Editors and Community of Babble.com - Parenting, Uncensored: Straight Talk from Real Moms and Dads on Getting Pregnant

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To mom bloggers and dad bloggers everywhere.

Your stories have made all the difference.

When you hear peoples stories of having a kidwhether through adoption, surrogacy, or pregnancytheres rarely a clear path from beginning to end. And often, that path can be scary, exciting, and frustrating, all at the same time.

Reading about other peoples struggles and triumphs, Plan As and Plan Bs (and sometimes Plan Cs) is a huge part of how prospective parents navigate this unfamiliar terrain. Online forums have proved to be incredibly valuable for couples trying to conceive, or, in chat room parlance, TTC. Personal blogs have quite literally changed the way women share and commiserate over private topics such as infertility and pregnancy loss. Approximately one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage and yet it can still feel like a taboo subject; now women can log on and, at the very least, realize they are not alone.

Blogger Nichole Beaudry, for example, describes what its like to learn of a miscarriage while sitting in a paper gown at the doctors office. And in telling the story of her first (and unsuccessful) attempt at in vitro fertilization (IVF), Aela Mass writes: I have heard from other women, some of whom Ive never met and others I havent seen since schooldays, that they have found strength in my journey. My intention when I first began this voyage was to start a family. And Ive gained one I never expected to.

A positive pregnancy test can bring surprising feelings, toowhich many moms may be too ashamed to talk about. Megan Jordan bravely opens up about the all-too-common feelings of doubt and ambivalence that arose when she saw that plus sign: I am excited and nervous and joyful and terrified. In a letter to all expectant mothers, Andrea Chmelik lists the things shed wished shed known before she became pregnant (among them: There is a big difference between loving your child and loving parenting). And John Cave Osborne tells us about how an unplanned pregnancy discovered with a drugstore-bought testand taken in a Dunkin Donuts restroomcant diminish a parents joy over such news.

Taken together, these posts show how the road to parenthood can open your mind to possibilities you may never have considered. Youll read stories of hope, disappointment, tenacity, and love, giving you a new and valuable perspective on what it means to start a family.

Aela H. Mass

From the Pregnancy blog at Babble.com

I was so excited and hopeful going into my appointment today to get my pregnancy blood test that I genuinely forgot I might not get the news I so eagerly sought. My wife and I went for lunch afterward, trying to kill the two or so hours it would take before we got the call about our results.

I stuffed my face with Chipotles tacos and thought, This is the last food Ill eat before I get the news of my life forever changing.

I was wrong.

Im not pregnant.

My first attempt at in vitro fertilization (IVF) didnt succeed like I had so believed it would. I convinced myself that these sorts of things only happened to infertile women, and that wasnt me. Im gay. Thats my fertility issue. So naturally I thought that a little sperm was all we needed to make the dream of a family become a reality.

Not the case.

Im not pregnant.

Sure, I feel like a moron. I was told going into this that there was only a 2030 percent success rate. But for some ridiculous reason, I didnt believe that would apply to me. I was going to be pregnant. Wham-bam thank you sperm.

The fertility center called two and a half hours almost on the dot after our appointment. Sara and I were resting on our bed, trying more than anything to stay calm.

Babe, babe, its them. I nudged her as the phone rang and my caller ID showed it was our fertility center.

Oh my God, oh my God. She got up.

Hello?

Hi, Aela.

Greta, hi. I have you on speakerphone. Sara is right here, too, I said, wanting Sara to hear the great news at the exact time I did.

Ladies, Im sorry, but I dont have very good news. The blood test was negative.

I looked at Sara. She was staring at the phone. White. I looked back at the phone.

Okay, was all I was able to say.

Im sorry. I know this wasnt the news you wanted.

I was silent. I looked again at Sara, she at me this time.

Okay, was still all I was able to say.

So now you call us when you get your period and well start again, Greta sweetly said.

I managed an Okay, thanks, Greta and hung up the phone.

I held the phone in my hand, staring at it for what felt like an eternity.

Did they test the right blood? Could they be wrong? Maybe I am pregnant and they just made a mistake somewhere. Wait, what do you mean Im not pregnant? I had two textbook embryos transferred into me. What the FUCK happened to them?

Im not pregnant.

I cried.

Sara held me. And called my mother.

And for the second time since I made our journey to motherhood publicthe first time being the night before our first visit to the fertility centerI questioned why in the world Im sharing all of this with you. I wanted to run and hide, and keep our failure to ourselves. I didnt want to tell my family, you, and the countless friendsfrom childhood summer-camp friends to current coworker-friends to my greatest and dearest friendsall of whom have been cheering Sara and me along, sending us prayers and well-wishes, and following our story, that there is no baby. That neither of the two embryos made it. That my body did not do what we all were praying it would.

But Im not pregnant. And this is my story.

Since I began this journey, I have found strength in strangers and loved ones alike. I have heard from other women, some of whom Ive never met and others I havent seen since schooldays, that they have found strength in my journey. My intention when I first began this voyage was to start a family. And Ive gained one I never expected to. It might not be of the crying-infant type, but it has been born nonetheless from something steeped in love and support. And it gives me the strength to keep going.

That is why I share my story.

Pregnant or not.

Next month, we will get back on the horse (as an old friend so rightly told me to do) and we will try again. And we will keep at it until that darn test comes back positive.

Aela is a thirty-four-year-old writer and editor living in upstate New York with her wife, Sara. The couple eloped in October 2011, just months after the Marriage Equality Act passed in their home state of New York. They live with their dog, Darla, whom they rescued from a kill shelter in Tennessee when she was ten weeks old. They refer to Darla as their first baby. When not blogging for Babble, shes busy with her own blog, Two Moms Make a Right (twomomsmakearight.com/). Shes also a full-time writer and editor for state government, a job she actually enjoys because of her interest in politicscall her crazy! Shes an avid activist for equality, loves hiking, reading, and cooking and eating mostly Paleo foods (though she loves bread and butterand cheese!). She adores her niblingsa word she coined to describe her nieces and nephewsspeaks to her mother almost every day, and loves organizing parties. After six months of fertility monitoring and treatments, and one failed IVF cycle, Aela is pregnant with twins due in May 2013. She daydreams about returning to teach college English, a house in the country, and raising twins with her wife.