Alex Jones - Winging It!: Parenting in the Middle of Life!

WHATS DONE IN LOVE
IS DONE WELL
VAN GOGH

Published by Lagom,

An Imprint of Bonnier Publishing

The Plaza,

535 Kings Road,

Chelsea Harbour,

London, SW10 0SZ

www.bonnierpublishing.com

Hardback 978-1-911600-01-5

Ebook 978-1-911600-02-2

All rights reserved. No part of the publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or circulated in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing of the publisher.

A CIP catalogue of this book is available from the British Library.

Designed by Sophie Yamamoto / Maru Studio

Printed and bound by UAB Balto Print

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Copyright Alex Jones, 2018

Alex Jones has asserted her moral right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace copyright holders of material reproduced in this book, but if any have been inadvertently overlooked the publishers would be glad to hear from them.

The author and publisher shall have no liability or responsibility to any person or entity regarding any loss, damage or injury incurred, or alleged to have incurred, directly or indirectly, by the information contained in this book.

This book is a work of non-fiction, based on the lives, experiences and recollections of Alex Jones and others. Certain details in this book, including names, have been changed to protect identity and privacy.

This will probably be my first and last book so
to my boys, Charlie and little Ted. My parents, Alun
and Mary and my sister, Jennie.

The tweet went out. Alex Jones is releasing a book about motherhood.

Cue the furious tapping on keyboards:

Not another one sharing her so-called baby tips?

What does SHE know about bringing up a baby?

OK hands up I admit it Nothing! Not a clue. My sister and my best friend both bought me the sweatshirt you see me wear on the cover last Christmas, which pretty much summed up how they thought it was going to pan out and they were spot on. Hence the title. Truth be told, Id never even changed a nappy until I had Teddy last year at 39. Before then, I thought that swaddling was something they did to baby Jesus back in the day, but wasnt a thing any more. Now that Ive spent 12 months being responsible for a small human there are a few tips that I could share with brand-new parents nothing ground-breaking or life-changing, just some handy suggestions, parent-to-parent. This book is not a guide or a parenting manual, because, lets face it, that ground has been well and truly covered. I see this book as more of a conversation starter or a support group, if you like. A place for parents who have had their first child in their thirties and forties to get together and celebrate that we are procreating later in life, while working out, with the help of some proper experts, the best ways of integrating a new addition into a life that is already nearly at capacity. I searched for this sort of book when I was pregnant. A book that I could connect with, that spoke to me as a working mother in her late thirties; and I didnt find anything that quite hit the mark, so Ive had a go at writing one.

Let me share a bit of my back story. Charlie, my husband and I got married on 31 December 2015 and four minutes after the ceremony, Auntie Marian led the charge with: So are you going to start trying straight away?

Bless Auntie Marian, but Im sure most of you, having been there yourselves, will share my irritation, to put it mildly. In the weeks that followed, the same question was fired at me at least once daily, mainly by journalists, who usually followed up with Are you worried youve left it too late? I always gave a breezy answer, but in reality I was going through life in a state of low-level irritation, which was mostly fuelled by unhelpful headlines in the papers like these:

FEMALE FERTILTY CLOCK STARTS TICKING AT 27!
FERTILITY WOES OVER 30!

FERTILITY RATE FALLS OFF CLIFF AT 35!

I wasnt paranoid, but I had become increasingly curious about the impact of age on our fertility. I trawled the internet but comprehensive information on the subject was hard to find. I wanted to challenge these ageist headlines, see for myself how closely related age and fertility are, and I wanted to meet others who were about to embark on parenthood a bit later in life so that we could compare notes.

Theres definitely a generation gap with being an older mum my mum was in her early twenties when she had me, and our experiences are totally different because of that, from how our bodies are to our jobs; I dont feel like I have a touchstone we really are winging it! Jenny

Television is flooded with documentaries on various health topics such as how much we drink, how much red meat we eat, insomnia, dementia and how to stay young, but there is little airtime given to arguably the most important of all: fertility and creating life. I pitched my idea to the BBC and nine months later, my documentary Fertility and Me was broadcast.

It started a well-overdue conversation about a subject that, for some bizarre reason, is still taboo. It also highlighted the fact that there are tons of couples like you and me who are starting families in their thirties and forties for all sorts of reasons.

Joining the parenting club in our thirties and beyond means that we are spinning an extraordinary number of plates, often including a career that is at its peak. As a result, we are the first generation where our parenting roles arent defined by gender. We are the first ones to mix it up and truly share the responsibility and joy of having a child. Today more than ever, both men and women are having conversations with their employers about flexible hours in the constant search for work/family-life balance, helped by the introduction in the UK of Shared Parental Leave in April 2015. Most of us co-parent or fly solo in the true sense of the word, relying solely on each other and/or friends when, more often than not, extended family are too far away to help on a regular basis. Our parents could look to their parents for guidance, but this situation is new, modern and unique. We can only look to our peers for guidance, support and empathy, which is why I wanted to include as many voices as possible in this book. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories with me. They made me laugh, cry and often made me challenge my own parenting skills.

Were rewriting the rulebook and winging it, but we are winging it together!

I feel its important women should be open and honest about childbirth and motherhood with zero judgement! Sadie

I do think being a slightly older first time Mum throws challenges out there for you but you know what, bring it on! Giving birth isnt a walk in the park so it doesnt mean being a parent will be either! But its still the best job in the world! Naomi