Roni Jay - Pregnancy for Beginners: A guide to having the pregnancy you want

Roni Jay

Pregnancy

for Beginners

A guide to having the pregnancy you want

Pregnancy for Beginners

Roni Jay

This first edition is published in 2009 by Crimson Publishing, Westminster House, Kew Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 2ND

Roni Jay 2009

Epub edition 2011 ISBN: 978-1-908281-09-8

The author Roni Jay has asserted her moral rights to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyrights, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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PART ONE

PART TWO

Many thanks to midwife Sara Warren who kindly read through the manuscript, added useful points, and answered obscure questions. Thanks also to Rachael Stock Anderson who helped develop the original idea for the book, whilst pregnant for the first time with twins. For the insight this gave her, I should also thank Seren and Jasper. Thanks also to Eleanor Turner for her help with the second edition.

Finally I would like to thank Rich, who was more help and support through all my pregnancies than any book even this one could ever be.

You realise when youre expecting a baby that as everyone keeps reminding you this is probably the most important thing youll ever do. Well, yes, so its doubly worrying that you keep being expected to make decisions you feel ill equipped to make. You know that many of the decisions are vital, and yet youve no idea whats for the best. Other decisions may be less essential in the grand scheme of things (when to decorate the nursery, for example, is not actually a life and death matter) but theyre still important to you. This is a very emotional time and lots of things that maybe shouldnt be that important will seem so to you. And thats a good enough reason to give them proper thought so that you feel happy and comfortable.

I realise that not every woman goes through pregnancy with a partner. For the majority who do, this book is intended for both of you. The decisions youll be making will affect both of you and your child, so its only right you should both be involved. If you dont have a partner, you may find it useful to show the book to the friends or family whose advice youll be asking to help you take these big decisions.

Ive selected the biggest decisions youre likely to face during your pregnancy and set out all the information I can to help you choose the right course for you. There isnt a definitive right or wrong answer and I havent attempted to steer you in any way. If there were a clear right or wrong there would, by definition, be no real decision to make. So all the options set out here are potentially right. Youre just choosing the best one for you. Its your pregnancy, your baby, and only you can know what will work best for your family. All I have done is:

set out relevant facts

clarify the options

explain the pros and cons of each option

add any other useful things to think about

give you the deadline by when the decision has to be made

run through the worst case scenario (a useful decisionmaking tool)

suggest questions to ask yourself to help you decide

Id also like to add that where I have set out pros and cons, the number of pros or cons are no indication of the best decision. One strong argument in favour, or against, could outweigh dozens of arguments on the other side. Just as there are all sorts of arguments in favour of jumping out of an aeroplane without a parachute (the view is great, its exhilarating, its a mental challenge, you feel much freer than when encumbered by a parachute, you dont have to worry about fitting your harness properly), and only one real argument against.

The important thing over the next few months is that you enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can, and fret about it as little as possible. You want to feel excited, not worried. Decision making can be fun and interesting, but only when you feel equipped to do a good job of it. You need facts, you need information, and you need clarity of thought. I hope this book will give you all of those, and will help to make your pregnancy and birth the most thrilling few months of your life so far.

Its ever so exciting finding out youre pregnant, and its obviously something youre going to have to tell everyone eventually. Hopefully you anticipate lots of delight and congratulations all round, but sometimes there are reasons why telling people isnt so easy. Either way, youll need to decide when to break the news.

The options

The risk of miscarriage is significantly higher in the first three months (12 weeks) and many people are wary of breaking the news before they reach this milestone in case they lose the baby and have to tell everyone they are no longer pregnant. So the choices broadly are:

tell everyone straight away

tell them once you reach 12 weeks

tell some now and some after the 12 week milestone

Obviously you could decide to tell everyone when you get to 15 weeks, or to announce it to one friend a day working through your address book in alphabetical order, or other equally personal decisions. However Im not going there. Im just sticking with the standard choice to break the news now, or at 12 weeks.

This is very tempting, and many people go for this option. About one in five pregnancies is thought to end in miscarriage, but many of these happen before the mother even knows shes pregnant. So the odds are in your favour that the pregnancy will last, but the miscarriage risk is still worth taking into account.

This is the sensible approach (but who wants to be sensible all the time?). Its an insurance policy against the upset of having to deal with a miscarriage publicly. Eighty per cent of miscarriages occur before 12 weeks.