Jessica Felix - 30 Days to Calm Parenting

By Jessica Felix

Distributed by Smashwords

Copyright 2015 Jessica Felix

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoymentonly. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people.If you would like to share this book with another person pleasepurchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're readingthis book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for youruse only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer andpurchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work ofthis author.

You're on your way to a calmer, moreconnected way of parenting your kids.

The most important thing we can do for ourparenting for ourselves AND our kids is to regulate our ownemotional life. Our kids will push our buttons, our life willdemand things of us that we dont want to do. There will be noiseand messes and too little sleep and not enough coffee and too manybills. But we can learn how to calm ourselves. We can learn how torespond with authenticity and calm even when were at the end ofour ropes.

This isnt just another parenting book. Imnot going to tell you to do this, not that. Were going to talktogether, youre going to tune into your deepest desires forraising your kids and youll use these hopes and dreams to buildyour own parenting practice.

A parenting practice is uniquely individualfor everyone. It is the patchwork of values, desires and our ownpast experiences that we use to consciously raise kids that arecompassionate, self-reliant and HAPPY!

Youre ready to get true to yourself andconnect deeply and authentically with your kids. Youre ready toENJOY parenting, and life, more.

Lets go!

It may seem so simple but the first thing Iwant you to do is to take 5 deep, centering breaths.

Go ahead and just close your eyes whereveryou are - put your hand to your heart (or over your tummy or onyour forehead - wherever it feels most reassuring) and breathedeeply. Focus on your inhale and filling up your lungs. Focus onthe feeling of fullness and then let your breathe go.

This life can get so hectic and crazy that wethink we have no choice but to jump in and hang on. Sometimes wejust need a reminder to slow down and focus on what is real in thispresent moment.

Let five deep breaths be your reminder.

It's a perfect time to get clear on yourfamily goals.

If you're here then you already know that youdesire a calmer, less harried lifestyle. But what does that meanfor you? In my experience, "calm" can mean lots of different thingsto different people.

Today's action step is to write down 5 thingsthat you want for your family. (You can use the worksheet pages inthe back of this book to do any work that is suggested. Scroll downand check them out!)

For example, you might value a family dinnerevery night. You might value removing shoes when people come intothe house. These little values add up to a big a-ha! because whatyou DO value helps you realize what you DON'T value as much - evenif another mom might say that it's part of her value system. Takefor instance, jumping on the bed. Maybe you just don't really careif your kids jump on the bed. There's one less thing you have toworry about!

Opposite your values list go ahead and listoff 5 things that aren't part of your value system - 5 things thatdon't bother you.

Feels good to have a visual list of goals,doesn't it? If you don't know where you're going then you may neverknow if you've arrived!

This first week is devoted to the top 5 toolsthat will help you parent from a place of connection andintention.

Tool #3 is about mindset. It's that wholeidea that our thoughts become our words and our words become ouractions and our actions become the life that we lead.

There are 2 keys to setting your mindset. Oneis to wake up each day with the utter belief that the day will begreat!

Nothing and no one can sway that belief ortake your day from you. Protect this vision with the 5 Deep Breathsexercise and clear out the junk that starts to accumulate whenthings don't happen the way you thought they would.

I want you to know that you have power andcontrol over your life, your feelings and how others relate to you.And, yes, this absolutely impacts how we parent! Being able toshake off all of the 'stuff' that each day brings - to feelgratitude for and control over your life - is a powerful gift foryou kids and supports you in parenting with calm intention.

The other tool to a positive, effectivemindset is to envision your responses when things DON'T happen theway you had pictured. You can't know every outcome before ithappens but you might have some clues ahead of time or be able tosee a pattern.

For instance, you're coming home from work ora trip to the store and you're fully expecting that your kids havefinished their chores - as you had requested. But history tells youthat there is a chance that the chores aren't done yet (sometimesthey're not even started!).

Decide before you walk in the door how youwill handle your own feelings about the work not being done. Checkin with your own state - are you hungry? Are you tired? Is yourmind preoccupied with other to-do's on your list? Now walk throughthe steps you'll take as you come home. If the chores ARE done thenyou can skip the steps that you've laid out if they weren't done.If they aren't done then you have a clear idea of how you'llrespond, the actions you'll take and the message that you want toconvey to your kids. Even though you'll be disappointed, you'llstill be CALM.

Have you used similar tools in the past? Howhave these helped you?

Creating a connected relationship with yourchild is the foundation for cooperation, respect and learning!

But how do we best build this relationship?How do we know that our kids feel connected and how do we handlethose times of disconnection and frustration?

We'll be covering all of these questions withvery actionable tips that you can use right away as we progressthrough these 30 Days of Calm. The tool (#4!) that I want to talkabout today is: empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize andunderstand another's emotional state. Empathy is the building blockfor sympathy and compassion.

I think that all parents can agree that wewant our children to grow up being kind, generous, caring andcompassionate. These qualities all start with the empathy that thechild experiences from the caring adults in her life.

Our relationship with our kids depends on ourability to feel what they feel and help them through their strongfeelings. When kids feel understood - and safe - they are betterable to hear our requests, manage their own impulses and showempathy to others.

This isn't a one time, one size fits allprescription for a perfect relationship with your kids. You'll haveto practice what showing empathy feels like for you. You'll have totweak your approach for your individual kids. There will be timeswhen you just don't feel very empathetic!

We'll just start with a few phrases you canuse when you want to show that you are trying to understand (andafter your 5 Deep Breaths).

I hear you....

It seems like you are feeling________....

That must be hard...

I will listen...

The most important thing to remember is thatempathy doesn't judge. Empathy means you are actively listening andjust reflecting their feelings back to them.

Before we get too serious about thisparenting stuff let's not forget to play!