Adrian Kulp - Were Pregnant! The First Time Dads Pregnancy Handbook

Copyright 2018 by Adrian Kulp

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Illustrations Jeremy Nguyen, 2018

Icons Megan Dailey, 2018

ISBN: Print 978-1-93975-468-4 | eBook 978-1-93975-469-1

For Ava, Charlie, Mason, and the next little one for whom we wait with open armsyou are my life, my love, and my reason for being.

I hope I make you proud.

Contents

Finding out that youre going to be a first-time parent is simultaneously a terrifying experience and the most profound opportunity to evolve as a human. I have two children, both daughters. My then husband and I planned each pregnancy, but our approach toward the nine-month process was somewhat different. While I devoured every book about pregnancy and the first year of parenthood, he was less enthralled with the logistics and trusted that he would fulfill his role more organically. Men who are truly interested in becoming reliable partners and fathers should be committed to the well-being of their family from the very beginning. When you see those double lines on that pregnancy test, whats important to your partner should be just as important to you.

Even though women continue to break glass ceilingsfilling high profile CEO positions and running for president of the free worldthe undeniable fact remains that women are still expected to take on the majority of childcare. More often than not, whether they are staying at home or working as the breadwinners, mothers will eventually take on most of the responsibility of their children. For me, this imbalance took a heavy toll, both physically and mentally. It also took a toll on my marriage. Shortly after the birth of my first daughter, I found myself feeling profoundly alonewith the baby, with my thoughts, with the physical task of taking care of her every needand soon I succumbed to crippling panic attacks. I frequently called my husband at work and pleaded with him to come home. Sometimes I called him just to hear the voice of another adult. My panic attacks became so severe that when my daughter was six months old, I checked myself into a hospital. I would have given anything to feel less alone.

Women are pressured to balance it all, but if anything, the resounding message from the massive growth of the community around my website dooce is that moms need supportphysical, emotional, and psychological. Even though both parents are figuring it all out as everything unfolds, more often than not that road is lonelier for the mother, even if there is a father in the picture. And, despite strong customs, cultures, or traditions that thrive on this imbalance, mothers shouldnt have to bear the majority of the stress and the grinding minutiae of raising children. Mothers shouldnt have to justify why they need their partners in the trenches alongside them.

Adrian Kulp recognized his responsibility as a father and as a partner early during his wifes first pregnancy. In Were Pregnant! The First-Time Dads Pregnancy Handbook, Adrian shares the life-changing and life-saving lessons that helped him thrive, and he provides guidance tailored specifically for first-time dads. He delivers the right balance of clinical information and ways to support expecting moms, all while speaking to what men need to hear in a way that will make sense to them and their roles as fathers. Writing and coaching as a once clueless and misguided first-time dad, Adrian clearly understands the challenges ahead and makes it his mission to get first-time dads to start maturing, to pay attention, and most importantly to understand what it means to provide support.

As a practical handbook, this book is straightforward and offers small and memorable bites of insight. It focuses on weekly pregnancy milestones so that the father can stay on track with the mother and the babys developments throughout those nine months and that fourth trimester. This book also offers weekly to-do lists that address the mothers specific needs. Boyfriends, husbands, partners, and even second-time fathers who may need a refresher will benefit from this book as they learn to communicate better, become more proactive, and increase their level of empathy for the person who statistically is stuck with all the heavy lifting.

Heather B. Armstrong, creator of dooce

First off, congratulations, high fives, and down lows for having the insight, inspiration, and love that propelled you to pick up this book. Whether you read this book while commuting to work on the subway, taking a coffee break, or relaxing at home with a frosty beverage after everyones gone to bed, it will be worth your while. Youre about to become a fatherand theres no bigger or more exciting thing on this earth. You have the awesome responsibility of shaping a young mind and becoming the role model that your child is going to need well past adolescence and maybe even into their own parenthood. Being a father is life changing on so many levels. Take it from me; Im a father of three with the fourth on the way. Yes, Im exhausted, but being 100 percent invested trumps any purported downsides.