Diana Cage - Lesbian Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for Same-Sex Couples

The new guide to sexual love for same sex couples

DIANA CAGE

A QUIVER BOOK

2014 Quiver

Text and Photography 2014 Quiver

First published in the USA in 2014 by

Quiver, a member of

Quayside Publishing Group

100 Cummings Center

Suite 406-L

Beverly, MA 01915-6101

www.quiverbooks.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

The Publisher maintains the records relating to images in this book required by 18 USC 2257. Records are located at Rockport Publishers, Inc., 100 Cummings Center, Suite 406-L, Beverly, MA 01915-6101.

Digital edition published in 2014

Digital edition: 978-1-62788-046-6
Softcover edition: 978-1-59233-614-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cage, Diana.

The lesbian sex bible : the complete guide to sexual love for same-sex couples / Diana Cage.

pages cm

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-59233-614-2 (hardback)

1. Sex instruction for lesbians. 2. Sexual excitement. 3. Sex. 4. Lesbians--Sexual behavior. I. Title.

HQ75.51.C34 2014

306.7663--dc23

2014004551

Cover design by Burge Agency

Book design by Burge Agency

Photography by Ed Fox Enterprises

For Maxe

Good sex books help us gain sexual knowledge and have better sex. Better sex is part of having happier lives. Yes, this book is full of tips and techniques, but the real benefit of sex books, and this is coming from someone who reads a ton of them, is that the good ones celebrate sex in a way that makes you want to have more of it. Reading a great sex guide reminds you how much you love sex and makes you want to experiment with new techniques and positions. A good sex guide can make you feel closer to your lover, or if you are single, eager to go out and get frisky with a new person.

Most everything in this book can help you feel hotter and sexier and more ready for sex, regardless of whether you are partnered or not. Reading this book can help you understand a great deal more about your sexuality. All that knowledge will pay off in the form of confidence and readiness to have sex without shame or fear. You dont have to love everything in this book, but if reading about new things makes them feel more familiar to you, then Ill consider this book a success.

Theres a book by famed lesbian historian Lillian Faderman called To Believe in Women: What Lesbians Have Done for America. Fadermans premise is that many nineteenth- and twentieth-century civil rights pioneers were lesbians, and this can be traced to the fact that women who werent tied to heterosexual marriages and heteronormative gender roles had greater social freedom to create change.

I thought about that book recently as I was reading about ergonomically designed sex toys. It made me think of all the lesbian-designed sex toys, lesbian-made porn, lesbian-hosted sex parties, and basically all the other aspects of lesbian and queer culture that make the world a better place for women to get it on with each other. I had a What Lesbians Have Done for America moment thinking about the ways that lesbians and queers have focused on improving queer sex lives, from creating sex toys for women with mobility issues to producing ethical pornography with happy, willing participants. Lesbian, bisexual, and queer women have worked hard to create a culture that encourages happy, healthy sexual expression. I see this book as part of that.

This book is for all of us. I have tried to be inclusive toward women of many identities and with different genders and bodies. I use the word lesbian throughout the book, but that is not meant to feel exclusive or unwelcoming to women who dont identify as lesbians. Choosing a word and sticking to it helps make the text simpler and more readable. I have at different times in my life identified as lesbian, bisexual, or queer, and have dated and had serious relationships with women and men both cis and trans. I know that women come in many different forms. Lesbian, bisexual, bi-curious, queer, or questioning: this book is for you. Trans women and trans men who sleep with women: this book is written with you in mind, too. If you are queer or female bodied and have female partners or want to, then this book was written with you in mind.

On Our Backs magazine was the first lesbian sex magazine created by women for women. It was started in 1984 when lesbians were just coming out of the sex wars and into sex positivity. It was a huge part of lesbian culture for twenty years. If you were an On Our Backs reader, that was shorthand for Im interested in having hot lesbian sex. The magazine changed hands a few times and had many different editors, each with their own interests and aesthetics. I worked there from 2000 to 2005. I left to move from San Francisco to New York when I was offered my own radio show on Sirius XM. There were ten solid years of my life where my professional job was to live, breathe, and have lesbian sex and then write and talk about it. Now Ive gone from being a pornographer and talk show host to a gender studies professor. I teach courses on gender and sexuality and help smart college students understand the ways that our sexuality is regulated and controlled.

I feel lucky to have had that career, and I think it shaped me into the sex-positive, sex-radical, happily partnered queer woman I am now. I hope that reading this book helps you feel that way, too. This isnt a recipe book, and I dont give you instructions on what to do every day to have the sex life of your dreams. But I do give you enough concrete information that youll be able to handle anything that comes your way sexually. I hope youll keep this book on your nightstand, alongside your favorite vibrator, and use both regularly.

Great sex is your right, and its within your reach. Happy reading!

GREAT SEX IS YOUR RIGHT, AND ITS WITHIN YOUR REACH.

Sex is what separates lovers from friends. It fulfills our deepest needs for intimacy and affection. It makes us feel whole and happy. Sex is, in a word, wonderful. But great sex doesnt just happen. It takes effort. Maybe youve been an out lesbian since you were in high school, or maybe youve only fantasized about kissing another woman. Regardless, we all need the same things to really enjoy sex: space to explore our desire and security to do so without feeling judged. Sex is hotter when we feel safe and appreciated, when we have time to relax and get turned on.

Our sexuality is part of who we are. When we are in touch with our sexuality we feel confident, attractive, and capable of anything. Good sex makes us happy and increases our feelings of fulfillment. Hot sex also enhances our self-esteem, making us more attractive to potential partners and improving our lives in and out of the bedroom. We agree we should all be having great sex, right? So how do we find it? Sure, you need a lover, but attracting the right lover is a process that starts with figuring out who you are and what you want. It also requires that you appreciate yourself and all the amazing things you have to offer.