and kindly and honestly, but of the benefits.

Psychotherapists know how incredibly daunting true psychological honesty can be. To see it on display, as it is in this book, is as encouraging to practitioners as it is to those in therapy. Alex makes the search pleasurable: Come in, we imagine him saying, And take a look around. Theres nothing that needs to be hidden or denied. What a relief! And what a joy!

I have a vital personal connection to Alex Holmes. He contacted me at a dark and strange moment in my life. I was beginning to find my own voice, and felt uncertain about my next steps. The moment we met, I felt a kind of freedom to be myself. We were strangers coming together, but the immediate sense of calm understanding unburdened me. Just be yourself, he seemed to say. Whoever you are, whatever you are, whether youre male, female, transgender, black, white, mixed, Asian, a teenager, a parent, an elderly person, single, married, asexual, unsure the list goes on just be yourself, and keep exploring what that means. And so we become unshackled.

Alex Holmes brings us to a place of hope. This is in large part because he acknowledges the sorrow and struggle of the battle to self-actualize. His bold recognition of pain enlarges the space for growth and possibility. Enlightenment can be a struggle, but its rewards more than merit the effort. And with this marvellous book, we not only enjoy personal gain and acquire unprecedented wisdom but, better still, we feel the beauty of all humanity.

Charlotte Fox Weber

Psychotherapist, writer and co-founder of Examined Life