Gloria G. Brame - The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self

The Truth About Sex

A SEX PRIMER FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

Volume I: Sex and the Self

by
Dr. Gloria G. Brame

CCB Publishing, British Columbia, Canada

The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer for the 21st Century
Volume I: Sex and the Self

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Gloria G. Brame
ISBN-13 978-1-926918-56-3
First Edition

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Brame, Gloria G., 1955
The truth about sex [electronic resource] : a sex primer for the 21st century : sex and the self / by Gloria G. Brame.
Electronic monograph in PDF format.
ISBN 978-1-926918-56-3
Also available in print format.
1. Sex. I. Title.
HQ21.B7 2011a 306.7 C2011-902653-8

Cover artwork and interior layout by David Ampola.

Extreme care has been taken to ensure that all information presented in this book is accurate and up to date at the time of publishing. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any errors or omissions. Additionally, neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the express written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief and accurately credited quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Publisher: CCB Publishing
British Columbia, Canada
www.ccbpublishing.com

Contents

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A Note About Case Studies:

To protect the confidentiality of my clients, all case studiesin this book are composites of at least two to four differentpatients who presented with similar problems. Names arefictitious to further protect their privacy.

YOU who celebrate bygones!
I project the history of the future.

Walt Whitman

Sex Matters

S ome years ago, my mother peevishly inquired, When are you going to write a book that wont embarrass me? She was dismayed that her nice Jewish daughter studied a subject that she considered dirty. To her, sex was a private, embarrassing act, like using the toilet. It was disgusting to discuss it openly, much less spend time brooding over what goes on down there. Its down there, for goodness sake.

Most of us are raised to believe that sex doesnt or at least, shouldnt matter. It shouldnt even matter that much in marriage. In fact, nice people shouldnt spend too much time thinking about sex. As the social narrative goes, if civilization is the sum of our intellectual achievements, then sex is the shameful burden of our primal roots. Its dirty. Its something you have to do to have children so put it off as long as possible and then just close your eyes and do it. Preferably with the lights off.

Its a strange dogma to apply to one of humanitys greatest and most enduring obsessions. Whether or not you talk about it, you cannot escape sex. Sex is all around us all the time in the texts we send and the sites we visit, in the catcalls from construction workers on the street, in the hot outfit your neighbors wearing, in the bouquet of flowers someones bringing home to a sweetheart. Sex is not merely a part of life, it is integral to human life and human identity.

Human mating rituals are so seamlessly threaded throughout human life that we dont realize that many casual behaviors are in fact spurred by sexuality. You see, sex is not just all around us, it is inside of us. Sex traits are in our genes, sexual chemistry floods our brain and our bloodstream. The brain continually conveys sexual information to our entire system. The brain perceives sexual opportunity, prepares us for intimacy (or a mating opportunity), and when we engage in sex, our brain causes a chain reaction of events that bring us to orgasm and reward us with a flow of beneficial brain chemicals, such as oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin and prolactin, all of which enhance mood and relaxation.

There is overwhelming evidence that sexual happiness and satisfaction promote a longer, healthier life. In a 1999 study of 3,500 adults, Dr. David Weeks, an American psychologist, was able to show that people who have sex at least three times a week look 10 years younger than their real age. Sex promotes blood circulation and cardiovascular function, improves muscle tone, and lowers the risk of stroke and heart attack. Brain chemicals released during and after orgasm contain natural opiates which combat pain, depression and stress. Sex hormones influence our moods, productivity, and social function; they profoundly impact our mental stability. Without the hormones that steer sexuality throughout out lives, the emotional experience of being human would be completely altered. Sex is at the core of human identity, not merely an appurtenance to human identity. Indeed, sex matters more than most of the things people uphold as more important than sex.

How and why we developed so many rules and taboos around sex has fascinated me since I worked on my first book, Different Loving (with co-authors William D. Brame and Jon Jacobs), a comprehensive study of sadomasochism, BDSM, and fetishes. I read scores of books and articles, focusing on original sources so I could build cultural frameworks and social history for each of the types of BDSM we covered. It became increasingly apparent that even authoritative texts on sex and sexual normalcy were profoundly flawed. Virtually all of the great 19th century theorists, for example, misunderstood, mischaracterized and discounted female sexual drive. Case studies of the day were analyzed through a filter of elitism, religious doctrine and, sometimes, sheer quackery. Nor did the situation measurably improve in the medico-forensic establishment throughout the 20th century, as psychiatrists and courts continued to rely heavily on the biased opinions rendered in the 19th century. While new discoveries have changed the face of virtually all the social sciences, and public attitudes towards sex had undergone numerous revolutionary changes, underlying attitudes about sex itself were literally frozen in Victorian time.

By the time I was working on my next volume on kinky sex (ComeHither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex), I was obsessed with this problem. I was in the last stages of completing my Ph.D. in human sexuality, and like every grad student, had a mania for reading and collecting data. I read, for example, the sobering statistics that 31% of all men and 43% of all women in the U.S. are sexually dysfunctional (