Emma Jenner - Keep Calm and Parent On: A Guilt-Free Approach to Raising Children by Asking More from Them and Doing Less

Like parenting, writing a book takes a village and Ive been fortunate enough to have had an incredible village throughout this project.

Ive had the publishing dream team as Ive worked on this project, for which I feel so lucky, not to mention incredibly grateful. Firstly, Id like to thank everyone at Atria Books, including Judith Curr, Ben Lee, Kyoko Watanabe, Sarah Wright, Elaine Broeder, Hillary Tisman, and Jeanne Lee. I could not have asked for a better editor than Greer Hendricks, whose excitement, vision, and advocacy for the book made the whole process so fun and seamless. I fell in love with Greer the first time I met her and knew she was who I wanted to publish the book. When I received her offer it was truly a dream come true. Sarah Cantins support is greatly appreciated, as is her inspired title idea.

I really couldnt have done it without my writer, Jenna Free. She has been an absolute angel throughout the entire process, helping me through every step and offering continuous support and guidance. I really owe the concept idea to Jenna. During the early stages of developing the book she asked me, What do you do when you get called into a familys home?

Well, I said, to diagnose the problem I observe the family parents and childrenin their home and run through a checklist.

Thats it, Jenna said. You need to write down your checklist. She has spent hours editing pages upon pages of my notes, listening to all my stories, rants about philosophies, and, of course, my opinions on manners or lack thereof. (Yes, eating with your mouth closed and talking with your mouth full do constitute two different manners!)

I have the best agent, Howard Yoon. He believed in me and was passionate about the project from the start, holding my hand through all the steps. He literally took my vision and made it a realitypromising me a book deal by Christmas. Then he made it happen. Thanks, too, to his partner, Gail Ross, whose enthusiasm I keenly felt.

Martin and Jennifer Coles have been great supporters of mine for years, and offered not only a place to stay while I worked on the book but also countless hours of encouragement and guidance. They are the reason I moved to the U.S. to begin with. Martin and Jennifer brought me here as their nanny, and they have been my surrogate family ever since.

Debra Messing has likewise been a longtime champion, generously offering her time and friendship whenever I needed it. She kindly offered to write the foreword and has always been a tremendous sounding-board, providing a slew of advice and guidance. She has always pushed me to pursue my dreams and endeavors. On my first day of filming the TLC show Take Home Nanny , I was so nervous that Debra gave me a bottle of Rescue Remedy. She just failed to tell me I needed to drink the whole bottle!

Debra Messing and Daniel Zelman have also kindly opened their homes to me every time I visit New York for meetings. Im incredibly grateful to you both for your continued support and a big thank-you to Roman for sharing his bedroom and giving me the bottom bunk. After all, you cant put a grown-up on the top bunk, that wouldnt show good manners!

I am very grateful to Lucinda Southworth for her support and encouragement throughout the project. Whether it was giving me the time I needed to work, reading through early drafts of the book, or promoting the book amongst her friends, Lucys feedback and support has been invaluable.

Id like to thank two people who really influenced a turning point in my career: Gerry McKean (Executive Producer of Take Home Nanny ) and Julie Swales (Elizabeth Rose Agency). Thank you for pushing me outside of my comfort zoneyouve opened many doors and endless opportunities.

Thank you to the many parents and friendsespecially other nannieswho contributed stories, wisdom, and tips for the book. Id also like to thank Kathy Cockerill, who spent hours helping me pull together the curriculum we teach in L.A., some of which is in this book.

Id like to give my friends Lorraine Cronin, Silvia Klinger, Robyn Bruns, Susan Carruthers, Tobiah Roosevelt, Vaniane Schello, and Barbara LeBlanc, and my family a special thanks for putting up with me during the project. I was buried in my laptop and drafts for hours on end and asked them to listen to ideas and stories at every turn. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

A special word of thanks to Charles Jacob. Your support and patience means the world to me, as did the time you spent taking my author picture.

Im deeply grateful to my sister, Jessica, and my uncle, Martin, for reading early drafts of the manuscript and offering helpful, thoughtful feedback. My uncle said he was blown away by the book and was surprised I knew so many words! Charming! My brother, Mark, has believed in me and my book from day one, from being a proud cheerleader to calming my nerves before important meetings to offering support and motivation throughout the entire process.

Id like to thank my Nana. Unfortunately, she is no longer with us, but much like my mum she had very high expectations about how one should conduct oneself to be an acceptable part of society. I spent a lot of time with my Nana during my childhood, and she really helped mold the person I am today. For that I am eternally grateful.

Last but not least, a very special word of thanks to my mum, who not only read through early drafts but provided the basis for my entire philosophy. Her parenting gave me the values, perseverance, and dedication that were essential to finishing this book. I thank her every day for the values and morals she taught me. I may not have had the best piano lessons in town but I certainly had the best mum!

EMMA JENNER grew up in England and has studied and worked with children for seventeen years. In 2008 she starred in TLCs Take Home Nanny , and in 2010 she founded Emmas Children, a consulting service to help educate parents. She is frequently interviewed as a childcare expert and is a parenting columnist for Huffington Post.

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Sacrificing everything for your children isnt selfless, its ridiculous.

E LLIE, PLAYED BY B LYTHE D ANNER IN THE FILM T HE L UCKY O NE

CHECKLIST

Are you getting enough sleep?

Are you making time to care for yourself?

Are you making time to care for your relationship with your partner?

Do you greet your spouse first?

Mums: Are you having sex with your partner?

Dads: Are you taking care of Mum?

If there are two parents at home, are you modeling a good relationship to your children in how you treat each other?

Is there joy in the house? Is there a lot of laughter and fun?

Do you enjoy being a parent?

Do you feel confident you can handle your childs behavior?

Are you calm?

Do you ensure that everything does not revolve around the children?

Are you forgiving of yourself when things dont go well?

Are you willing to ask for help?

T HERES A REASON I chose to make the chapter about taking care of Mum and Dad the first chapter in this book. Theres a saying that goes, a family is only as happy as its unhappiest member, and with many families, that member is one of the parents. Parents so rarely put themselves first, and that needs to change for the sake of the whole family.