Carlos Bueno - Lauren Ipsum: A Story About Computer Science and Other Improbable Things

Lauren Ipsum had been lost in the woods all morning. The poor girl didnt know where shewas or where she was going.

It had all started with an argument. Her mother wanted her to go to summer school, andnaturally Laurie didnt want to go. Children in other countries go to school yearround, her mom said. We arent in other countries, Laurie replied.Extra classes are how to get ahead, Mom said. Summer is for having fun,Laurie insisted. The argument went on and on and got loud near the end. To calm down, Laurie took awalk in the woods.

When people are faced with something they dont want to do, they often do something theyarent allowed to do instead. Before long, Laurie had gone farther into the woods than she hadever gone before.

Being lost was kind of fun. Out here, Laurie could be anything she wanted to be, and there wasno one to tell her different.

She was a secret ninja, moving like a ghost through the ancient forest. Light and shadowdanced under the leaves, and she danced with them. No one could hear her stealthy ninja footsteps.No one would see her coming until it was too

Chiguire! said a voice up ahead. A shape came toward herout of the darkness. Was it an angry spirit? A dire beast?

Argot! the creature said. It was like a mouse-dog, or adog-mouse. That is to say, it was the size of a dog, but it looked more like a mouse. It walkedright up to Laurie and began nuzzling her hand in a very un-beast-like way.

Aw, youre so friendly! Laurie said, in a rather un-ninja-likefashion.

Repl! it said, as it put a webbed foot on her knee.

Youre a funny-looking thing, arent you? Whats your name, huh? Whatshould I call you?

Argot!

Okay, Ill call you Argot. Are you hungry? What do... things like youeat? She offered it some peanuts.

Snarfl! it snarfled, eating out of her hand.

Hey, little guy, she said, tickling its chin, you dont know theway back to Hamilton, do you?

Hamilton! it said excitedly.

You do know a way?

Lalr! it lalred, tongue hanging out.

So where is it?

Isit! it said.

I mean, how do I get there?

Gether! it answered.

Youre just repeating what Im saying, arent you?

Arentyou! it said.

Thats what I thought. Animals cant talk.

So now Im lost , Laurie thought to herself. How do I getunlost? She remembered something about moss growing on the north side of trees. Therewasnt any moss, so that was out. The sun rises in the east and sets in thewest. It was late morning, and the sun was almost overhead. No help there either.

She wandered around, flipping her lucky red poker chip. If the chip landed on heads, shewalked to the left for a while. If it landed on tails, she walked to the right for a while.

Burble ... Argot waddled behind her, making nonsensenoises.

No, dont follow me, Argot. Shoo!

Bitblit?

I like you, but Im not allowed to have a dog. Or a mouse, or a dog-mouse, orwhatever you are. Go along nowgo home!

No matter what she said, the ugly little thing wouldnt give up. It seemed willing tofollow Laurie all the way to... wherever she was going.

Maybe if I wait for the stars to come out , she thought to herself. No, thats silly. I dont know which stars are which!

Frobit! Another creature like Argot, but bigger, came outof the underbrush. It tried to lick her face.

Ugh, your breath stinks!

Wibble! A third creature came up from behind and butted itshead against her.

Whoops! Hello to you, too.

Tanstaafl!

Zork!

More creatures were coming from all directions. The noise was getting louder.

Uh, Laurie uhhed.

Parsec!

Wurfl!

Lilo!

Argots friends were no longer just nuzzling. They were crowding all around her, pushingand shouting. She was being mobbed.

Laurie panicked and ran. The gang of creatures howled and chased after her.

Nyquist!

Quux!

Fifo!

She could barely stay on her feet, running through the tangled underbrush, but she was tooafraid to slow down.

Her escape was blocked by a tall green hedge that stretched in both directions. Once upon atime it might have been part of a garden, but now it was wild and disorderly. Laurie squeezed herway through a gap in the hedge and kept running until she thought she was safe. The creatures werefar behind.

The forest looked different on the other side of the hedge. For one, the trees had red andblack stripes. Black tree trunks split into two red branches. Those split into four black branches,which split into eight red branches, and on and on, until the branches ended in millions of tinyblack leaves. In fact...

Foo!

Bar!

Baz!

The creatures were still chasing her! Laurie tried to run away again, but she couldntgo very fast. Her throat was raw, and her legs were beginning to tremble.