Praise for The Co-Parenting Handbook from industry leaders:
The Co-Parenting Handbook contains the most powerful and important advice for any parent going through a divorce. If you are considering or starting down the divorce path, whether you are male or female, straight or gay, whether you have younger or older children, then this book is for you. It provides a road map to healing and carefully crafted directions about how you can protect your children throughout. It will teach you step by step how to dismantle your spousal relationship and build a co-parenting relationship. It is rare that we find a users manual for major life transitions, but Bonnell and Little have created a master accomplishment in this easy-to-digest handbook with concrete examples that all readers can begin using the same day they pick up the book. It includes a healthy dose of hope and love at its core, making sure the reader understands that Bonnell and Little are with them throughout this transformation from spouse to co-parent.
I assist clients with some of the most difficult divorce cases. While I will counsel them through the legal portions of their divorce, I firmly believe that the best possible outcomes require the skills set forth in The Co-Parenting Handbook; I will wholeheartedly recommend it to each of my clients in lieu of any other book on these subjects. The skills it teaches will not only benefit their families from an emotional standpoint but also help to substantially improve a clients ability to prepare themselves for the legal system by following some of the sage and concrete advice provided.
JUSTIN M. SEDELL, principal attorney at Lasher Holzapfel Sperry & Ebberson, PLLC, in Seattle, Washington; adjunct professor at Seattle University School of Law and University of Washington School of Law
Karen Bonnell, with the assistance of Kristin Little, has done a phenomenal job in The Co-Parenting Handbook. It speaks to all parents facing the transition to co-parenting: those doing this difficult task well, those who are struggling, and all those in between. The book addresses complex issues in a straightforward, easy-to-understand language. Karen and Kris tackle high-conflict emotion while assisting with the practical guidelines. They provide a compass, navigation skills, and everyday heres-how tools to meet the day-to-day challenges of two-home family life. They address real family-life challenges, including new romantic partnerships, without casting blame. They provide clear examples from a variety of families navigating this new and challenging territorylearning to do whats best for kids and creating a better future for all. I will buy this book in bulk!
NANCY CAMERON, QC, attorney, mediator, author, founding member of the Collaborative Divorce Association of Vancouver (Canada), and past president of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals
Until now, parents did not receive an owners manual for how to raise kids after divorce. The Co-Parenting Handbook is that owners manuala clear and practical guide on how to create and maintain a successful co-parenting relationship. It is filled with wisdom about how to make the most of post-divorce co-parenting and covers both the common questionssuch as how to tell the kids about the divorce and how to sensibly introduce new romantic partnersand the equally important questions that are less commonly askedsuch as how to make residential schedules really work and how to effectively stay on track as co-parents after divorce. If you want your children to thrive after your divorce, you owe it to yourself to read this book.
J. MARK WEISS, JD, attorney, mediator, Collaborative Law trainer, former chair of the Washington State Bar Association Family Law Section, fellow and former president of the Washington chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
Copyright 2014, 2017 by Karen Bonnell
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form, or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published by Sasquatch Books
Editor: Susan Roxborough
Production editor: Em Gale
Cover design: Bryce de Flamand
Cover and interior photograph: iStock.com/Luckyraccoon
Interior map: Kathryn Campbell
Interior design: Tony Ong
Copyeditor: Kirsten Colton
The Seven Cs of Resilience is used with permission of the American Academy of Pediatrics, Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings, 2nd ed., copyright 2010 American Academy of Pediatrics.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN9781632171467
Ebook ISBN9781632171474
Sasquatch Books
1904 Third Avenue, Suite 710
Seattle, WA 98101
(206) 467-4300
www.sasquatchbooks.com
v4.1
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We dedicate this book to our children
Ali
For your amazing strength to stand your ground and for teaching me about the invincible mother-daughter bond
Ben
For your call to justice, your strength to walk along a change-filled path, and your courage to face life even when it is nothing that you expected
KB
Sebastian
For teaching me that life is bigger than I am, and showing me that its more fun than I ever imagined
KL
and to your children
CONTENTS
Preface: Why This Book?
The question for the child is not Do I want to be good? but Whom do I want to be like?
BRUNO BETTELHEIM,
internationally renowned child psychologist
IVE NEVER MET a parent who didnt want what was best for their children. As a professional working every day with parents and co-parents, and as a parent who navigated a difficult separation, divorce, and post-divorce process, Ive experienced first- and secondhand a body of knowledge, skills, protocols, and practices worth sharing.
Ive dedicated my work to digging deep and learning everything I could about adults in the transition from parent to co-parent: figuring out what works and what doesnt, and finding ways to help them heal. This book contains the teaching stories and principles I share every day with parents going through some of the scariest, most uncertain, and change-filled transitions of their lives.
Kristin Little draws on her own experience with separation, divorce, and co-parenting as she listens daily to children tell their stories of changing families. As a child specialist, Kris has the vital role of helping children understand their experience of change, normalizing some of their concerns about their parents separating, and bringing information back to parents about their childrens needs, feelings, and adjustment in the safety of the divorce coachs office.