James Dawson - This Book is Gay

CONTENTS

This book is dedicated to anyone who has ever wondered.

This Book Is Gay is a collection of facts, my ideas and my stories but also the testimonies of more than three hundred amazing LGBT* people who shared their stories. In July 2013, I conducted an international survey from which many of the quotes are taken, and also carried out more in-depth interviews with some selected participants.

As not all of the participants are out or open about their sexuality, or may have sensitive careers, some names have been changed.

Throughout This Book Is Gay, Ive used LGBT* to represent the full and infinite spectrum of sexual and gender identities. Its certainly not my intention for anyone to feel excluded by that initialism; I just needed a shorthand or the book would have been a LOT longer!

A huge thank you to everyone who took part. Im so proud of what weve achieved with this book.

James Dawson

• Sometimes men fancy men.
• Sometimes women fancy women.
• Sometimes women fancy men and women.
• Sometimes men fancy women and men.
• Sometimes people dont fancy anyone.
• Sometimes a man might want to be a woman.
• Sometimes a woman might want to be a man.

Got that? It really is that simple.

I could end the lesson, there, but I dont think a few pages would make a very good book, so I suppose I should go into a bit more depth

Theres a long-running joke that, on coming out, a young lesbian, gay guy, bisexual or trans person should receive a membership card and instruction manual.

Youre welcome. But this is a manual for everyone no matter your gender or sexual preference.

School probably hasnt taught you very much about what its like to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or questioning. You might have heard about famous gay people or seen same-sex couples on TV. You almost certainly know an LGBT* person, even if you arent aware of it. Like an alien invasion, we are already amongst you. We serve you in the post office; we teach you maths; we fry your fish and chips.

So why dont we teach you about same-sex couples when we teach sex ed? Or that a lot of people choose their gender? Well, I was a PSHCE (Personal, Social, Health and Citizenship) teacher for a long time, and I always taught my students about these things, but not all schools do, and not all teachers know how theres NO training for this, Im afraid.

I surveyed a group of more than three hundred young people in 2012, and ninety-five per cent of them said their school taught them NOTHING about gay sex as a part of sex education. Sex between men and women was routinely presented as the norm.

This lack of education means that loads of young people gay, straight or bi; trans or cis have oodles of questions about what its like to be LGBT*. This book has some of the answers. Whether you think you might be LGBT* or you think youre straight but have questions or youre anywhere in between, this book is for you.

Your sexuality or gender is very much an individual thing, but what if there were a whole bunch of people whod been through it all before to mentor you through this funny old patch?

The awareness that your sexual or gender identity isnt quite the NORM can be a confusing, exciting, exhilarating, concerning and, frankly, baffling time. Long before you come out and tell people about your identity, its just you and your brain trying to figure it out, so it can also be a lonely time, often accompanied by whiny music and too much eyeliner.

My experience as a gay white man is not representative of every gay man, let alone the thousands of gay women, bisexual men and women, and trans people who may be reading this book. Therefore, before writing this book, I searched far and wide for dozens of other LGBT* people to share their experiences with you. Individually, we can never know it all, but together were quite wise, like that baboon in The Lion King.

I havent edited or changed the testimonies of the LGBT* people in this book, so you might not identify with, or agree with, everything they have to say, AND THATS FINE. We have to be able to talk about sexuality and identity in a non-hysterical way. Sexuality and gender are individual experiences; people are entitled to opinions and, vitally, we need to be able to make mistakes. I understand identity is an issue that some people feel very strongly about. This is also a good thing activism is what got us this far but if people arent allowed to say whats really on their mind for fear of upsetting people, well end up never saying anything at all.

In short, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves, whatever our identity, or were in for a long-haul life. So, yeah, This Book Is Gay isnt entirely serious all the way through (although we do deal with some MEGA-SADFACE topics).

This is something different to the loads of dreary textbooks about gender and sexuality politics that are already out there. This book is serious, but its also fun and funny.

The whole point of coming out is that we have the FREEDOM to be who we are. When did that stop being FUN?

If youre new to the club, youre lucky because being L or G or B or T or * is SUPER FUN. Youre FREE now and dont have to HIDE.

Whatever you identify as by the end of this book, youll see that, far from being alone, youre joining a vast collective of cool, happy, inspirational people, each with a story to tell.

Its the hippest members club in town, and you get straight past the velvet rope and into the VIP lounge.

Youre not isolated; youre part of something bigger now. Something great.

Lets start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). I guess youre reading this book for one of several reasons. It may be because you already identify as LGBT* (and, lets face it, we love nothing more than talking about it). Maybe youre nosy to see what we get up to between the sheets. It could be you are making fun of it because it has the word gay in the title (shame on you). But maybe, just maybe, you picked up this book because youre WONDERING.

It all starts with wondering.

Wondering what it might be like to kiss that boy, or what that girls breasts look like. What life would be like if you were a girl, not a guy. Its all about wondering.

One day I was in the park sunbathing. On the next picnic blanket over, a mother was talking to her infant son about the things he could do when he was older. The conversation went something like this:

Boy: Drive a car!

Mum: Yes!

Boy: Go to work like Daddy!

Mum: Yes!

Boy: Kissing!

Mum: Yes! Girls youll kiss girls.